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Thread: How do I let go?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Just remind yourself of this. You really nailed it here. Do you want to be a game?

    Originally Posted by Kjl3n14
    It's like he is testing boundaries to see how far he can go

  2. #12
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    No, I absolutely do not want to be game. I guess I'm just be hard on myself because I really trusted him with my grief and now I feel like a fool. I try to see the good in everyone and remind myself that we are a human beings who make mistakes. I guess I just have to suck it up and do my best to keep moving forward and try not to think too hard about what his intentions were the whole time. Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    We've all been there. It sucks. You live and you learn and you'll know better next time. You will be ok.

  4. #14
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    You block and delete him. You tell him not to approach you at work, unless work-related. You are not helpless. This is not good for you!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. He sounds like a drinking buddy and his gf was wise to kick him out. You both need to look into AA : [Register to see the link]

    Often it starts with broken relationships, lost jobs, lost homes, etc, then rock bottom. He has two of those already. Do you two want to be in an alley slobbering and slurring and sucking out of paper bags? Well that is the cartoon image of it. But your post paints a very accurate picture of problematic drinking.
    Originally Posted by Kjl3n14
    she kicked him out of their place and he moved into a friend's house. During the first few months I was drowning my grief in booze and so was he.

  7. #16
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    I don't drink often. It was just my outlet and my coping mechanism when my dad first died. Something to help ease the pain. As you can imagine, I learned quickly that it only numbs the pain but never takes it away. I had to learn to grieve in healthier ways. Thanks for your advice!

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Thank you! I have tried letting him go multiple times. When I do he blows my phone up and if I don't answer, he approaches me at work when I try to put space between us. I get what you are saying and in most ways you are absolutely right, but it is not just me who can't let this friendship go. I may eventually forgive and come back to be his friend but everything I give him an opportunity for a clean break without me, he doesn't take it. He blows my phone up and wants to talk in person. Either way I hope I figure this out because we still work for the same company.

    Stop being a spineless noodle. Sometimes you have to be let a person know you mean business and you will no longer allow their presence in your life. If he talks to you at work about something other than work, pull him aside and tell him what your new relationship is--co-workers only, and he needs to respect that. Sometimes you have to get mean when a person won't take no for an answer, and tell him you will report him to the supervisor. Delete and block his number, and then he can't blow up your phone. Being friends at a later point? You've kissed him and flirted. At least have respect for his partner, who would not condone this continuing friendship. Sometimes you have to sacrifice what you want for the good of others. It's the ethical thing to do. Only narcissists do whatever the hell they want without a care in the world how it negatively affects others. If you want a faithful, ethical partner who is single, you have to be that person as well.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't lose your job over this fool. People notice. Word has probably already gotten out that he has a new address and you two are a bit way too "friendly". He already lost his home, gf, and he drinks and cheats.

    He's going down the drain fast and wants to take you with him. Don't be flattered. he's just on the rebound. Distance yourself. Stop entertaining his approaches at work.
    Originally Posted by Kjl3n14
    he blows my phone up and if I don't answer, he approaches me at work when I try to put space between us. Either way I hope I figure this out because we still work for the same company.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kjl3n14
    Thank you! I have tried letting him go multiple times. When I do he blows my phone up and if I don't answer, he approaches me at work when I try to put space between us. I get what you are saying and in most ways you are absolutely right, but it is not just me who can't let this friendship go. I may eventually forgive and come back to be his friend but everything I give him an opportunity for a clean break without me, he doesn't take it. He blows my phone up and wants to talk in person. Either way I hope I figure this out because we still work for the same company.
    But you don't need his compliance to stop this friendship. You just shut down your end. End of story. A friendship needs two willing participants.

    Feel bad for his girlfriend and be thankful he's not your boyfriend.

    You really want to shut it down? Tell his girlfriend to her boyfriend to stop bothering you.

  11. #20
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    He is back with his gf and in the process of moving back in, he just still wants to be best friends. I understand what everyone is saying. I'm just hurt and going through the motions. Trying to learn from my mistakes and let go of someone who I thought truly cared about me and our friendship.

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