Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 46

Thread: Advice for cleaning when people are perpetually at home

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,942
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by j.man
    I mean is dude walking behind you knocking things off shelves right after you put the cups back on them? I've got PTSD and am a pretty hardcore introvert, so there's a lot that sucks about constant stair noises, overall just feeling a constant presence around, sporadic yelling at the cats out of nowhere, etc. I likewise do the cleaning around the house (I'm the cook as well). If I want a solid period of time just to catch up around the house or to cook without intrusion, I offer a good snack or small meal for her to relax with and play / watch her favorite video game or show. Playing to her interests that get her out of the way has been a pretty good strategy, and fortunately one that benefits us both without resentment.
    I get ya having PTSD as well. My husband is a very noisy person and get messy it is difficult for 24/7. Maybe I can offer him an entire day watching sports in exchange for me getting to clean up the mess without him being in the way.

  2. #12
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,942
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes, that's a good idea! I don't agree with taking the approach that it's not important because people are sick and/or unemployed. I get it. I get that it makes you anxious - my husband's clutter sometimes makes me anxious and I cannot clean it up -he won't let me. And no I'm not going to make myself think at that moment "it could be worse, we're healthy, right?" Perspective has its place and I'm tired of being told my feelings aren't valid -meaning, tired of reading on Facebook that if I have a job and am healthy how dare I even think about how desperate I am to have my child back in school so I can get some breathing room like I'm used to -and yes I feel safe if i want to vent about that on the thread you started -no I would never post about that on Facebook in response to someone feeling down because she or a family member is ill or unemployed. It's all a balance and I get why you are feeling anxious.
    I hear you our feelings are our feelings. While I am coping much better at present with my anxiety at this time itís not very hard to drive me over the edge.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,557
    Gender
    Female
    Can you get him to pick up at some of what he leaves laying around? I do think you need to lower your standards somewhat.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,379
    How about cutting a deal? You make the mess, therefore, you clean it up.

    Also, split all chores in half so it's fair to both of you. My husband will dust and vac, I'll mop and do any details he misses. We both clean kitchen and bathrooms. He washes both cars, always fills cars with gas, mows the front and back yard lawns, does yard work, cleans the garage and maintains our outdoor property while I focus on the inside of the house. He does the majority of grocery shopping and errands, while I menu plan, we both cook, I declutter, organize and get the house in order.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,942
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    How about cutting a deal? You make the mess, therefore, you clean it up.

    Also, split all chores in half so it's fair to both of you. My husband will dust and vac, I'll mop and do any details he misses. We both clean kitchen and bathrooms. He washes both cars, always fills cars with gas, mows the front and back yard lawns, does yard work, cleans the garage and maintains our outdoor property while I focus on the inside of the house. He does the majority of grocery shopping and errands, while I menu plan, we both cook, I declutter, organize and get the house in order.
    My husband is not good with mess clean up. I am ok with our division of labour. It is having him the hell out of my space to do it . The shift to having him here 24/7 for days on end with no opportunity to leave other than a walk or a small drive feels like an ď invasionĒ of space .

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,942
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Can you get him to pick up at some of what he leaves laying around? I do think you need to lower your standards somewhat.
    That is kind of a 27 year battle. Usually he just picks it up and moves it somewhere else and says he will put it away and it never happens. But now Iíve had almost 55 days of staring at things for hours and days on end. And I donít have work and other things to distract me so I donít care.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,379
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    My husband is not good with mess clean up. I am ok with our division of labour. It is having him the hell out of my space to do it . The shift to having him here 24/7 for days on end with no opportunity to leave other than a walk or a small drive feels like an ď invasionĒ of space .
    Well, this COVID-19 pandemic lock down quarantine won't last forever so hang in there, ~Seraphim~. One of these days you'll clean up and you'll be happier.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,494
    Gender
    Male
    Netflix and chill with some episodes of "The Odd Couple". The real issues is that everyone is feeling the effects of being stuck together more now. People can't go out, are bored and are getting on each other's nerves.

    Drinking, drug use, suicides and mental health problems are skyrocketing. The best thing to do is learn techniques for tolerating each other when everyone is home in the same space more and feeling frustrated. Picking a battle over cleaning is not a good use of your time or energy.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,779
    So I actually prefer to be the main cleaner now because just like with shopping the fewer people who are being exposed to the virus the better -so I pick up his clothes he removes when he comes back from a walk or to get take out - and throw them in the laundry - not because I am his slave or he is not capable but because then he can go straight to wash his hands and doesn't have to wash twice or traipse over to the washing machine. I am not teaching my son how to food prep/cook right now because i want the kitchen under my control (my husband gets his own meals -meaning sometimes on his own sometimes heating up stuff I've prepared) - I want it at a certain level of hygiene/sanitary -actually I do all the time but especially now -and I don't want my son putting a used/unclean knife let's say in the peanut butter jar because I am not shopping often enough to risk a jar of peanut butter. And instructing him in the particular covid-cleaning and food prep categories would make him more anxious and isn't typical of normal food prep.

    Anyway I hope your husband will give you more space. I need more space too. We live in a small apartment and he hums/whistles tunelessly constantly -I'd asked him not to do that when I am eating (I eat three times/day plus a snack at night - and we have meals at the same time basically so I'm not asking much. But apparently I am. So because he's helping a ton more with our son I let it go. But it gets to me. First world problem -sure I guess but yes, cumulatively it gets to me.

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,942
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Netflix and chill with some episodes of "The Odd Couple". The real issues is that everyone is feeling the effects of being stuck together more now. People can't go out, are bored and are getting on each other's nerves.

    Drinking, drug use, suicides and mental health problems are skyrocketing. The best thing to do is learn techniques for tolerating each other when everyone is home in the same space more and feeling frustrated. Picking a battle over cleaning is not a good use of your time or energy.
    Well, no battles yet I just have a twitch in my eye for the past two weeks because I have been silent about it. No Odd Couple on Canadian Netflix 😉

Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Videos


Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity

Most Women Rather Not Date Unemployed Men
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •