Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 29

Thread: Dilemma

  1. #11
    Weíve become separate people. I care about her and donít want to hurt her, but itís hard to be with her

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,140
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Annoyingknot
    I donít know really, why Iím on here you know? I know what I was going to get but I have no one else to turn to.

    I keep going round in circles with this really.
    OK.

    Step one is you block and delete the internet ho. Be honest with yourself for a moment - you have no idea who she really is or if one single word she has ever said was truth. One thing for certain is that what you are feeling is driven by fantasy.

    Step two is turning your focus back on your family. Your kids and being engaged in their lives. Your wife and working hard on rekindling the love and romance there. It does take work.

    Step three is turning the focus on yourself - what makes you feel good? What gives you a sense of accomplishment? If the answer is "I don't know", then you start with that. Find things to do in real life, hobbies, interests, career, work, projects done around the house that give you that sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Think small rather than big. Every small thing you do, complete, accomplish gives you a deep sense of satisfaction and those small things add up. The side effect is that it builds confidence as well.....that knowledge that you are capable. All of that leads to a sense of well being, satisfaction, which leads to feeling happy and content with your life.

    It's not an easy road, but rather a deliberate and purposeful one. You literally walk it one step at a time.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    14,398
    Originally Posted by Annoyingknot
    Weíve become separate people. I care about her and donít want to hurt her, but itís hard to be with her
    You were always "separate people".

    What has she done that makes you think she deserves to be lied to and cheated on? What have your kids done to deserve being deceived and possibly discarded for a new, shiny woman?

  4. #14
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    17,166
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Annoyingknot
    Weíve become separate people. I care about her and donít want to hurt her, but itís hard to be with her
    Fair enough, but why not take the high road and let her go before finding a replacement? Since you don't want to "hurt" her, how does cheating help your situation?

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,120
    Gender
    Male
    How long have you been married? Are you both working? How many kids? Are they under 18? Are you concerned with the financial impact of divorce? Perhaps you should consult a doctor regarding your own anxiety/depression and inertia.

    This online chitchat with other women does not replace real therapy and of course as you've seen creates more hardship. Right now you may think you are sticking it to your wife by cheating but the joke may be on you when she discovers this and divorces you.
    Originally Posted by Annoyingknot
    Need some help really. I am married with children, but am not happy. I met someone online last year and forged a relationship.

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Posts
    54
    Hard to have any sympathy or advice for you! You've betrayed your wife and children, your fantasy lover/girlfriend has taken the step to leave her husband and face the music and persue a new life with a single man. Now your all sour grapes and jealous and expecting an understanding and sympathetic response.
    You brought it on yourself and you reap what you sow.

  8. #17
    Cliched I know, but no way i was looking for this. It just started and snowballed. It isnít online chitchat with random person, weíve seen each other at our best, worst and all the inbetween!! I know itís easy to assume a particular thing, but I trust this woman with my life. Even if not together we want the best for the other one!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    14,398
    Why aren't you addressing the questions regarding your wife and children? Other than to say you two are "separate people" and you "don't want to hurt" them.

    Either divorce your wife or start working on improving your marriage. Or, see if your wife and kids would be OK with you having a woman on the side.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,140
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Annoyingknot
    Cliched I know, but no way i was looking for this. It just started and snowballed. It isnít online chitchat with random person, weíve seen each other at our best, worst and all the inbetween!! I know itís easy to assume a particular thing, but I trust this woman with my life. Even if not together we want the best for the other one!
    Who are you trying to kid? Serious question.

    It's unpleasant to face the reality of your cheating bs, but that's all it is...bs.... Lies, cheating, fantasy, more lies and more lies. Genuine people don't cheat. It's that simple. Nothing, literally nothing, about your imaginary "relationship" is true. Not one thing. Cheaters lie about everything. This includes you too, OP. "I'm unhappy" is such a classic line. Except that nobody is responsible for your happiness except yourself. This isn't on your wife, or kids, or side chic internet ho, it's all YOU. Your personal problem...as is lying to yourself and others. Please spare us the bs and if you are looking for a way out....start by being honest....if you are capable that is....

  11. #20
    Yup, as Iíve said, donít expect sympathy!!

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •