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Thread: Is it ever a good idea to stay friends with an ex

  1. #1
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    Is it ever a good idea to stay friends with an ex

    Recently broke up with my ex...again. We had only got back together in February, after a few months apart (we were in LDR before which caused the strain that lead to the breakup).

    Anyway, he's switched over to being "friends" far too quickly. To the point where it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't want to pretend things are "all good" because they aren't just yet.

    I wondered what people's thoughts are on staying friends with an ex?

    We don't really have friends in common, we can both walk away with the friends we came into the relationship with. But our parents have since become very close friends... which is now difficult. At least for me.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Yes distance yourself from this unfulfilling situation. If your parents are friends and you happen to see him, be cordial but it would be best not to stay friends or be on social media. Delete and block him so you can move forward. Confide in your parents, they will understand.

    Is this the same guy:? [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Darlington
    Recently broke up with my ex...again. he's switched over to being "friends" far too quickly. our parents have since become very close friends... which is now difficult.

  3. #3
    Gold Member ChellyV's Avatar
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    I am friends with all my ex's meaning, I talk to them when needed but they are not in my immediate circle.

    I also allow to fully heal before contacting or responding again. Be polite in case you see each other, but go NC for now and block them on social media. You can "friend" them again once you have truly moved on.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Yes distance yourself from this unfulfilling situation. If your parents are friends and you happen to see him, be cordial but it would be best not to stay friends or be on social media. Delete and block him so you can move forward. Confide in your parents, they will understand.

    Is this the same guy:? [Register to see the link]
    Yes it's the same person. After posting the linked post, we spoke and I told him I wanted more than a "maybe, baby" situation. He had then said he'd like to give things go again, so we did. But if I'm honest the effort on his part was never really where it needed to be....then COVID hit and things went down hill from there.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    When you're able to be friends, you won't want to be.

    Someone said that to me once and it really is true for me.

    We hold on to exes under the guise of friendship. But its really to just keep that door open. Like somehow, they will magically change and be the one.

    When you fall for someone else, you will not care that this guy's parents are friends with your parents. You actually will see what this guy really is to you, no one. someone you used to know. And thats not bad.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Being "friends" with an ex, basically means you say hi if you see them out somewhere and might even have quick chitchat, but that's it.
    You don't message one another, you don't hang out, you don't remain in one another's lives.

    Your ex is behaving this way for one of two reasons: 1.) He's trying to prolong the end of the relationship, or 2.) He's trying to prove to you that the breakup doesn't bother him and he's over it.

    Whatever the reason is, don't play his games. Stop contacting him or allowing him to contact you. Breaking up means, the end. No contact.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Also, consider this. If you truly are over one another and you are ONLY friends. Then both of you will be fine...more than fine...happy for one another if one or both of you finds love with someone else. There won't be any hard feelings, in fact, you will be supportive and sincerely happy for your friend.

    If either of you or both of you aren't in that place yet...then you're not friends and you need to stay away from each other.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Also, consider this. If you truly are over one another and you are ONLY friends. Then both of you will be fine...more than fine...happy for one another if one or both of you finds love with someone else. There won't be any hard feelings, in fact, you will be supportive and sincerely happy for your friend.

    If either of you or both of you aren't in that place yet...then you're not friends and you need to stay away from each other.
    I completely agree with this. I did tell him I needed time before diving into a friendship. But he keeps texting to "check on me". I don't want to pretend to be friends... because we are not friends yet...we are exes. If a friendship occurs naturally in the future when there are no more feelings then fine. But it's not something I want to force. I just want and need time apart at the moment.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's not possible to suddenly go from from dating to friends. You're not robots, it takes times to go from having strong feelings to none and being neutral.

    It sounds like he might be over things. Maybe he lost feelings a while back and he really is over everything. But you're not, and he needs to respect that and let you be.

    The one who broke your heart is not the one who can mend it. Only time can do that. You need to be away from him in order to stop hurting.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If you feel weird, difficult and awkward, I say, "NO" to friendship.

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