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Thread: Was I wrong to tell his wife?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Katie19
    Bruh your advice makes no sense. Where tf did I get Involved in their marriage I could care less. I was trying to save a life and I was looking for actual ALTERNATIVES not some cooked up bs
    I don't understand why you're asking "was I wrong to tell his wife?" if you don't think that marriage plays a part in this story.

    Personally, I think you're way too involved in these people's lives and have crossed boundaries.

    It was foolish of you to get involved in the first place, but at 22 years of age, you may not yet be aware of that.

    Everybody is not up in each other's sht in their 30s, the way they are in their early to mid 20s.

    Adults are very protective of the privacy of their relationships and have little patience for outsiders who try to interfere.

    If you become involved like this again with a married man, so matter how much he encourages you to involve yourself, you will run into similar problems. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Regardless of whether or not they are separated, I can imagine the wife wouldn't take kindly to her husband moving another woman into his home.

    If he wants to live with another woman he should divorce his wife first.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You are involved to a certain degree because he's telling you personally he wants to kill himself....their marriage issues, etc are none of your business. You should have simply told her he's threatening suicide, and that's it, nothing more.

    I'll give you a tip...when people complain about their marriage, a lot of it is b*&^s&^%$, especially from a drunk. They embellish the truth to receive sympathy. IMO you got duped by this guy. It's plain to see he is the problem in that marriage, his drinking is the problem in that marriage....and the wife is right, you have no clue what is truly going on between them and have no right to advise anything. I don't blame her for being pissed off with you.

    BTW congratz on your sobriety. I think what would benefit you is to cut yourself off from this guy. He's way too toxic, and your relationship with him on his end is co-dependent. He needs to go to AA and get a proper sponsor...a man.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Wrong or right according to whom? We each know our own motivations, so figure out how clear you are about yours, and that clarity will bring you the right answer.

    Messengers are never rewarded. Just the opposite. We each get to decide whether any given higher goal is worth the harm our actions will cause to a relationship, but it makes no sense to expect to be rewarded for that--or even forgiven.

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  6. #15
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    Yup. Ever heard the term, "don't shoot the messenger"? I wouldn't take what she said to you personally. She wasn't expecting your call, and I'm sure her anger out at you is her not having any control.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Not having any control is right. He probably promised her that he would get help...but all he did was get chummy with a 22 year old woman at a bar. And this woman had the nerve to advise her on her marriage issues....yikes! She must have felt violated.

    One thing I have learned, is to always put yourself in their shoes before you take the next step. You were way too focused on the crap he's been feeding you. People lie no matter how sincere they may seem to be. It's all a learning experience.

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