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Thread: Being left for someone else

  1. #1
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    Being left for someone else

    Hello everyone,

    I'm going through a breakup. This relationship was a 2 year relationship. I'm 25, and he's almost 27. I thought this was the right guy. However, I do believe he started to change halfway into the relationship....just a little more distant, but then he went back to normal. The major change occurred last October of 2019, when he lost his place and due to his credit, he was struggling to get a new place. So he had to move in back with his parents. He couldn't move in with me because I had roommates. Living with his parents took a toll on him because he's always been on his own since 21 years old. He became soo much more distant and stressed, and I tried to be there for him, motivating him to improve his credit. Every time I brought up why he was distant, he would say because he's stressed, so I tried to just keep everything at peace, but I knew our relationship was going downhill. We were meeting less frequently, he didn't seem as excited anymore. Even when it came to valentine's this year, I told him I didn't want anything after he asked what I want. I told him to save his money to pay debt off. Towards the end of the relationship, he once asked me if he could use my credit to buy a place. I recall my answer was an unsure no because I also want to keep my score right, and that I just didn't want to introduce any financial drama to our situation. However, one day out of the blue, I thought about it and reconsidered this issue. I told him I'll cosign with him and that I didn't mind as long as he paid everything on time. I just really felt this was affecting us in such a negative way, and knew he needed his independence. His response? "noo it's okay actually, it was too much of me to ask you but thank you and I appreciate how you're there for me"...and I said to let me know if he ever changed his mind.

    Anyway, that was background on his financial side and situation. The issue with us still existed, however. He was still very distant, less affectionate, and we saw each other less. He stopped communicating with me. On April 1st (he thought this was an April Fool's joke) I told him I was unhappy and I can't do this anymore, but that I wanna work on it but that I just felt alone in the relationship. He said I can go and blamed it on me that I felt unsure about him, and said he wanted to go. I told him I loved him, and that his situation is not the problem, it's the way we have been together. But we ended up working it out, or at least I thought. 5 days later, we were supposed to meet, and he gave me an excuse. So I was hurt because it was 2 weeks since we've seen each other that day, and he broke up with me because I was getting all my feelings out, and I got fed up with him cancelling in the last minute. He would wait for me to ask if we were seeing each other....so that's why I just blew up.
    While breaking up with me, he said that he loved me but can't do this anymore. He said "there's no me here anymore". He said I always want to argue...but it's usually me trying to communicate. I asked if he had someone, he said no.

    So, 3 weeks after the breakup. He went public with his new relationship online with another girl. He was posting pictures of her, showing her off. I also think they live together by now. She's 2 years older than he is. To me, it seems as if he's moving very fast. But what if he's been talking to her for months and months before he left me? She's also not the type of woman he would go for, so I'm not sure he's using her for a place. i would hope that's not in his character. He just seems all about her online, he was never like that with me. He doesn't flirt with anyone and seems super loyal on social media. Everything is my gf this and my gf that.

    I guess I don't know what the point of this is. I want answers to my questions....was I cheated on? Was everything a lie? Can someone really move on this fast? He seems so happy. I'm sad I was so loyal and understanding to this guy. I hate knowing I was betrayed. How can someone really move on this fast? We had history and a connection. He always talked about the future, kids, how I'm the woman of his dreams. All this talk stopped when he didn't have a place anymore. Is this a rebound relationship? I know he's the type to not enjoy being 100% alone, he feels safe talking to someone, and feeling stable. Maybe this relationship with the new girl is providing him with stability?

    To be honest, it's not that I want him back. I haven't spoken to him in almost 3 weeks now and you can't come back from this. The love he is showing for her online is hurtful. I don't recognize him anymore. But I want to know why and why and why. Tomorrow is his birthday, and it's a weird feeling. I have been doing NC and I am trying to not snoop on his social media, the frequency of doing so is getting less and less. But I feel betrayed every day. I still can't believe he is happy and with someone else. I know he loved me, but now was he ever in love with me?

    If anyone has gone through anything similar, I would love to know. Or if you can shed a new perspective my way. I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. I'm hurt, but I've gone through pain in the past, and I know everything is doable to keep going. I can can continue NC, even though I've already had my weak days. But after knowing he has a gf, it's easier to keep NC because of my dignity.
    How do I move on? How do you deal with feeling forgotten?

    Thank you for reading all of this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    No worries, she's just a rebound...people on a rebound do move fast but burn out within 6 months. It's not love it's infatuation he has for her. Most likely won't last.

    Never take it personally. Your relationship ran it's course just like with anyone else. Hard to imagine when you have all the emotions you are dealing with. It's only been a few weeks...in about 2 more you will feel a little lighter, and more hopeful for a new future. You want to go forward, you have to block/delete and not look at what he is doing with his life....time to completely let him go. No more worrying about what he's up to, it's no concern of yours. Erase him.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    No worries, she's just a rebound...people on a rebound do move fast but burn out within 6 months. It's not love it's infatuation he has for her. Most likely won't last.

    Never take it personally. Your relationship ran it's course just like with anyone else. Hard to imagine when you have all the emotions you are dealing with. It's only been a few weeks...in about 2 more you will feel a little lighter, and more hopeful for a new future. You want to go forward, you have to block/delete and not look at what he is doing with his life....time to completely let him go. No more worrying about what he's up to, it's no concern of yours. Erase him.
    Thanks for your input. I tell myself she's a rebound as well, despite it not feeling like one. They say I love you to each other already. He has never shown off how was in a relationship with me the way he does now with her. This man seems in love.

    But I do agree that my relationship did run its course. The only issue I struggle with is social media right now. He is keeping himself busy while I am still checking what he is doing to get answers to why he did what he did. By doing this, I know I am holding myself back only.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Well, you know what to do.

    Unfriend and block. It's not immature, a sign of weakness, unnecessary, harsh or any other excuse you can think of. And don't care about what mutual friends might think because they aren't living your life. And most certainly do not worry about what he will think!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You did the right thing ending it. How did he get into this much debt? He needed to resolve his own problems like a grown up, not expect a gf to fix his problems for him. He seems particularly irresponsible, unreliable and manipulative.

    It's never a good idea to pity anyone or emasculate them. Never co-sign for anyone. Delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging apps. Just laugh to yourself that he tricked someone other than you into being his sugar mama.

    Clearly this new gf is a free place to stay and bank account. Be very grateful that your instincts guided you away from this gigolo.
    Originally Posted by lovelyworld
    The major change occurred last October of 2019, when he lost his place and due to his credit, he was struggling to get a new place. So he had to move in back with his parents.

    I told him to save his money to pay debt off. Towards the end of the relationship, he once asked me if he could use my credit to buy a place.

    He went public with his new relationship online with another girl. I also think they live together by now. She's 2 years older than he is.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lovelyworld
    .

    But I do agree that my relationship did run its course. The only issue I struggle with is social media right now. He is keeping himself busy while I am still checking what he is doing to get answers to why he did what he did. By doing this, I know I am holding myself back only.
    I'm sorry. This does hurt for sure. But you have to force yourself to be busy and not check on him.

    If it helps, this has happened to me. I was crushed... as you are. but I didn't really start to feel better until I decided my life and what I'm doing is not dependent on what others, including my ex, are doing.

    At the end of the day, my life, what I do, how I spend my time, etc is GOOD ENOUGH for me. Focus on your loved ones and thank God, this guy did not wreck your credit. little deadbeat
    Last edited by Lambert; 05-14-2020 at 04:13 PM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You dodged a bullet when he didnt want your money to buy a place.

    Sounds like she's a rebound, which really doesnt matter in the long run. You need to block and delete this guy from everything possible. You arent going to move on if you keep looking at whatever he's doing. You have to rise above this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He moved in with her after 3 weeks. It seems the sugar mama. He may have been lining up someone to suck money and resources out of since you sensed things "were going downhill".
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Sounds like she's a rebound

  10. #9
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    I'd put good money on the fact something was happening between your bf and this other woman whilst you two were still engaging in your relationship. Seen this many times and had it happen to me.

  11. #10
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    OP, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Reading through your post, this was not the right guy for you. The distance, the lack of affection, the lack of communication, feeling all alone.......none of that is healthy, it's not a situation anyone wants to be in. Moreover, when you expressed your unhappiness to your boyfriend and wanting to work on things, he chose to end the relationship and walk away rather than work on it and try to make it stronger. That's on him.

    Here's my advice to you: take a long break from social media. You are correct that checking up on your ex via social media is not doing yourself any favors. It is holding you back and preventing you from moving forward in your emotional healing. Believe me, I completely understand the awful feeling of being quickly replaced, as though you are easily discarded without a second thought. I understand the temptation of comparing yourself to the "other woman", why her and not me?, what does she have that I don't?, etc., etc.

    It does no good to compare the relationship you had with your ex to the one he currently displays publicly on social media. It doesn't give you an accurate picture anyway. You see only what they choose to show. And, people generally show only the positive, never the negative. No relationship is all rainbows and sunshine, every relationship has its own ups and downs. Their relationship is no different, so it's best to stop torturing yourself by looking at something that is very much skewed from reality.

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