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Thread: I don't know if i'm overreacting or...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I am moving. Actually moving to a location that has a high number of cases. Moving companies are essential and so are moving helpers. However, you have family that can help you move your stuff.

    I read this somewhere:
    If you really want to do something you'll find a way. If you don't really want to you'll find an excuse.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Bumblebee093
    Thank you everyone for your advice!

    We do live together currently and with the situation we canít move out or away because of the restrictions. He has sorced help for his problems but then refuses it. Wonít take medication cause he is against it but will smoke... which I told him is just a crutch and heís not dealing with the issues and heís agreed. He makes dr appointments then cancels and when I ask him about it he will get defensive and lash out at me saying I donít understand and I shouldnít force him. He donít realise (he probably does though) that his actions have an affect on my emotions and how I see it.

    Currently now I asked why heís being short and moody with me and heís told me I need to stop reading into things. I feel extremely guilty talking about him and it makes me upset. I just feel really alone and lost
    Whose place is it?

    There is I reason. Why you or he cannot move to a family member or friend's home. Stop making excuses .

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bumblebee093
    I'm scared to talk to my family and friends as they will see how emotionally weak I am.
    Wow, you've just validated something that's been swimming around in my head for a couple years.

    Abused people really do take pride in the amount of B.S. that they deal with. You really do think that putting up with it is a sign of strength.

    I mean, I can see this is the case with one of my friends, but I feel crazy every time I try to type it out.

    I've known my friend Dana since I was 15. When I met her, she was with Ralph, who was an abusive, controlling jerk. They were together for years and years.

    Then she married John, another controlling abuser.

    Then she married a guy named Jeff, who is extremely popular and charming, but who is also a controlling abuser.

    She and I went to lunch two years ago, and she told me how her friend rented out part of a bar for her birthday party, but nobody showed up, including Jeff.

    Then Jeff strolled in at 1:30AM and proceeded to yell at her and insult her in front of the bar patrons.

    She told me this in the most emotionless, matter-of-fact way. Then she proceeded to tell me that Jeff moved out, stole $100K from her, and won't stop chatting in sex rooms on the internet.

    All of this she told me without batting an eyelash.

    She's still with him.

    The thing about Dana is, it's important to her to be tough, and I really think she'd feel like a weakling or a quitter if she walked away. She'd somehow be betraying him.

    But it's really the opposite. Taking a beating doesn't make you tough. Standing up for yourself makes you tough.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You'd be surprised (or maybe not) how many people say "I'm not a quitter!!!" Or "I don't run away the first time there's an issue!" (even if there have been 457 issues). Or "I try to see the GOOD in people!!" Even if trying to see the alleged "good" means having to ignore or disregard a TON of bad. Or "I don't want to burden my family with my problems." Even if said family would be horrified at what they've been putting up with and would gladly offer help.

    It all boils down to fear of change IMO. Or my personal fave, "I'm AFRAID to be 'alone'!"

    Getting yourself out of a bad situation is the ultimate show of strength. Even if it involves asking for help.

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