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Thread: Is it ever a good idea to stay friends with an ex

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Originally Posted by Lambert
    When you're able to be friends, you won't want to be.

    Someone said that to me once and it really is true for me.

    We hold on to exes under the guise of friendship. But its really to just keep that door open. Like somehow, they will magically change and be the one.

    When you fall for someone else, you will not care that this guy's parents are friends with your parents. You actually will see what this guy really is to you, no one. someone you used to know. And thats not bad.
    This has always been true for me, as well. When I was well and truly over an ex, I no longer really cared if we were friends or not. Perhaps he was already getting over your relationship before it ended. I know that it is a painful thought, but hearts rarely break equally. Take whatever space you need. if you think you'll want to be friends in the future, be direct but not too revealing about your reasons for pulling back and then set the boundary. A true friend would honor the boundary and understand the need for it.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    I stayed acquaintances with one ex and closer friends with another. In the first case we ended up back together almost 8 years later, now married 11 years. With the second one we probably shouldn't have stayed in such close touch more for his sake - but about two years after we broke up he met his future wife and told me he was dating her. As soon as that happened I diplomatically distanced myself and he accepted the "distance" which was great for the situation. Oddly his wife emailed me 6 months after they married - I'd never met her or communicated with her - because she wanted to meet me. (Yes we did -all 4 of us - my future husband came too). Anyway in the case of my husband it was because we impersonally stayed in touch over the years that we ended up reconnecting - had we not been in touch at all I doubt he would have contacted me all those years later.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I'd give each other space. Don't track each other on social media either. You both need time to find yourselves again and re-learn things about yourself. I'd distance yourself from your parents also and let them be friends if they're friends. There's nothing unhealthy about taking a few weeks to yourself and getting out of a usual routine. Check in every week or so but take a time out and get out and do things on your own.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    I think it's a silly term to use around exes. When it's over it's over. Your not going to pop down the pub or go bowling with your (I used to sleep with you we had a relationship) 'friend'. I had an ex who pretended to be friends with all her exes. The only reason she did so was to use them for one favor or another. Incidentally one them did so on a friends with benefits basis. Scrap that idea and leave him in the past, no sense in this pretend end to a relationship.


  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Ok why have him in around? It serves no purpose. It only keeps you from moving forward to a relationship that is satisfying. Have you read the book: "He Is Just Not That Into You"?. It describes guys like this ans others to avoid.
    Originally Posted by Darlington
    Yes it's the same person. I told him I wanted more than a "maybe, baby" situation. But if I'm honest the effort on his part was never really where it needed to be.

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