Anxiety Help - Journal

I have to say, this experience has given me a new perspective on people who suffer from depression and other mental/emotional conditions. I've been diagnosed with a "depressed episode" before and I remember feeling awful, but it was a long time ago (about 12 years). I remember feeling overwhelmingly sad, nothing helped, not even my kids (which was awful)...this time it's worse because I'm also fearful and anxious. And what I'm fearful of is real, not something that I can make go away on my own with work.

I both envy and am upset with people who are going about their lives as though the pandemic doesn't exist. Eating at restaurants, ordering takeout, going to the beach, going shopping for fun...things I can't fathom doing, they are doing like it's nothing. They call it going on with their lives, while I am not, and while I am upset with them because their behaviors are contributing to the spread and are the reason why things are getting worse. I don't understand, to be honest...how are they not concerned? How are they able to just do things without any worry about getting sick? They say they aren't going to let it affect them, but I honestly don't understand how they are able to be so completely without fear. Why can't I be like that?

I don't have any answers...

I want to get better, I really do. But I see nothing that gives me hope the situation is getting any better. In fact, it's worse every day.

It's so hard trying to overcome fear when that fear is based on something very real.

Zero appetite. Zero interest in anything.

"During the previous week, the City of _________ has averaged over 130 cases per day and

seen a 25.9% increase in cases. This is compared to 40 cases per day in mid-May. The 7-

day average of the daily positivity rate has increased in the last week 8.5% to 10.8%.. These

unfortunate statistics show the reality of increased community transmission of COVID-19. The

upsurge in these COVID-19 Indicators requires action to limit the level of person-to-person

contact, to avert overwhelming hospitals within the City and to slow the rate of transmission."

Direct quote from the city website.

Nope, I'm not crazy for being scared. Am I mentally ill? Yes, no doubt. But this is not something I've invented inside my own mind.

I want to get better, I really do. But I see nothing that gives me hope the situation is getting any better. In fact, it's worse every day.

 

It's so hard trying to overcome fear when that fear is based on something very real.

 

Zero appetite. Zero interest in anything.

How are you feeling this morning?

How are you feeling this morning?

Thanks for asking.

Honestly? Anxiety is through the roof. I don’t know how to get through the day feeling like this. I'm not sure if it's the medication but I feel more anxious than I did before starting it. Couldn't sleep.

This isn't good. Guess I need to call my doctor but I don't want to.

Thanks for asking.

 

Honestly? Anxiety is through the roof. I don’t know how to get through the day feeling like this. I'm not sure if it's the medication but I feel more anxious than I did before starting it. Couldn't sleep.

 

This isn't good. Guess I need to call my doctor but I don't want to.

I agree with calling the doctor- I've heard about issues like these with medication. All the best.

Another for call your dr.

Kept me on hold for 15 minutes. Now waiting for a call back from the doctor.

I'm trying to do different things like avoiding news programs altogether. I wasn't watching a whole lot but I wanted to at least stay informed. My city changed the restrictions and I didn't know for 2 days, so I felt like I should at least check. But it turns into more than a few minutes and that's not good.

I'm also going to try to force myself to eat more.

I told my brother yesterday via text that I am really struggling. He didn't reply back but he's going through his own difficult time so he probably can't be "on call" for me. I've been reaching out to other friends for support but I don't want to be a pest.

Kept me on hold for 15 minutes. Now waiting for a call back from the doctor.

 

I'm trying to do different things like avoiding news programs altogether. I wasn't watching a whole lot but I wanted to at least stay informed. My city changed the restrictions and I didn't know for 2 days, so I felt like I should at least check. But it turns into more than a few minutes and that's not good.

 

I'm also going to try to force myself to eat more.

 

I told my brother yesterday via text that I am really struggling. He didn't reply back but he's going through his own difficult time so he probably can't be "on call" for me. I've been reaching out to other friends for support but I don't want to be a pest.

If you ever want to message me through WhatsApp let me know.

If you ever want to message me through WhatsApp let me know.

Thank you. I know you are very busy so your offer is very generous.

I don't have a WhatsApp account. I had disabled private messaging on this forum but if I add you as a friend I think that would work.

Thank you. I know you are very busy so your offer is very generous.

 

I don't have a WhatsApp account. I had disabled private messaging on this forum but if I add you as a friend I think that would work.

I think I have you added let me look.

Yes you are added.

Doctor told me to double my dose of medication. It's been somewhat effective, I'm no longer lying on the couch crying and I feel a bit less like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I do have a medium size headache but I'll take it over that crippling anxiety.

Doctor told me to double my dose of medication. It's been somewhat effective, I'm no longer lying on the couch crying and I feel a bit less like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I do have a medium size headache but I'll take it over that crippling anxiety.

I'm glad there's some improvement!

I had to stop taking the medication. It was causing some very concerning, dark thoughts as well as preventing me from sleeping and eating. I was at least able to function pre-medication such as going to the grocery store and the laundromat. Now I can't even fathom getting up the nerve to go anywhere. It was a major deal for me to just take the trash out today.

I will call the doctor AGAIN tomorrow and find out if there are options.

I had to stop taking the medication. It was causing some very concerning, dark thoughts as well as preventing me from sleeping and eating. I was at least able to function pre-medication such as going to the grocery store and the laundromat. Now I can't even fathom getting up the nerve to go anywhere. It was a major deal for me to just take the trash out today.

 

I will call the doctor AGAIN tomorrow and find out if there are options.

I am glad you're taking this seriously and taking so much initiative - I hope you have more support despite that you're doing such a great job being your own advocate.

How are you doing today ?

I read online that antihistamines help with anxiety. I've taken Z-Quil before for insomnia. So I took an antihistamine pill last night and I was able to sleep. Woke up feeling sad and anxious but no dark thoughts and I'm not lying on the couch crying, so that is progress. I will call the doctor a bit later. Also need to grocery shop but I'm building up to that. This afternoon probably.

Thank you for asking :)

Regressing now. That medication really did a number on me. Up until I started taking it I was able to do household chores, run errands, eat at least something, find interest in at least some things. Now I struggle to do anything other than sit on the couch. I'm crying, I NEVER cried before.

I really hate what that medication did to me. It was a huge mistake.

I called the doctor and am waiting for him to call me back.

I need to go food shopping and I can't even get myself to do that. I got dressed and brushed my teeth but that's as far as I've been able to get.

I envy those people who are able to just live their lives without crippling fear and anxiety. I so badly want to be like them.

It wont take long to get out of your system. Hugs.

I have a telehealth appointment with the other doctor in the practice since my regular doctor is out of the office. I think it's either his son or his brother since they have the same last name. The appointment is right after my psychologist appointment tomorrow. I'm going to ask to be put on an anti-anxiety med rather than an antidepressant. My diagnosis is "Generalized Anxiety Disorder - Severe" so I would like to try an antihistamine based anti-anxiety med such as Vistaril since I take antihistamines frequently due to seasonal allergies and I tolerate them well. I wasn't really sure why he put me on an antidepressant since any depression I experience seems to me to be due to the anxiety and not the other way around.

I forced myself out of the apartment today to go to the grocery store. My hands were shaking but I had to get some things. The store was crowded as usual but I think I was in and out in about 20 minutes. I need to go to the laundromat but I can do it either tomorrow before my appointments or Friday morning. Summertime laundry is always easier since it's capri leggings and shorts and t-shirts rather than sweat pants, jeans, sweaters and sweatshirts.

My medical leave was officially approved today. I am to report back to work on August 16th. Hopefully in a month I will feel strong enough to return. And it would be wonderful if the virus was more under control by then too. Too many sick people, too many deaths, it's tragic.

My husband has GAD.

My husband has GAD.

Does he take medication (if you don't mind disclosing)?

I feel like the antidepressant was too much or not the right chemicals. Hopefully an anti anxiety med will work better.

I have GAD and have taken an antidepressant in the past that worked really well at managing my anxiety. I wasn't experiencing depression. Much like you, I second guessed it. A side effect of low seritonin is anxiety. The antidepressant works as a seritonin reuptake. Don't let let the name sway you.

I think previously you mentioned you were prescribed Celexa? I apologize if I got that wrong, but after trying to few different ones, Celexa and one other similar(I can't recall) worked really well. I honestly felt normal. (forgetting what normal felt like)

The side effects were enough to make me quit the first couple weeks. But I was forwarned and hung in there. And with that I realized one day that things had subtly changed and from there on I felt amazing.

I'd stay on it indefinitely but I am just trying to limit how much medication I take all together. That and my anxiety isn't anywhere near where it used to be and definitely not the degree yours is.

I reeeeallly feel for you though. . .It's a b*tch.

I'm glad you are getting the support you need.

Does he take medication (if you don't mind disclosing)?

 

I feel like the antidepressant was too much or not the right chemicals. Hopefully an anti anxiety med will work better.

Yes, he takes 100 mg of Zoloft . Works great for him . I hope you find something that works.