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My boyfriend and I met at workplace and came in relationship after 8 months. Its been 2.5 years now since we are dating. We both are currently doing our post graduation and are in a live-in relationship. Provided with the closeness I have noticed so many things that make me question his intentions. Wherever we go, be it university, public transport or grocery shopping, the moment he finds an attractive girl he starts sending her non verbal cues through his body language such as pointing his feet towards the girl, searching for a particular beautiful grocery worker as soon as we enter the store, looking at her desk every time we pass by, try to make a long eye contact and that too several times, copying their body language etc. Everytime the girls are seen again, he tries to repeat the same ritual. He looks at the attractive girls by stealing side glances and if the girl notices it, the glances increase. I know about the body language thing because he did the same thing to make me like him. I confronted him couple of times but he says that he wants to be with me only and I am hallucinating. He used to follow instagram models and send DM's about how beautiful they are and its just a compliment, neither flirt nor flattery. He stopped using Instagram. When I confronted him last night about the glancing and non verbal communication he does, he asked me to stop manipulating him. I understand that guys like to admire beautiful women but why does he deny when I confront him. What should I do?

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What do you hope his intentions are? How is your relationship overall? Is he generally disrespectful? Do you think he is flirting or looking? What do you mean he used this to "make you like him"?

Its been 2.5 years now since we are dating. and are in a live-in relationship. I confronted him couple of times but he says that he wants to be with me only and I am hallucinating.I know about the body language thing because he did the same thing to make me like him
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I sometimes think that he is just passing his time with me and since he is away from his country and does not have any support from anyone, he wants me to stay with him until his studies are completed. There are a lot of things like cooking meals, taking care of him when he is tired, helping him in studies. He is caring and looks after me. He doesn't abuse me upfront and never hit me. He has told about our relationship to his friends but never made me talk to them or meet face to face. He didn't try to talk to the girls in front of me but definitely gives them attention with eye contacts and his body language. With 'make me like him' I mean by sending body language cues such as mirroring the gestures, making long eye contacts with subtle smiles, pointing his feet towards me while standing.

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I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt.

 

What do you hope his intentions are? How is your relationship overall? Is he generally disrespectful? Do you think he is flirting or looking? What do you mean he used this to "make you like him"?

 

I sometimes think that he is just passing his time with me and since he is away from his country and does not have any support from anyone, he wants me to stay with him until his studies are completed. There are a lot of things like cooking meals, taking care of him when he is tired, helping him in studies. He is caring and looks after me. He doesn't abuse me upfront and never hit me. He has told about our relationship to his friends but never made me talk to them or meet face to face. He didn't try to talk to the girls in front of me but definitely gives them attention with eye contacts and his body language. With 'make me like him' I mean by sending body language cues such as mirroring the gestures, making long eye contacts with subtle smiles, pointing his feet towards me while standing.

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Hard to know what to say here, I admit.

 

Is your ultimate hope that he is more mindful of his behavior—and how it affects your feelings—or is that he becomes more "into" you than you believe, in your core, he is? There's a difference, and being able to spot the difference goes a long way toward making the "confronting" productive, both in your own spirit and with him.

 

In no way do I want to minimize your frustrations here, but, just speaking for myself, I think I'd find it hard to communicate with my girlfriend if she were analyzing the direction my feet were pointing as signs of nefarious intent. In other words, trying to get someone to "admit" what they're "really" doing with their feet is setting yourself up for a conversation that is highly unlikely to be a good one.

 

If you think he's a shady dude with a thirsty side who is just passing time with you—well, what he does with his feet and eyes and which grocery store clerk he checks out with is not really going to alter that perception, or the personal frustration, which I think you might be feeling, of choosing to remain committed to someone you believe is a douche who is only quasi-into you.

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I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt.

 

Jealous is poisoning your brain.

 

I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt

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I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt.

 

Jealous is poisoning your brain.

 

That is body language and non verbal communication that often goes unnoticed. once I mentioned it while we were talking and he started it from then. There were also several other things that peaked our interest in each other but sending non verbal cues were the beginning of it.

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I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt.

 

I'm kind of wondering how him pointing his feet toward you made you like him.

 

I don't even notice if a man is pointing his feet toward me, let alone deciding I like a man because he did that.

 

That is body language and non verbal communication that often goes unnoticed. once I mentioned it while we were talking and he started it from then. There were also several other things that peaked our interest in each other but sending non verbal cues were the beginning of it.

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I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt

 

wow you are spending an usual amount of time analyzing things....ok then video tape him doing it if you want to make your point or have another person observe without any influence from you. If they don't see anything out of the ordinary it might be tough to prove your case.

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What if everything you're calling "non verbal cues" is just a person being a person? Sure, we will find some people more compelling and seductive than others, but that's kind of just pheromonal juju, not a call and response to "cues" specifically tailored to lure you and others in.

 

Similarly, we will find being with some people more secure feeling than others—and, ideally, we choose to be in committed relationships with those who trigger far more security than insecurity. I can't help but get the impression here that those early "cues," seductive as you may have found them, did not also come with a feeling a security, hence you're now feeling that he is exerting his black magic on others.

 

Maybe he's just being himself? It's okay to not be okay with that.

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I'm sorry, but I can't imagine falling into some man's arms because he pointed his feet toward me.

 

Are you saying that since you told him about "non-verbal cues" he is deliberating pointing his feet toward women you think he finds attractive in the hopes they will pursue him?

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Ok, it seems the bigger problem is that you are just playing house until he goes back to his country? Are you hoping he stays, or you get married? It sounds like you are wasting your time playing housewife, unless it is mutually beneficial. For example roommates with benefits who share costs, chores etc.

 

If the relationship is not going anywhere why not move out and date local men who see a future with you not just "passing time"? Reading the tea leaves about whether he is flirting or not is only a symptom of greater dissatisfaction with the level of commitment.

I sometimes think that he is just passing his time with me and since he is away from his country and does not have any support from anyone, he wants me to stay with him until his studies are completed. There are a lot of things like cooking meals, taking care of him when he is tired, helping him in studies.
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I have noticed other couples as well and guys in relationships seldom behave this way. You notice a stranger 2-3 times but 8 to 10 and that too with attempts to make an eye contact creates doubt.

 

What if everything you're calling "non verbal cues" is just a person being a person? Sure, we will find some people more compelling and seductive than others, but that's kind of just pheromonal juju, not a call and response to "cues" specifically tailored to lure you and others in.

 

Similarly, we will find being with some people more secure feeling than others—and, ideally, we choose to be in committed relationships with those who trigger far more security than insecurity. I can't help but get the impression here that those early "cues," seductive as you may have found them, did not also come with a feeling a security, hence you're now feeling that he is exerting his black magic on others.

 

Maybe he's just being himself? It's okay to not be okay with that.

 

Lol. Black magic. I am just trying to figure out that this behaviour is normal him and not to be bothered about or should I link it with his fresh search for someone better? since he is not adept at flirting with words and can use alternatives to gauge whether someone else is also interested in him or not.

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Living together can get boring and routine and in your case feel like it's just playing house...for the time being. It sounds like the spark has left your relationship and therefore you believe he is on the hunt for greener pastures? Why not either end things if he is not staying in your country, or try to rebuild the romance?

should I link it with his fresh search for someone better?
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Only you can decide if it’s too bothersome or not. Not us. Not him. No judge, no jury. There’s not really a right or wrong answer, but just a factual one.

 

And the facts here? Well, to my eyes they add up to you being quite certain he is searching for someone “better” than he is being happy with you. How long have you felt that way? A few weeks? A few months? The whole time, going back to his Instagram habits?

 

Guess I’m just trying here to get you thinking about yourself, and your own agency, so there isn’t this hyper-obsession with him. Maybe he’s shady and restless. Maybe he’s just kind of outdoing. Flipping that coin, I don’t think, is going to be what brings you comfort.

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You can't change him. He is who he is. He has a roving eye. Face it, he is not a moral man, he's dishonorable, doesn't treat you with dignity and respect. He lacks integrity.

 

He gives women surreptitious glances and engages in gaslighting you. Google "gaslighting." Gaslighting is psychological warfare. Gaslighters manipulate conversations, deflect blame and try to change your perception of the facts while often labeling YOU the crazy, mentally ill one. It's quite the head trip and mind games they play on you. They're a sneaky, nasty, ugly lot. NEVER fall into their tricky trap.

 

What should you do? You need to DUMP HIM. He's a loser. :upset:

 

In the future, be with a gentleman who guards his eyes. You'll appreciate and respect his honorable qualities because it's a reflection of his mind, brain and heart. Also, remember that love and respect is whenever you're not with him and you can trust him unequivocally.

 

Don't confront him because he won't change for you. Either accept and tolerate him as he is or exit the relationship and be with a man who knows how to treat you and others with respect, honor and integrity.

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Imo, if after 2.5 years together your gut instinct is not to trust him and you feel that he is just passing his time with you until he goes back to his country, then you are with the wrong man. People don't change. Are you willing to keep feeling like the way you describe for as long as you are together? If not, then imo it's time to break up.

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he definitely has a roving eye, no respect in there for you, cause always there is this level of uncertainty about his behavior when you are not with him.

I think soon you may need to break things up cause he will be like this in general.

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If you don't normally have a suspicious mind, and this hasn't been a problem with other guys you've dated, then why be with someone who regularly upsets you? I would find a guy constantly on the prowl with his eyeballs to be creepy, disrespectful to me and the other women, and a person with the mindset of getting off on seeing who around him is hot is objectifying women (done to this extreme extent). If that's who you think is the prized person worthy of spending a lifetime with, you have very low self-worth.

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