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Thread: Feeling down about a setback

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The issue in your earlier post was whether or not to reply to a changed offer in rates. As a general rule, it is a good idea to respond professionally. It's good practice even if you don't want to. I can't tell you how many times I'd rather have archived an email string but have had to be present at a meeting or respond because it's what you do especially if you do eventually work for the company of your dreams. As for the pay, you won't be encouraging anyone to pay you a higher amount by getting angry or upset. You're completely entitled to that and if you're annoyed and insulted, use it as inspiration and find some place else or some other work that will satisfy your hunger to do better.

    From your level of frustration, maybe this isn't the right kind of work to try to get into despite the difficult economic situation. Maybe it was a good thought or an idea. But now it's not. Don't waste your energy. I hope your boyfriend isn't putting pressure on you or anyone else in your family or immediate circle. Let this go if it's not right for you.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Wiseman, it's a shrug.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    The issue in your earlier post was whether or not to reply to a changed offer in rates. As a general rule, it is a good idea to respond professionally. It's good practice even if you don't want to. I can't tell you how many times I'd rather have archived an email string but have had to be present at a meeting or respond because it's what you do especially if you do eventually work for the company of your dreams. As for the pay, you won't be encouraging anyone to pay you a higher amount by getting angry or upset. You're completely entitled to that and if you're annoyed and insulted, use it as inspiration and find some place else or some other work that will satisfy your hunger to do better.

    From your level of frustration, maybe this isn't the right kind of work to try to get into despite the difficult economic situation. Maybe it was a good thought or an idea. But now it's not. Don't waste your energy. I hope your boyfriend isn't putting pressure on you or anyone else in your family or immediate circle. Let this go if it's not right for you.
    So you can't tell me how many times you did something you didn't want to... because...."it's what you do?" Is it though? Or is it what YOU do because someone told you you're obligated to absolutely every soul to be sweet and polite?

    I'm just not sure exactly what its good practice for ya know? Using words? Being a doormat? I email almost every day. I know how to say thank you when someone does something I'm grateful for, or we at least have a good respectful working relationship.

    I'm self employed and its not rare for individuals and companies to reach out, tell me all about their thing, ask for prices, say they will get back to me and never come around. This is normal and I don't really care or get too upset. It doesn't cost me much time or effort to email someone, and how else would they know if its a good fit?

    In this case I'd like them to know that when they waste my time like this or play haggling games, I'm not exactly grateful. When they gush about my work, then ask me to copy someone else's, they should understand they are doing nobody's career a favor and it's hella shady. And yes even doing my hair and getting ready and talking on the phone.. I am BUSY, it does make a difference in my world. Even a voice call would have been better, but they wanted video.

    What do they have to do with the company of my dreams and my future? They are far from that, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that, where they go around badmouthing some private contractor to completely unrelated companies over drinks lol. As if this one company will destroy my whole career for not responding back to one email that frankly needs no response?? Its hard to even imagine it coming out not passive aggressive, as i DONT want to give the impression its ok to do this. Some of the responses here are more upsetting than this situation was in the first place! lol. So you're saying... I should lower my rates because... theres a deadly virus crushing some other sectors of the economy, so now its a free for all pass to loot the working/professional class??

    And see this is why I never post on this forum lol. I am not a sophisticated robot, I'm a human being and as such, of course I get upset when I feel disrespected and blown away by the audacity of some people. I have emotions like you probably are a real emotional wreck in your own life, but on here you a cold hard logic calculator and a stoic warrior, and Im supposed to be too. ok then.

    It's clear they changed course for some other reason, not cost, but thats what they're telling me to save face, and everyone is like wHy dOnT yoU NeGotiTate! They probably felt uncomfortable asking me to rip off my boyfriend, once they found out thats who he was to me. I thought that was obvious though!

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't think it's smart to mix emotions with your work. I get that you are upset but you're making it very difficult for employers to hire you based on that mindset. You're always welcome to share what you feel and I understand you're upset and feeling down like your title in your thread says. Personal attacks aren't welcome, by the way. We can make a point without getting personal or rude.

    Of course you're under no obligation to respond to the employer at all. If you're so adamant against it, why bother what anyone else thinks or even ask what others think?

    I was only suggesting earlier to turn your feelings of frustration towards more inspiration, do something else with your energy. Don't waste it arguing over issues that are not in your power to change.

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  6. #25
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    I'm not making it 'very difficult' for anyone to hire me. I went along with their whole game until this point, there is no counter offer just a nebulous 'we cant move forward with the rates'. Never a budget proposal, they asked me what I want. I think I was very fair. Meaning I could lower it out of desperation and still have them want to lower it further. I know this project would be a lot of work and a headache. And if expecting respect is a "mindset" that makes me hard to work with, Im not sure I want to work with people like that. Myself and others do have experience and judgement in our field you know, and these types of clients never tend to get better after the initial impression.

    I was just curious to see if anyone had a smarter/better response than silence or a decent reason I should say anything at all.

  7. #26
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    I don't think silence is emotional at all in my opinion, but it does send a message. Conveniently, one that is largely up for interpretation.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you don't feel like you're being respected in the first place after the nebulous comment about them not being able to move forward with the rates, I'd imagine it's difficult to interpret any other communication in a positive way with this company. I think it's best to walk away. If they rub you the wrong way and you may not feel comfortable discussing further, there really isn't anything else to do. You can't force someone to hire you on your terms alone if the need just isn't there or for any number of reasons.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Thank you for the virtual Kaomoji lesson.😊
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Wiseman, it's a shrug.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    If you don't feel like you're being respected in the first place after the nebulous comment about them not being able to move forward with the rates, I'd imagine it's difficult to interpret any other communication in a positive way with this company. I think it's best to walk away. If they rub you the wrong way and you may not feel comfortable discussing further, there really isn't anything else to do. You can't force someone to hire you on your terms alone if the need just isn't there or for any number of reasons.
    Wow.. You really took that out of context. Its not just the 'nebulous comment' that was disrespectful. Why accept my rates in the first place and led this whole thing forward in a serious way!? There was no need for a nearly hour long video call!

    They schedule this call where literally everything could have been communicated by email, only to "spontaneously" change their mind.... And I'm the one misinterpreting that because I'm so emotional?

    I think maybe you have a problem interpreting social cues if thats the case? I just don't have that much free time on my hands.

    Welp thank you for your feedback. I agree theres not much to discuss as they're not being forthright in the first place anyway.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by blitzkrieged
    Wow.. You really took that out of context. Its not just the 'nebulous comment' that was disrespectful. Why accept my rates in the first place and led this whole thing forward in a serious way!? There was no need for a nearly hour long video call!

    They schedule this call where literally everything could have been communicated by email, only to "spontaneously" change their mind.... And I'm the one misinterpreting that because I'm so emotional?

    I think maybe you have a problem interpreting social cues if thats the case? I just don't have that much free time on my hands.

    Welp thank you for your feedback. I agree theres not much to discuss as they're not being forthright in the first place anyway.
    I frankly don't see what's the big deal. Being very honest with you here. They can do whatever they want and having you video call is a very minor issue. Many jobs have more than one interview and one video call is the least of it with no guarantees for placement or getting the job or even the salary or rates you request. Look, you seem to have a bone to pick at every turn with this company from their rates to the way they hire. This isn't a good choice for you. If it's causing you this much headache, don't reply to them and don't apply with them again.

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