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Thread: Just don't know how to get over this

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by NightFairy12
    Itís very likely itís nothing you did. Depression takes over someoneís mind heart and soul. The best thing you can do is step back and let him heal as long as it takes and when heís feeling more like himself he might seek you out. This is not to say you should put your life on hold by any means. Someone whose depressed needs to focus on getting themselves better (some people are better at using a support system an others isolate and push everyone away). Encourage him to seek help and tell him your available if he chooses to discuss it with you but donít push. Sending virtual hugs ❤️
    Thanks. I am at the point that I'm hoping it's depression, cause at least then there's a chance for improvement. I'm just so scared of losing him from my life.
    He told me when he broke up with me that it was nothing I did. If that's the case and there's no love lost because of a fight or hurting him or whatever then why doesn't he have enough affection for me to help me understand..

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Closure comes from you, not him. Don't beg, rehash or continue to demand explanations. Sorry to say, he's done with a wishy- washy attitude from you.
    Originally Posted by BonnieBurst
    He told me when he broke up with me that it was nothing I did.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by BonnieBurst
    Thanks. I am at the point that I'm hoping it's depression, cause at least then there's a chance for improvement. I'm just so scared of losing him from my life.
    He told me when he broke up with me that it was nothing I did. If that's the case and there's no love lost because of a fight or hurting him or whatever then why doesn't he have enough affection for me to help me understand..
    Because he doesnít have the strength to help you understand. DO NOT ask him anymore to explain bc he will start associating you with ďtoo much workĒ when heís mentally not well right now and not up for it. Exactly what he said with not being able to maintain a relationship right now. I KNOW itís killing you. Donít make him feel like he needs to support your emotions right now, you need to be strong for yourself. I know that sounds terrible but itís like asking someone with the flu to come help you with moving. Cry and be upset to yourself but when he reaches out keep things cheery and light. If he sees you as a positive light he may gravitate more towards you. He has enough gloom and doom in his head right now, donít add to it. The best support for someone in that state is ďIím sorry your feeling this way, I understand, you donít need to explain, etc.Ē That lifts the burden off him to feel like he failed you Bc trust me heís feeling enough like a failure right now Iím sure. I went through something like this with an ex once and the more I pressured him to open up and talk to me the more he didnít want to. I eventually stopped and took a step back and when he was starting to feel better he began reaching out and I showed him that happy girl he was initially attracted to and we were able to get back on track. Itís really hard I know.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by NightFairy12
    Because he doesnít have the strength to help you understand. DO NOT ask him anymore to explain bc he will start associating you with ďtoo much workĒ when heís mentally not well right now and not up for it. Exactly what he said with not being able to maintain a relationship right now. I KNOW itís killing you. Donít make him feel like he needs to support your emotions right now, you need to be strong for yourself. I know that sounds terrible but itís like asking someone with the flu to come help you with moving. Cry and be upset to yourself but when he reaches out keep things cheery and light. If he sees you as a positive light he may gravitate more towards you. He has enough gloom and doom in his head right now, donít add to it. The best support for someone in that state is ďIím sorry your feeling this way, I understand, you donít need to explain, etc.Ē That lifts the burden off him to feel like he failed you Bc trust me heís feeling enough like a failure right now Iím sure. I went through something like this with an ex once and the more I pressured him to open up and talk to me the more he didnít want to. I eventually stopped and took a step back and when he was starting to feel better he began reaching out and I showed him that happy girl he was initially attracted to and we were able to get back on track. Itís really hard I know.
    Yeah, I get that. This is why I haven't contacted him any more, except for when I was advised to try it. He doesn't seem depressed. He apparently got a new job between the time we broke up and now, so I know he at least had the energy to apply, interview, and start a new job, so he can't be that bad off.
    I'm just so sick of my emotions coming last in every friendship/relationship etc. I've been taught to be empathetic, caring, thoughtful but it doesn't strengthen relationships like people claim it does. It's exhausting and just makes you feel like in the long run. Why doesn't he have any responsibility to show the same compassion?

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Closure comes from you, not him. Don't beg, rehash or continue to demand explanations. Sorry to say, he's done with a wishy- washy attitude from you.
    I didn't and have never begged. I asked a question. Part of setting boundaries and having healthy communication with people is being able to articulate what you want and need.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, he doesn't want to keep this conversation going. He was clear, communicative and articulate on that. Not keeping it going is a form of communication. Space would help.
    Originally Posted by BonnieBurst
    Part of setting boundaries and having healthy communication with people is being able to articulate what you want and need.

  8. #27
    Member NightFairy12's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BonnieBurst
    I'm just so sick of my emotions coming last in every friendship/relationship etc. I've been taught to be empathetic, caring, thoughtful but it doesn't strengthen relationships like people claim it does. It's exhausting and just makes you feel like in the long run. Why doesn't he have any responsibility to show the same compassion?
    I get this. I was raised to be mindful and attentive to the needs of others and itís both a strength and weakness. Itís great bc people know you as a kind, caring, responsive person and rarely have a bad thing to say about you. Itís not so great when you come across someone who doesnít reciprocate. And people who say ďoh well thatís your fault for continuing to give to someone who doesnít appreciate!Ē Well itís not something so easy to turn off and makes us prone to getting our feelings hurt and feeling ďless thanĒ in a world filled with majority of ppl who feel they donít owe you anything. I was recently dumped by someone I had a long term relationship with who didnít even give me the courtesy of doing it face to face. We never even really had a discussion about it and itís made it that much harder for me to move on bc I had to figure a lot of what went wrong out on my own. Iím the kind of person who needs to understand WHY. And some people will sit there and say ďwho cares why, itís over, move onĒ I DO CARE. And that part of me wonít change just because someone says so. I understand you, I do. Hang in there.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by NightFairy12
    I get this. I was raised to be mindful and attentive to the needs of others and itís both a strength and weakness. Itís great bc people know you as a kind, caring, responsive person and rarely have a bad thing to say about you. Itís not so great when you come across someone who doesnít reciprocate. And people who say ďoh well thatís your fault for continuing to give to someone who doesnít appreciate!Ē Well itís not something so easy to turn off and makes us prone to getting our feelings hurt and feeling ďless thanĒ in a world filled with majority of ppl who feel they donít owe you anything. I was recently dumped by someone I had a long term relationship with who didnít even give me the courtesy of doing it face to face. We never even really had a discussion about it and itís made it that much harder for me to move on bc I had to figure a lot of what went wrong out on my own. Iím the kind of person who needs to understand WHY. And some people will sit there and say ďwho cares why, itís over, move onĒ I DO CARE. And that part of me wonít change just because someone says so. I understand you, I do. Hang in there.
    Thank you. That's exactly how I feel. And he broke up with me over text in the middle of the night so I saw it when I woke up. I don't know why, especially because he did love and treat me with respect and appreciation up until now, so I really didn't expect this from him.

  10. #29
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    I looked at his facebook today and saw that his status changed to in a relationship with his ex girlfriend. The one he said was not a problem and that it'd been so long since they broke up they're just friends and they barely ever see each other unless they're with mutual friends.
    I just want to throw up.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BonnieBurst
    I looked at his facebook today and saw that his status changed to in a relationship with his ex girlfriend. The one he said was not a problem and that it'd been so long since they broke up they're just friends and they barely ever see each other unless they're with mutual friends.
    I just want to throw up.
    I'm sorry..... (hugs)

    If it makes you feel better, I've been there. Its was a huge shock and you're right, I just wanted to throw up

    Try not to look anymore... even after you block them.

    Facebook is the devil On there everyone looks perfect and their life is so great...

    But maybe this will push you to see this guy is full of crap. He either was lying then or he's lying now. Either way, seems like, he doesn't know what he is doing or even knows himself.

    People that act shady, are shady. he dumped you in the middle of the night and blind sided you. (also had happened to me) and that was all on him. his shadiness and not being the man you need.

    Even if he stays with this woman, he's no prize.

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