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Thread: Being left for someone else

  1. #21
    Bronze Member
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    Originally Posted by JenCrowley
    OP, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Reading through your post, this was not the right guy for you. The distance, the lack of affection, the lack of communication, feeling all alone.......none of that is healthy, it's not a situation anyone wants to be in. Moreover, when you expressed your unhappiness to your boyfriend and wanting to work on things, he chose to end the relationship and walk away rather than work on it and try to make it stronger. That's on him.

    Here's my advice to you: take a long break from social media. You are correct that checking up on your ex via social media is not doing yourself any favors. It is holding you back and preventing you from moving forward in your emotional healing. Believe me, I completely understand the awful feeling of being quickly replaced, as though you are easily discarded without a second thought. I understand the temptation of comparing yourself to the "other woman", why her and not me?, what does she have that I don't?, etc., etc.

    It does no good to compare the relationship you had with your ex to the one he currently displays publicly on social media. It doesn't give you an accurate picture anyway. You see only what they choose to show. And, people generally show only the positive, never the negative. No relationship is all rainbows and sunshine, every relationship has its own ups and downs. Their relationship is no different, so it's best to stop torturing yourself by looking at something that is very much skewed from reality.
    Thank you for understanding. I know social media is all a facade. I know I also shouldn't compare myself to her, and I don't. I've always been happy and confident within myself, and I try my best to respect and also love other women. I just don't want this situation to change my outlook, I do not want it to make me bitter towards another woman or ask myself what does she have that I don't? But it's inevitable. I've already done so. I don't see anything in her, but he does...and that's the hurtful part.

    I also know everyone just shows the positives on social media and that they're on their honeymoon stage. I will try to stop checking.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you had to go through this. I agree with the others - please put this out of your head slowly, surely. With time your heart will heal and you'll be able to see things a little clearer. Right now you must be in a lot of pain.

    Be careful with everyone you meet and take things with a grain of salt. Trust your first instincts too.

    This may be one of those lessons where we learn about the character of someone through one means and it permeates all other parts of their personality too. Stay safe and take care of yourself.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it seems you became a doormat in that relationship. He is not what you thought he was. You need to open your eyes when dating/in a relationship and not focus so much on fixing people.

    Wishing you could house him, rifling through his finances, offering co-signing, etc. Think about that. He has parents, there are banks, accountants etc. Your focus on this woman is completely misplaced. It's jealousy.

    However the real issue is a complete lack of boundaries and mothering, smothering and being so desperate that you offered up money and wanted to fix him. Some short term therapy would help you overcome insecurities and learn about appropriate boundaries. You should not be rifling through anyone's finances or giving financial advice. This is His job to fix.

    However you learned some important lessons with all this. Do not fix people. Do not mother or smother or otherwise emasculate guys. Do not play cheerleader, therapist or financial advisor. When some starts backing off open your eyes rather than getting into panic and smother mode.
    Originally Posted by lovelyworld
    ask myself what does she have that I don't?

  4. #24
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    OP just to say i agree with what the others say. This relationship had ran its course. You will never know for sure that he cheated so don't waste your time and energy on worrying about that


    Keep him blocked on all forms of contact. Don't let him back in your life. You 2 are done.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Maybe he cheated, maybe he didn't. There is really no way to know and what good does it do for you to believe that he has cheated?

    What you should focus on is the fact that this relationship stopped being good a long time ago, aka that maybe you should have walked long ago instead of staying. Something to think about that will be helpful to you in terms of moving on and what to do in your next relationship. Maybe next time, when the guy turns about to be not who you thought....you'll recognize it just a little faster and exit quicker.

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