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Thinking of past orgasm during a current session with your SO?


skittles4all

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A few days ago I was going down on my GF and afterwards she kept saying sorry and acting weird... only to confess that she was thinking of someone else.. well that’s what it initially came out but she says she didn’t know how to explain it on the spot what it really was.

 

She told me a thought of a past orgasm she had popped in her head, and that she was thinking of it to intensify her experience. She says that besides the initial thought of the context, the person, she wasn’t thinking of him or what he was doing but her orgasm that time.

 

She said that at the time she had gone weeks without sex and when she finally got that fix she felt loose and free and whatever else girls feel in their orgasm. Weeks of it pent up released at once.

 

She says that she wasn’t thinking of the other guy and that honestly it probably wasn’t anything special that caused her to feel like that in her orgasm besides the fact that she hadn’t had sex for weeks. She told me cause she felt guilty because she wants to get a point of love that she’ll never have to think of a different experience to intensify her current one but it happened. Said She was still thinking of me, looking at me, and I was just adding to that feeling.

 

I kind of understand.. I try to picture it and could see how she could think of the afterwards physical feeling of something without thinking of the other person, but then sometimes I don’t quite see it or get bothered that it ultimately it was someone else that in a way gave her that experience.

 

Of course I don’t quite understand the female orgasm. I don’t think I could do the same for given that a male orgasm is shorter and more of a burst than feeling... so i’m asking you guys... does that make sense? Is that a red flag?

 

For the most part I’ve made peace with it because she’s very honest person, sometimes too much, and as tasteful as it was I can totally see her being the type of person to feel guilty just over the fact that it was from a different context but I figured I’d ask here for a change of perspectives from people who are more likely to understand.

 

In summary GF thought of a pst orgasm, the afterwards feeling of loose and freenesss, to feel it when I was going down on her. Claims not thinking of the other person just that feeling of satisfaction of ending a dry spell orgasm.

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Ye olde stereotype is that men watch porn and women read about it, aka erotic romance novels. Point being that for women, that big O can be quite cerebral so to speak.

 

Basically, thinking or imagining whatever just makes her human and normal. Nothing to worry about. That said, she needs to grow an adult filter on that. Some things do really need to stay in her head. Like a child eventually learns not to blurt out "omg you are sooo fat.", your gf needs to learn not to discuss what's running through her imagination to enhance the O and to accept that it's normal. Nothing to be weird or guilty about.

 

You might want to gently tell her that it's fine and normal, but you'd rather not hear about it, especially in that kind of detail. Probably best done when you are not in the middle of things, but rather when you can just sit and talk calmly about it.

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But you do think it’s possible to separate the feeling of an orgasm and afterwards satisfaction from the person who gave it to you?

 

You can recreate that feeling in your body with someone else while not thinking of that someone else?

 

Sounds like she was recreating the feeling, not the person as such or even that particular event. Recreating is the wrong term, I think something you were doing triggered that awesome feeling. As odd as this may seem, it's kind of a compliment to you in that whatever you were doing was so great, it reminded her of a particularly good O. Kudos to you really. I know it's weird and probably doesn't make sense to you. One of those just say "thank you" and move on even if you don't quite get the compliment and leaves you scratching your head a bit.

 

Still, I think you need to tell your gf to grow a filter on that. There are some things that really shouldn't be talked about. There is such a thing as TMI and she crossed waaaaaaay over that line.

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Hmmm questionable! I think its considerate and wise not to mention past sexual highs or lows with your current partner. If there's a certain way you like something done or enjoy doing something particular then by all means do discuss it. Naturally when a partner does decide to divulge details of previous experiences/partners it can potencially add to ones fears and concerns as to whether or not they are doing it right.

After a lovely session of making love to a woman once, I went downstairs afterwards to make us a cup of tea...I took it up to her and led back down and she said "Yea was thinking my ex was hung like a horse"

"Oh many thanks, I really wanted to know that" says me.

You get the picture though, something's are best kept to yourself.

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She says that she wasn’t thinking of the other guy and... she hadn’t had sex for weeks.

 

She ended things with one guy and ended up in bed with you, within the space of a few weeks and in the middle of a pandemic? Wow. She's thinking of the sex she had with him and tells you so - are you sure you're not the rebound?

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How long have you been dating? Is she young/inexperienced? Fantasizing during sex/to get to orgasm is not strange at all. How well do you you know her? Is she usually lacking discretion or given to TMI?

 

What is strange is the poor decision to tell you this. That is the only 'red flag'.

A few days ago I was going down on my GF and afterwards she kept saying sorry and acting weird... only to confess that she was thinking of someone else.

She said that at the time she had gone weeks without sex. Weeks of it pent up released at once. Is that a red flag?

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How long have you been dating? Is she young/inexperienced? Fantasizing during sex/to get to orgasm is not strange at all. How well do you you know her? Is she usually lacking discretion or given to TMI?

 

What is strange is the poor decision to tell you this. That is the only 'red flag'.

 

We’ve been dating for 3 months. She’s 19 so it’s not like she shouldn’t know there’s such things as TMI but I guess she always open mouth and will say what she’s thinking. I usually take my time to process what I want to say and in the best way to say it and she’ll say whatever is on her head instantly. So it makes it easier to believe.

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I'd just toss the question altogether. People can still think their ex is hot and appreciate a past sexual experience with that person while loving their partner and not longing for said ex. My wife and I have very good sexual chemistry. But if I'm completely honest (and it's nothing I'd ever have any reason to mention over dinner), as much as I greatly appreciate our sex life, there have been a couple ONS's and "Miss Right-for-Nows" who let's just say earned their permanent place in ye ol' spank bank. It's definitely not a regular occurrence, but there have been a few times in the 6 or so years we've been together where I might be tired or whatever and had to dip into it to mix in some novelty and push through the moment. But at the end of the day, there's a reason I'm with who I'm with and I'm not with them.

 

And FWIW, I can only assume the same for my wife. Be it something she'd seen in porn or her own past really hot experience, I don't have illusions that there's never been a day she perhaps was having a harder time finishing and helped herself to some added imagery. I'd of course greatly appreciate her not making a note of it, but it is what it is. Don't know how old you are, but I'd be very surprised if you never get through a long-term relationship never having done so yourself. If it's something you find yourself notably often enough having to do, that's when it's time to reevaluate.

 

In any case, honesty isn't an excuse for diarrhea of the mouth. Just vomiting the fact she was thinking about an orgasm with someone else is next-level cringe, and really kind of a red flag if these episodes of "too much honesty" are a trend. I'd have a hard time respecting someone I had to do so with, but sounds like you might have to sit her down and let her know you appreciate she's got a sexual history but you're really only concerned with her current.

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We’ve been dating for 3 months. She’s 19 so it’s not like she shouldn’t know there’s such things as TMI but I guess she always open mouth and will say what she’s thinking. I usually take my time to process what I want to say and in the best way to say it and she’ll say whatever is on her head instantly. So it makes it easier to believe.

 

She is only 19? That explains the zero filter...lol...sorry I'm laughing a bit, but this is all so typical, especially for her age. I kind of thought she must be very early 20's soo...yeah. Normal. That said, do please tell her to learn to filter better. We can't grow in a vacuum and she needs to know that was TMI.

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What goes on in ones head is nobody's business. Everyone at one time or another will use some memory or fantasy to reach their peak. Don't ask, and she won't tell. Maybe things are getting a little boring in the bedroom....get some toys to get things hot again.

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Yes, communicate and be blunt. Tell her something like: Fantasizing about whoever or whatever is nothing to feel guilty about. Thing is, I'd like you to keep any of that info to yourself because it's not something I'm comfortable listening to.

 

IMO, when you're thinking of dating someone longterm, it's important to learn in general what their dating history is, but if they start going into details about their sexual encounters or start retelling about all their fights or good times, it's okay and smart to shut them down and let them know it's a subject that's not interesting to you. Also, never feel obligated to answer questions about your private past if it won't serve the relationship. Such as, when I've been asked if I've ever done a particular act with another guy. My response was: I don't speak about things from my past about that. If you're something you'd like to try, let me know. Because who wants to picture their partner doing stuff with another that's been put into your brain in detail?

 

If someone keeps up the negative behavior after you've already had a discussion, that's when I'd bail.

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