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Thread: Mental health and sex

  1. #1
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    Mental health and sex

    Hello all,
    Once again my mental health has caused me to analyse stuff that I really don't need to, but, in order to help clear my mind or give me answers I felt I should write it here and see what you all think.
    My ex and I split 2 months back and this post doesn't relate to the split but more of an understanding of the mind.
    She had a fair few sexual partners in comparison to me and she stated that she went through a patch where she would sleep with guys in an effort to make them like her. The guy though, more often than not, walked away once he got what he wanted. This then made her feel pretty low so the cycle would repeat itself as she would attempt to impress and gain the love of the next guy.

    Is this a sign of someone that struggles with low self worth /self esteem? She has ocd and anxiety plus was in a relationship where the guy abused her (not physically) is it a sign of poor mental health?
    I know I shouldn't even care but whilst I'm in this mindset I feel I need to process a lot of stuff to give me the best start at moving forward Getting Ready for a First Date

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    It probably is a sign of low self esteem and perhaps a lack of self respect. From what you have said she sounds quite vunerable as well. However that's about where it's at! For you to continue to analyse and overthink it is not condusive or helpful.
    Accept that's how it is for her and other women that will give themselves to easily to men.
    Compartmentalise it and work on moving yourself on.
    Last edited by Danmarko; 05-06-2020 at 07:37 AM.

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    Originally Posted by Danmarko
    It probably is a sign of low self esteem and perhaps a lack of self respect. From what you have said she sounds quite vunerable as well. However that's about where it's at! For you to continue to analyse and overthink it is not condusive or helpful.
    Accept that's how it is for her and other women that will give themselves to easily to men.
    Compartmentalise it and work on moving yourself on.
    Yeah I agree. I have retroactive jealousy and this kind of thing gets on my mind. I think it helps me understand her actions if I ask about it and then it helps me process the split too as I can see she isn't just some "easy" girl and that there e was actually a mental health reason behind that behaviour

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    Are you asking because you're interested in studying psychology in general? Because otherwise it's irrelevant. Here's an example -for five months I dated and was over the moon for a "reformed" player type. He would have described himself that way. I don't think he ever loved or was in love with me. I made a mistake by getting too attached and by having sex with him which went against my values and standards. When he ended things I could have told myself it was because he had "commitment" issues - which he actually had had according to him in the past. But instead I chose to accept right away that he just wasn't that into me. That way when he called to see me again -to basically hang out and hook up -I didn't fall for him again and put a stop to it almost right away (yes we did fool around once or twice more but I realized what a bad idea that was).

    6 months later he met his future wife. I never met her in person but she is prettier than me IMO and he actually wasn't entirely appropriate with her (meaning he would contact me over the years inappropriately) but he married her they had two gorgeous kids, very successful. Still married 15 years later from all I know -I stayed friends with our mutual connection -his brother. I healed and moved on so so much faster because I didn't indulge in this sort of analysis you are -didn't rationalize that if I could label it "fear of commitment" I could move on. I still felt a twinge when he fell in love with his future wife, when I heard they got engaged, etc. But I moved on because I accepted he ended things because people move towards pleasure and away from pain. Common sense. That the main reason someone ends a relationship like that is "not that into you".

    I know many insecure and low self esteem people who are in happy marriages - because many people have that, it's a broad spectrum and often they meet people who complement (not compliment) them and can balance out the low self esteem - sometimes it's neuroses falling for each other LOL.

    I'd move on from this sort of analysis unless you plan to study it in a formal program.

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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Are you asking because you're interested in studying psychology in general? Because otherwise it's irrelevant. Here's an example -for five months I dated and was over the moon for a "reformed" player type. He would have described himself that way. I don't think he ever loved or was in love with me. I made a mistake by getting too attached and by having sex with him which went against my values and standards. When he ended things I could have told myself it was because he had "commitment" issues - which he actually had had according to him in the past. But instead I chose to accept right away that he just wasn't that into me. That way when he called to see me again -to basically hang out and hook up -I didn't fall for him again and put a stop to it almost right away (yes we did fool around once or twice more but I realized what a bad idea that was).

    6 months later he met his future wife. I never met her in person but she is prettier than me IMO and he actually wasn't entirely appropriate with her (meaning he would contact me over the years inappropriately) but he married her they had two gorgeous kids, very successful. Still married 15 years later from all I know -I stayed friends with our mutual connection -his brother. I healed and moved on so so much faster because I didn't indulge in this sort of analysis you are -didn't rationalize that if I could label it "fear of commitment" I could move on. I still felt a twinge when he fell in love with his future wife, when I heard they got engaged, etc. But I moved on because I accepted he ended things because people move towards pleasure and away from pain. Common sense. That the main reason someone ends a relationship like that is "not that into you".

    I know many insecure and low self esteem people who are in happy marriages - because many people have that, it's a broad spectrum and often they meet people who complement (not compliment) them and can balance out the low self esteem - sometimes it's neuroses falling for each other LOL.

    I'd move on from this sort of analysis unless you plan to study it in a formal program.
    Thanks for your reply. No I'm not studying anything to do with it.
    I know it's irrelevant and I believe it's part of this retroactive jealousy. Things I can't control and things that don't matter enter a mind and don't leave.
    I believe I just wanted an outlook from others as to whether her behaviour tallies up with people that suffer from anxiety/ocd/depressions etc as it would probably allow me to accept things a little more.
    She was the sweetest girl to me, a self proclaimed grandma in her words - doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't go out much. Therefore when she told me she had that more promiscuous chapter of her life I was curious to know if its a trait of people with low self worth or a history of mental health issues.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Some people use sex to self medicate, gain approval, etc....or just have fun.
    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    She had a fair few sexual partners in comparison to me and she stated that she went through a patch where she would sleep with guys in an effort to make them like her.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    You're not clearing your mind, you're drilling yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of.

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    Maybe she just enjoys sex.

    It doesn't have to make her "easy" or mentally unwell. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Some people just love the physically fun aspects of it.

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Maybe she just enjoys sex.

    It doesn't have to make her "easy" or mentally unwell. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Some people just love the physically fun aspects of it.
    We all enjoy it. She referenced it as something she regrets when we spoke about it and she told me how she would do it to try and impress a guy or make him want her more but when he didn't and called it off, she felt hurt and repeated the cycle until she found someone that did actually want her as a partner

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    You're not clearing your mind, you're drilling yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of.
    This is what I see, in terms of the most relevant human psychology to understand right now. Accepting exactly this without any judgement—that, right now, you are choosing to deepen the hole you're in—might help you make different choices to exit the hole. Maybe it helps you learn to observe these thoughts as they enter you mind, along with watching them stroll back out with your validating them as so important.

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