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My best friend (28M) and I(27F) have communication gaps


laura2709

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Hi. I am 27 (F) and I recently realized my male best friend has strong feelings for me (let's call him B). Although I never saw him before in that light, I felt myself developing feelings for him on our last vacation with some common friends. He is too nervous, afraid and awkward to come and talk to me openly about his feelings, and so he confided in one of our common female friends who he thinks I am close with (let's call her P). The issue though, is that she's a really toxic person. I realized she is bad for my mental health and have distanced myself considerably from her since the past 1.5 years, while still maintaining a cordial and obligatory relationship because of our common friend circle. B is clueless about this and thinks we are still tight. Even though P has hinted that he is interested in me during our conversations once or twice, she has not come clean about what he has confided in her. I ended up telling her that I would definitely want to try and make things work with B, but I don't think she has conveyed that to him properly. Because after I had this conversation with her, B has been additionally wary of his interactions with me. Almost as if he's afraid his feelings for me might show. I don't feel comfortable sharing my feelings and confiding in P anymore, since she is clearly just making the situation worse. I'd rather talk directly to B about my feelings and give us a try. But he is so guarded with me nowadays that our one-on-one conversations feel very cold and awkward. Instead, he chooses to interact with me on a group chat that consists of him, P and me. He even gets annoyed/hurt if I don't respond on the group chat for a couple of days, and asks P to check in on me. I honestly don't want to hear from P on a daily basis and I want to cut her out of my life. But I don't want to lose B in the deal. What do I do?

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For all you know P could be making up stories and playing you both. Don't rely on a third party, let alone someone you think is "toxic" to relay important messages. If you can't even talk directly to B now, how will a relationship with him ever work?

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Ok that's easy enough. Stop using her as the matchmaker and go between. Why are you giving her all this power if she is 'toxic"? Talk directly to people. Your 'toxic" friend has no special key to anyone's thoughts or feelings. You need to do this yourself and not hide behind matchmakers.

I'd rather talk directly to B about my feelings and give us a try. I honestly don't want to hear from P on a daily basis and I want to cut her out of my life.
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