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Thread: Really like him - what should I do?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by love999
    I think I'm going to tell him that I need more out of this and waiting as he is expecting is below my standards. If he wants to step it up - great and if not then BYE. My standards definitely matter more and I'm worth more.
    What is it, exactly, that you need "more" of? If you could sit him down and articulate what you want, what would you say?

    I ask because I think this is the language often used when what we want is someone to be more "into" us than we feel they are, which sadly just isn't something we can extract or get someone to "step up" to.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If he wanted more he would already be doing that. Your choices are continue hooking up on his terms or end it to free yourself for someone who is not this type of player. Stop bonding through sex.
    Originally Posted by love999
    I think I'm going to tell him that I need more out of this.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    If he wanted more he would already be doing that. Your choices are continue hooking up on his terms or end it to free yourself for someone who is not this type of player. Stop bonding through sex.
    We actually havent hooked up since. Only little get togethers - picnic in the park etc. But valid point - you cant change someone else, only yourself. I agree.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    What is it, exactly, that you need "more" of? If you could sit him down and articulate what you want, what would you say?

    I ask because I think this is the language often used when what we want is someone to be more "into" us than we feel they are, which sadly just isn't something we can extract or get someone to "step up" to.
    Well - effort. Like I get he wants to take it slow but if you like someone and you are leaving to go out of town for work - wouldnt you make the time to see them before you leave? That type of thing. For me - when I like someone, I will make it happen. I think most people do if they are really serious. Which probably answers my own question ha. But I guess I don't know if it's worth discussing?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by love999
    Well - effort. Like I get he wants to take it slow but if you like someone and you are leaving to go out of town for work - wouldnt you make the time to see them before you leave? That type of thing. For me - when I like someone, I will make it happen. I think most people do if they are really serious. Which probably answers my own question ha. But I guess I don't know if it's worth discussing?
    Early on in dating is not a time to sit down and talk about it or try to teach someone how you'd like them to be, it's a time to step back a bit and simply observe what comes naturally to this person. He is showing you who he is and if you don't like it now, assume that later on it will only get worse because early on people are still putting their best foot forward and trying. This is his trying....which isn't working for you.

    Talking about it is what you do when you have a more long term established relationship and things are starting to go sideways. Early on, you observe and, yes, judge whether this person, their behavior, their personality, they way they treat you is actually a good natural match or not. If it's so early on in dating and you already find yourself needing to "fix" things, it's your clue to walk away because you aren't a good match.

    That said, I still think this particular guy is all kinds of bad news in general. Don't be his play toy or rebound girl.

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