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Thread: Would my bf change his mind about marriage ?

  1. #1

    Would my bf change his mind about marriage ?

    Hello everyone
    Iíve been with my bf for 5 months now , heís 25 y/o and im 22 y/o . Its his first relationship ever , and before us he used to be comfortable and happy with being single and having one night stands . It took him a lot of effort and time to get out of his comfort zone and start a long distance relationship with me. Lately iíve been wondering about his thoughts concerning the institute of marriage (not that i want to get married now but i do in the future ) , he said that he couldnít see the difference between being in a serious relationship and being married and that its more comfortable this way now . I asked would he change his mind in the future he said he doesnít know and doesnít think about that subject considering heís still getting used to being in a serious relationship in the first place.
    I respect his opinion and beliefs and am planning on living in the moment with him but what if he doesnít change his mind? It kind of scares me .

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How often do you two see each other in person?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you met in person? Is this a marriage site you are on? Is in-person dating allowed in your culture? If marriage, kids etc are your goals for the future this is not your guy. Why is it long distance?

    5 mos is way too soon for anyone to know if they want to marry you. You will have to relax and take your time dating, having a relationship, getting to know each other etc before anyone could know if they want to marry you in particular even if they eventually want marriage in a general sense.
    Originally Posted by Mildridbierc
    Iíve been with my bf for 5 months now , heís 25 y/o and im 22 y/o .It took him a lot of effort and time to get out of his comfort zone and start a long distance relationship with me.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    If your goal is a serious committed relationship leading to marriage, then don't waste your time on guys who are non-committal players. He is telling you to your face who he is and who he is doesn't match up with your goals. In fact, if you are long distance, you have no idea who he is dating locally. Don't be naive about this stuff.

    A player who suddenly becomes a perfect prince charming makes for great Hollywood rom coms. Unfortunately, movies are just movies and reality doesn't play out like that. In reality, players stay players, cheaters keep cheating, liars keep lying - people don't change who they are. Nothing to do with love or romance and certainly nothing to do with healthy relationships.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    If you are interested in marriage donít bother with people who arenít interested in it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Since you've dated him for 5 months and in a LDR (long distance relationship), after 5 months, if it were me, I'd want to know his thoughts regarding marriage, too.

    My husband and I discussed marriage after dating only 3 months! However, we were both already serious minded and committed to each other back then. I'm not saying discussing marriage early on is for everybody. It's just what we did because we knew we had found "thee one" for life. We both wanted a suburban house, 2 great sons which we have, the white picket fence and a happily ever after just like his parents had.

    Now back to you. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a mature and calm discussion regarding his thoughts of marriage, opinions, goals or find out if he's simply not interested in a marriage type commitment. At least you'll know where he stands and if marriage isn't important to him, you'll realize you're wasting your time with him if marriage is what you want eventually after getting to know your boyfriend better.

    At 5 months, he's in the mindset of not seeing the difference between a serious relationship and marriage and you're pro-marriage. Hence, having a relationship with him will only be strictly boyfriend-girlfriend.

    He's not marriage material. He's indecisive and prefers his freedom. Some men don't want to feel shackled with the thought of marriage for themselves. They don't want to envision themselves pushing a lawnmower on a Saturday afternoon. Some men want to sow their wild oats before settling down. Some men think, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"

    It kind of scares you? Marriage scares him!

    You're right about respecting his opinions and beliefs. However, he doesn't want what you want which is marriage. Either accept him the way he is as simply a LDR boyfriend or exit the relationship and be with a local man who sincerely wants to marry you as your relationship with him progresses.

    To his credit, at least he's not stringing you along. At least he's completely honest with you. There are men who make their girlfriends believe that marriage is a possibility when it reality, they deceive their girlfriends all along with no marriage intentions whatsoever which is worse IMHO. That story is as old as time.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I'm going to have to presume, since the OP never responded, that this relationship isn't "long distance", it's online-only.

    And that's fine, but to expect marriage to develop with someone you don't see in person is kind of unrealistic.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Never stay with someone hoping for a major change. Having two opposing mindsets on a major deal like this is a dealbreaker. Have some standards. Write out a must-have list and dealbreaker list and stick with it. Even if the guy is sexy and fun, he's not worth settling for if you don't match in the major ways.

  10. #9
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    He doesn't want to get married -- at least not to you and if he ever gets to a different stage in life and decides he wants to be married, he will find someone that is suitable for him. If he wanted to get married, he would look for someone local who could have a deeper relationship with him. It sounds like he "finally agreed" to an LDR in a begrudging way. If he was excited about you or at least a relationship, he would have been more motivated to have a relationship with you.

    Yes, it too early for a man to commit, but its definitely the right time to see what his long range ideas are. If you want to get married in the future, i suggest treating him as mr. for now, and/or breaking it off and meeting other guys

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    he said that he couldnít see the difference between being in a serious relationship and being married and that its more comfortable this way now.
    Nope, no way. Nah ah. You are wasting investment in this one Iím afraid.

    People who want marriage will put in the time and commitment to keep a relationship. This guy only sees you nothing more than a fling.

    In any relationship you walk into, you accept who they are. They have to WANT change - you canít a force a person to do so or your partner resents you and it will lead to a break up. You need to find a person who aligns with your values. This guy has made it crystal clear that he doesnít want to be tied down or even AGREE to the value of marriage... that a vibrant bat signal to walk away without looking back.

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