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Thread: Wandering eye

  1. #1
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    Wandering eye

    My boyfriend and I met at workplace and came in relationship after 8 months. Its been 2.5 years now since we are dating. We both are currently doing our post graduation and are in a live-in relationship. Provided with the closeness I have noticed so many things that make me question his intentions. Wherever we go, be it university, public transport or grocery shopping, the moment he finds an attractive girl he starts sending her non verbal cues through his body language such as pointing his feet towards the girl, searching for a particular beautiful grocery worker as soon as we enter the store, looking at her desk every time we pass by, try to make a long eye contact and that too several times, copying their body language etc. Everytime the girls are seen again, he tries to repeat the same ritual. He looks at the attractive girls by stealing side glances and if the girl notices it, the glances increase. I know about the body language thing because he did the same thing to make me like him. I confronted him couple of times but he says that he wants to be with me only and I am hallucinating. He used to follow instagram models and send DM's about how beautiful they are and its just a compliment, neither flirt nor flattery. He stopped using Instagram. When I confronted him last night about the glancing and non verbal communication he does, he asked me to stop manipulating him. I understand that guys like to admire beautiful women but why does he deny when I confront him. What should I do?
    Last edited by Jessie29; 05-07-2020 at 03:11 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What do you hope his intentions are? How is your relationship overall? Is he generally disrespectful? Do you think he is flirting or looking? What do you mean he used this to "make you like him"?
    Originally Posted by Jessie29
    Its been 2.5 years now since we are dating. and are in a live-in relationship. I confronted him couple of times but he says that he wants to be with me only and I am hallucinating.I know about the body language thing because he did the same thing to make me like him

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I'm kind of wondering how him pointing his feet toward you made you like him.

    I don't even notice if a man is pointing his feet toward me, let alone deciding I like a man because he did that.

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Jealous is poisoning your brain.

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    I sometimes think that he is just passing his time with me and since he is away from his country and does not have any support from anyone, he wants me to stay with him until his studies are completed. There are a lot of things like cooking meals, taking care of him when he is tired, helping him in studies. He is caring and looks after me. He doesn't abuse me upfront and never hit me. He has told about our relationship to his friends but never made me talk to them or meet face to face. He didn't try to talk to the girls in front of me but definitely gives them attention with eye contacts and his body language. With 'make me like him' I mean by sending body language cues such as mirroring the gestures, making long eye contacts with subtle smiles, pointing his feet towards me while standing.

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    That is body language and non verbal communication that often goes unnoticed. once I mentioned it while we were talking and he started it from then.

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    I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt.

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    Originally Posted by Jessie29
    I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt.
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What do you hope his intentions are? How is your relationship overall? Is he generally disrespectful? Do you think he is flirting or looking? What do you mean he used this to "make you like him"?
    I sometimes think that he is just passing his time with me and since he is away from his country and does not have any support from anyone, he wants me to stay with him until his studies are completed. There are a lot of things like cooking meals, taking care of him when he is tired, helping him in studies. He is caring and looks after me. He doesn't abuse me upfront and never hit me. He has told about our relationship to his friends but never made me talk to them or meet face to face. He didn't try to talk to the girls in front of me but definitely gives them attention with eye contacts and his body language. With 'make me like him' I mean by sending body language cues such as mirroring the gestures, making long eye contacts with subtle smiles, pointing his feet towards me while standing.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Hard to know what to say here, I admit.

    Is your ultimate hope that he is more mindful of his behavior—and how it affects your feelings—or is that he becomes more "into" you than you believe, in your core, he is? There's a difference, and being able to spot the difference goes a long way toward making the "confronting" productive, both in your own spirit and with him.

    In no way do I want to minimize your frustrations here, but, just speaking for myself, I think I'd find it hard to communicate with my girlfriend if she were analyzing the direction my feet were pointing as signs of nefarious intent. In other words, trying to get someone to "admit" what they're "really" doing with their feet is setting yourself up for a conversation that is highly unlikely to be a good one.

    If you think he's a shady dude with a thirsty side who is just passing time with you—well, what he does with his feet and eyes and which grocery store clerk he checks out with is not really going to alter that perception, or the personal frustration, which I think you might be feeling, of choosing to remain committed to someone you believe is a douche who is only quasi-into you.

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    Originally Posted by Jessie29
    I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt.
    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Jealous is poisoning your brain.
    I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt

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