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Thread: Childcare issue

  1. #31
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    Definitely and she has done a great job.
    To explain my scenario a little clearer
    I can't drive
    She doesn't want me using train
    The only family member I have that would normally help is classed as high risk

    On a normal month I would use the train to collect them and the family member takes them back home when they go back to their mum.
    None of those options are currently open to me
    If she wonít allow the train then she has to suck it up.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    It doesn't really look like there is much to argue about. I wouldn't let her rattle you and just tell her that you are happy to have them. Just be careful that you don't get into a pickle about how to get them back to her.

    Ask her to get back to you about how when they will arrive. Don't debate it. . there isn't anything to debate.

    She just wants to be difficult. Let her do it on her own time.
    You have to have two willing participants to have an argument.

    If you stay cordial and don't let her bait you, my guess is she'll cave and get the kids to you in short order.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Offer to come out and visit them at her house. If she balks go back to how things were until restrictions ease up.

    In fact when you tell your kids in video chat that you Wanted to come see them but couldn't it's good damage control for the impossible situation she is creating for everyone.

    Think about it, if it really were about your kids, you could visit them there. This is about she wants a break from them. All about what she wants dressed up as she is the better parent and you are remiss. Don't take the bait. Offer to visit them at hers, and tell your kids that you want to visit but can't.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Offer to come out and visit them at her house. If she balks go back to how things were until restrictions ease up.

    In fact when you tell your kids in video chat that you Wanted to come see them but couldn't it's good damage control for the impossible situation she is creating for everyone.

    Think about it, if it really were about your kids, you could visit them there. This is about she wants a break from them. All about what she wants dressed up as she is the better parent and you are remiss. Don't take the bait. Offer to visit them at hers, and tell your kids that you want to visit but can't.
    100% agree, I've told them countless times on video calls about how much I cant wait to see them.
    She just definitely wants to point score and create an image of something she isn't.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    100% agree, I've told them countless times on video calls about how much I cant wait to see them.
    She just definitely wants to point score and create an image of something she isn't.
    I'd be careful about that -depends on what your divorce agreement says about speaking negatively about the other parent. Also not great to put them in the middle.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I'd be careful about that -depends on what your divorce agreement says about speaking negatively about the other parent. Also not great to put them in the middle.
    There is no divorce agreement, we were never married.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Exactly. In fact child support is mandatory but visitation is not. It's clear you wish to visit them and it's good you told them that. Hopefully you'll run the "Ill visit them there" plan by her and take it from there. Even if you get take-out with them and eat it the back yard or whatever public space is allowable for your area.

    Kids are already "in the middle" when their parents split. Of course they notice mom and dad are not together. So your job is to be the best dad you can be and not allow their mother to push you around to their detriment by creating lose-lose situations. It does not matter Where you see them it matters That you see them.
    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    There is no divorce agreement.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Exactly. In fact child support is mandatory but visitation is not. It's clear you wish to visit them and it's good you told them that. Hopefully you'll run the "Ill visit them there" plan by her and take it from there. Even if you get take-out with them and eat it the back yard or whatever public space is allowable for your area.

    Kids are already "in the middle" when their parents split. Of course they notice mom and dad are not together. So your job is to be the best dad you can be and not allow their mother to push you around to their detriment by creating lose-lose situations. It does not matter Where you see them it matters That you see them.
    Absolutely show your kids that you care and spend time with them. I wish my father had given a crap and had wanted to spend time with us. He only ever did so begrudgingly.

  10. #39
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    Kids grow up devastated when they think a parent doesnít care. I am almost 54 years old and I am still in my heart hurt that my father didnít give a crap.

  11. #40
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    Thanks all.
    I think my daughter is quite smart and knows that I would love them here as she always gets upset whenever they make the journey back to their mums house when their time with me is up so I know that she knows I love them very much.

    My son is younger so he may be a little confused.

    It's just a shame the mum doesn't realise that what I'm trying to propose is actually safest during this current time.

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