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Thread: Being left for someone else

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. You did the right thing ending it. How did he get into this much debt? He needed to resolve his own problems like a grown up, not expect a gf to fix his problems for him. He seems particularly irresponsible, unreliable and manipulative.

    It's never a good idea to pity anyone or emasculate them. Never co-sign for anyone. Delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging apps. Just laugh to yourself that he tricked someone other than you into being his sugar mama.

    Clearly this new gf is a free place to stay and bank account. Be very grateful that your instincts guided you away from this gigolo.
    Thank you for this perspective. He was actually the one to end it, which hurts even more. Can the dumper still get a rebound or does this apply to dumpees only? But I do agree with you on everything else. I am still a grad student, so I am not even in such a financial place to look down on anyone. But I'm not sure how he got into so much debt. I looked at his credit report when trying to help him once, and many of the collections were medical. And two other things were not.

    I'd like to think it's not in his character to use someone, but maybe it is. Why post about how much you're in love with someone only to hurt them if you're using them? (about his new gf). I think he is still paying (maybe half or all) to stay at this new girl's place because he still has a job and does get paid, but it was his credit that was preventing him from getting his own place again.

    I'm very glad I didn't co-sign with him, though. I'm glad I didn't damage my credit for him. I also know I dodged a bullet deep down, but my heart can't get over the fact he moved on so fast.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    You dodged a bullet when he didnt want your money to buy a place.

    Sounds like she's a rebound, which really doesnt matter in the long run. You need to block and delete this guy from everything possible. You arent going to move on if you keep looking at whatever he's doing. You have to rise above this.
    I'd like to think she's a rebound as well. But he's showing her off in a way he never showed me off before and claiming he loves her on social media, and she says I love you back as well. He seems so loyal and respectful online for her. Like a changed man!

    I do agree that it shouldn't matter. I have been focusing on loving myself and giving myself the time I need. but I do know I won't move on by checking up on him. I struggle with this, I'll admit. But I will try to change this soon.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Danmarko
    I'd put good money on the fact something was happening between your bf and this other woman whilst you two were still engaging in your relationship. Seen this many times and had it happen to me.
    I think so too. This is what my gut feeling tells me. That it has been going on for a while because he was distant with me and because he seems so happy with her. Because no one goes this official only 3 weeks after a breakup, and it's not in his nature. My gut is telling me he's been wanting out for a while because he was seeing her.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I'm sorry. This does hurt for sure. But you have to force yourself to be busy and not check on him.

    If it helps, this has happened to me. I was crushed... as you are. but I didn't really start to feel better until I decided my life and what I'm doing is not dependent on what others, including my ex, are doing.

    At the end of the day, my life, what I do, how I spend my time, etc is GOOD ENOUGH for me. Focus on your loved ones and thank God, this guy did not wreck your credit. little deadbeat
    I'm glad I don't feel alone in this. To be honest, I feel more at peace with myself now that it's over, but it does not help that I did love him truly. And I just feel so forgotten.
    I am actually in the mindset you just mentioned, my life and how I live it is good enough for me. I keep reminding myself this. lol deadbeat also fits him.

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  6. #15
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    It sounds like he enjoys showing off his new found prize by rubbing your nose in it. I'm sorry this happened, but after showing you his true character, you dodged a bullet, (imo).

  7. #16
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    I am sorry you are in such pain. I know how much it hurts and, unfortunatey, there no off switch to turn off the pain. I've been there, too. Here's a little story: I was married for 29 years. Now, every marriage and relationship has its ups and downs, granted, but I was pretty content. After all, I did take my vows seriously. He was/is a controlling person and I believe he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It was his-way-or-the-highway type of situation. I'm a very easy going person, so I mind really mind. He was kind at the very beginning but became gradually worse. He was disrespectful, verbally and emotionally abusive. But, I did love him quite a lot, despite all his shortcomings. I was blindsided nearly two years ago when he said he wanted a divorce. He told me often that he loved me but, apparently, his love for me was not riciprocated. If it was, he wouldn't have wanted a divorce, right? I moved out a couple of weeks after. About 1.5 weeks after moving, I went back to the house to pick up some of my items which I hadn't taken before. I noticed an extra pillow on my bed, a toothbrush on my side of the sink, extra towels - you get the picture, right? I thought I'd pass out (literally). He actually had someone spend the night 11 days after I moved out! OMG!

    I cannot describe how I felt. I had to not only process the divorce, but also the fact that he already had someone. How quickly and easily I was replaced! I went through hell and back. I thought I'd never heal; I'm still not fully recovered, but I'm getting there. I guess what I want to say is that your bf might feel happy because, after all, they're still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. I am pretty sure it won't last. But, if it does, you definitely dodged a bullet. You deserve someone who truly loves you and respects you. You don't need someone who is distant and cold towards you. As smackie said "she's just a rebound...people on a rebound do move fast but burn out within 6 months. It's not love it's infatuation he has for her. Most likely won't last."

    My ex was with this woman for two months. Then, it fizzled out. He's been with a number of women since that first relationship and none of them seem to be going well (big shock there...LOL). I went NC immediately and have stayed that way for 2 years now. I inadvertently found out about these woman from someone close to me. Knowing he was with a woman severely broke my heart at first, but now it doesn't bother me. I picked myself up, went through the grieving process, and I feel at peace nowadays. I do miss him at times but I rejoice knowing that I am no longer subjected to his hurtful ways.

    Give yourself time, let the past be the past, and let time heal your broken heart. You will get there, I promise. You are still so young. You will find true love someday. Never give up; hang in there. Stay safe. Hugs xx

  8. #17
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    Never, ever agree to cosign for someone!

    He also cheated on you and is using this woman for place to stay. he sounds awful! Block and delete him.

    I think you dodged a bullet. When things clear, his character will become more obvious. It is not good!

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    It sounds like he enjoys showing off his new found prize by rubbing your nose in it. I'm sorry this happened, but after showing you his true character, you dodged a bullet, (imo).
    Not sure why he is showing her off, there is nothing to be jealous of. But do agree that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I hope this doesn't make me sound horrible because I don't want to take my hate or anger on some woman I do not know when he was the problem. But again, I'm not sure why he is showing her off. However, the way the other person looks doesn't take away the hurt. Whether she's attractive or not, it still hurts the same. Maybe he does love her, maybe he is using her, maybe she's a sweetheart. I know he's the problem and is manipulative.

    I know I dodged a bullet, but the hurt and the feelings of betrayal will take some time. If only I can fast forward my life.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I am sorry you are in such pain. I know how much it hurts and, unfortunatey, there no off switch to turn off the pain. I've been there, too. Here's a little story: I was married for 29 years. Now, every marriage and relationship has its ups and downs, granted, but I was pretty content. After all, I did take my vows seriously. He was/is a controlling person and I believe he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It was his-way-or-the-highway type of situation. I'm a very easy going person, so I mind really mind. He was kind at the very beginning but became gradually worse. He was disrespectful, verbally and emotionally abusive. But, I did love him quite a lot, despite all his shortcomings. I was blindsided nearly two years ago when he said he wanted a divorce. He told me often that he loved me but, apparently, his love for me was not riciprocated. If it was, he wouldn't have wanted a divorce, right? I moved out a couple of weeks after. About 1.5 weeks after moving, I went back to the house to pick up some of my items which I hadn't taken before. I noticed an extra pillow on my bed, a toothbrush on my side of the sink, extra towels - you get the picture, right? I thought I'd pass out (literally). He actually had someone spend the night 11 days after I moved out! OMG!

    I cannot describe how I felt. I had to not only process the divorce, but also the fact that he already had someone. How quickly and easily I was replaced! I went through hell and back. I thought I'd never heal; I'm still not fully recovered, but I'm getting there. I guess what I want to say is that your bf might feel happy because, after all, they're still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. I am pretty sure it won't last. But, if it does, you definitely dodged a bullet. You deserve someone who truly loves you and respects you. You don't need someone who is distant and cold towards you. As smackie said "she's just a rebound...people on a rebound do move fast but burn out within 6 months. It's not love it's infatuation he has for her. Most likely won't last."

    My ex was with this woman for two months. Then, it fizzled out. He's been with a number of women since that first relationship and none of them seem to be going well (big shock there...LOL). I went NC immediately and have stayed that way for 2 years now. I inadvertently found out about these woman from someone close to me. Knowing he was with a woman severely broke my heart at first, but now it doesn't bother me. I picked myself up, went through the grieving process, and I feel at peace nowadays. I do miss him at times but I rejoice knowing that I am no longer subjected to his hurtful ways.

    Give yourself time, let the past be the past, and let time heal your broken heart. You will get there, I promise. You are still so young. You will find true love someday. Never give up; hang in there. Stay safe. Hugs xx
    Thank you for this response. I was able to relate so much. Especially the part where you said not only are we trying to process the breakup/divorce(for you), but also the fact they already have someone. It's double the hurt and pain. I can't just let go as easily because I have so many questions. I feel like I was dealing with a fraud. Everything was so fake. Your post gave me hope that I'll be able to move on one day. I already feel myself letting go. I'm also in the process of asking myself why did I stay when I felt things were going downhill? I have some self-work to do. I keep asking myself if it's a rebound or not, and it shouldn't even matter because in the end there's no coming back from this, I don't want him back, but my heart wants the answers. My heart is scared about feeling forgotten or that I meant nothing. I was very loyal to this man, I had many great guys approach me while I was in a relationship with him and I chose to stay true to him every day. But he turned around and did the opposite. Even though time was wasted, I did end up seeing his true colors in the end.

    I am so proud of you, especially after a 29 year marriage. I can't even imagine. Thank you for this post. I know i do not want to waste my youth on such a guy.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Never, ever agree to cosign for someone!

    He also cheated on you and is using this woman for place to stay. he sounds awful! Block and delete him.

    I think you dodged a bullet. When things clear, his character will become more obvious. It is not good!
    I will never cosign with someone, I've learned my lesson now. I've always said this, but it's interesting how I was willing to do so in the end for him. Watching someone you love struggle was hard, even though I tried to push him to fix his credit and get to the root of the issue.

    I also do think he did cheat on me like you said, although he didn't confirm. But the past few months he was so distant, that's the only reason for it. You don't say I love you to someone new 3 weeks after a breakup. My gut feeling was telling me all along, but I wanted to see the good in him. I thought stress was getting to him.
    Last edited by lovelyworld; 05-15-2020 at 01:13 AM.

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