Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 40

Thread: Guy is being insulting and I'm finding him difficult. Advice?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    35

    Guy is being insulting and I'm finding him difficult. Advice?

    I'm in my 20's and he's 8 years older. I've seen this guy about a handful of times, I think we're somewhat dating/seeing each other. Throughout COVID, I often go to his in the afternoon/evening - usually a pretty chill day, he cooks or I do and we go for walks. He has a pretty small apartment, so he cooks in the kitchen not facing me while I'm sitting on the couch (occasionally bored out of my brains because he's hardly talking to me) and doesn't put the tv on for me or anything, and then we just sit on the couch and quietly eat together. He has a particular type of humour he says that rubs me the wrong way. A while back I was talking about something and I said to him I won't bore him to death, he said "Bore me to death anytime, hopefully with some of your body but words will do as well" I found it a bit sexist and weird. Okay, so, he's also a bit more religious and traditional than I am. That's fine but I think its starting to rear its ugly head.

    TMI - I remember the first time we had sex, we were in a doggy position and I just asked him if we could start with him on top as it feels more comfortable for some reason. He looked all sad and immature and said "can we just start from the back sweetie?" which I found very odd, I've slept around enough and have never encountered this. Most men are happy to have sex regardless. I started to ask him a few questions sexually and he told me I was being vulgar and way too sexually forward and almost made me feel guilty about it. Strange, as to how can you know what someone does and doesn't like if you don't express it?

    Saw him the other night, he told me I have a vocal fry voice at some point. He just often jokes around that I don't behave or something weird. Told me I was being bossy when I just caringly enquired about the tea that he just made and to make sure it doesn't go cold. When he said that, I had no clue as to how I was being bossy and asked "Oh when?" he didn't answer and I had to ask a few more times. We had sex that night and he wouldn't allow me to touch his genitals as he cums a bit fast, absolutely fine with me. He just got me to stand up for a good 10 minutes, playing and kissing with my behind and I was like, can I lay down with you? He jokingly said I was being lazy and how hard it was for me to just stand up. Sorry for the TMI - he got me on my knees, holding my head and every time I did that, my head would subconsciously go back especially as I was below him and looking up and he said to not move, I couldn't not move my head. He always gets me to suck on the things below but not the actual genitals as it makes him ejaculate quickly. I was doing that and then for the first time he was literally rubbing his genitals up and down to my eye area and I was like "Wow what're you doing? that's my eye" He went in from behind and I was just moving a bit as anyone does in the horizontal mambo and he was like "don't move" "Sweetie, when I tell you to not move, don't" again, in a jokingly manner. Then told me after the sex, I'm only sometimes good and clearly stubborn. I was thinking, this is sex, I'm not a robot. It's supposed to be two people 'making love'. Again, very strange to me.

    He went to use my phone as we were laying together regarding some video and he saw one of my searches which was porn and I quickly said "Oops, bit of porn" and he was like "Do you really watch porn?" He was also pretty insolent when we were watching a YouTube video together, laughing about something and commented on how cute some lady was that went through a tummy tuck was - to me, there is no time for saying comments like that. Strangely, out of everything, he's very complimentary about my looks (face and body).

    I find him quite condescending to me as well. For example, comparing his drip coffee to the machine I have at home, he will be like "well how does it exactly grind the beans?" I find emotionally connecting with him also quite difficult, I feel he doesn't want to reveal information at times. I've dated guys before where it just feels so natural, intimate and you can speak on the phone for hours for example. These guys have been my age, a bit older, or even older than this guy. However, this current guy I've seen a handful of times barely asks intimate details or wants to reveal anything.

    Examples:

    I asked about his past relationships, he just said they ended and didn't go into further detail. I briefly talked about my ex-partners and he didn't ask why it ended. He asks very vague questions about my University degree. He was showing me photos him and his friends of 5-10 years ago and then showed me a few girls and was like "She was cute, she's fat now" or "She was lots of fun" and never thought about asking to see photos of me when I was younger or whatever. I do not intend to sound cocky but I've lived a somewhat interesting life, I've lived in 4 continents, I can snowboard and surf on a longboard. I ain't that boring. He also once snubbed off my approach of bringing up a philosophical question and once texted me saying something quite smart ass about it. I, on the other hand, is very engaged and I ask a billion questions and show interest/care.

    When I left his house in the morning after we went for a walk, I was telling him to have a good day and genuinely asking about what he had to get up to, it seemed he brushed over the question to me but wasn't that interested. He texted me that night saying he was some type of food and I sent him a photo of mine, we talked for a bit (again, no questions about the rest of my day) and he said he was sleepy so I've left it. That was last night, nothing so far. He normally follows up if I don't reply so maybe he's thinking I'm second-guessing things.

    How do I go about this? Ghost? Explain my thoughts? Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by dustycloud; 05-12-2020 at 09:58 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,110
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Is this a BDSM arrangement? He seems to enjoy degrading you.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    35
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Is this a BDSM arrangement? He seems to enjoy degrading you.
    A legitimate question I assume ha? No. Unfortunately not.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,110
    Gender
    Male
    There is no point being with someone like this whether it's hooking up, fwb, dating or whatever if you can't stand his attitude and he degrades you. Why continue if it's this unsatisfactory?
    .
    Originally Posted by dustycloud
    No. Unfortunately not.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Age
    30
    Posts
    15,418
    Gender
    Female
    Just reading about this a__ irritated me. He clearly enjoys putting you down. He is not able to connect with you emotionally, he doesn't really care about you on a personal level...you sound like his plaything.

    You can do far better than this tool.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,414
    Gender
    Male
    I mean, no offence but where the heck do you find all these guys?

    Anyway, you don't have fun with him in bed, you don't seem to get along together, he doesn't seem to know how to behave properly, he makes strange nasty comments... just break up with him?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,829
    Gender
    Female
    Ummm......dump him? I was cringing reading this and yeah, how do you even find such a clown, let alone put up with that kind of bs for this long? Really need to learn how to drop these kinds faster. If he contacts you again, just respond with some version of it's not working for me/we are done. If he pitches a fit, block and delete immediately. Don't get drawn into any kind of argument or discussion about it. Over means over.

    Just wanted to clarify - do not explain anything, do not get into any discussions. He already thinks he can manipulate you and that you'll put up with his bs. So he'll likely try to regain control by talking you into seeing him some more. Do not fall for that - that's not caring, that's disdain and more disrespect toward you. It's an "I don't care what you want, I'm going to manipulate you into whatever I want because I matter and you don't."

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,950
    Gender
    Female
    Him and these guys are not the issue...you are. You don't set boundaries for yourself when dealing with people that don't seem to fulfill your expectations. You can't expect people to change for you, you have to make change with your judgments/choices. Like I always say, date those only who treat you the way you want to be treated. This guy sounds like he has some kind of personality disorder. This is what is called a "deal breaker". You stop and drop them, move on, that's it, simple as that. Stop making your life complicated by not dating troublesome guys. You need to see yourself as more worthy than what these guys are willing to put out. Stop putting up with it, get some self worth, and work you your self esteem. Tell yourself next time as you dump the guy "I deserve better than this!" Courage and confidence will change your life.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    35
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Ummm......dump him? I was cringing reading this and yeah, how do you even find such a clown, let alone put up with that kind of bs for this long? Really need to learn how to drop these kinds faster. If he contacts you again, just respond with some version of it's not working for me/we are done. If he pitches a fit, block and delete immediately. Don't get drawn into any kind of argument or discussion about it. Over means over.

    Just wanted to clarify - do not explain anything, do not get into any discussions. He already thinks he can manipulate you and that you'll put up with his bs. So he'll likely try to regain control by talking you into seeing him some more. Do not fall for that - that's not caring, that's disdain and more disrespect toward you. It's an "I don't care what you want, I'm going to manipulate you into whatever I want because I matter and you don't."
    Thank you, you have hit the nail on the head. I agree. If he had messed up maybe once, an explanation and a sit down might be valuable but this guy is repeatedly bringing me down. I like your no bs attitude.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    22,823
    Why are you dating this creep?! He does not like or respect you.

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Videos


Why People Lie On Online Dating Services?

Relationships During Quarantine

Cheating Husbands Are at Risk of a Heart Attack

Romance At Work: Yes Or No?

How To Overcome A Divorce

Love Hormone Oxytocin Improves Stressful Relationships
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •