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Thread: No contact after 5 months breakup -- help

  1. #1

    No contact after 5 months breakup -- help

    Hello all,

    I'm going to try to give a brief summary of my breakup, because it was really complicated, sudden, and messy. Well, my ex and I had been together for nearly two years (he lives in the US and studies here, but is an international student). I was born and raised in the US. In the US, he studied about an hour away from where I lived and during the holidays/vacations, he would always go back home to his country where his family lives. Although he is one year older, I started university this year as well and that is when the troubles really started to come out.

    In October, he made us take a 'break' with no timeframe because he was upset at me for having made a few guy friends that he thought were trying to get with me at school. The break ended up lasting two weeks until I reached out and made amends with him. I also realize that in every fight we would have, I was the one stepping forward to apologize. He tends to make himself the victim. From the end of October until his holidays in December, we were stable and probably the happiest we had been in a long while.

    He left in December and would be leaving for nearly two months. For whatever reason, this sent me into an absolute panic and I was so anxious he would make us take another break in fear of me being at university while he was still out of the country. Four days into his vacation, and I now realize how irritating and mean I was being to him during those first few days of his trip. It was like I didn't want to talk to him in fears of being abandoned yet again. Now that I have had the time to reflect on what went wrong, I know that I let fear and anxiety rush a breakup that probably could have been avoided.

    Anyway, two hours before it all happened he told me that he "hated not having my presence in his life" and "loved me so much". Then, due to another silly fight where I let my anxiety get the best of me, he ended our relationship over a text in which he called me the love of his life. The following day, I called him over the phone and he instead said it would be another 'break' with a "90% chance of reconciliation". Basically, I precipitated what I was worried about. The thing is, I didn't want to wait around for two months while he could be doing God knows what back in his home country. I didn't think it was fair of him to leave me hanging with those odds, so I decided it was time to move on and decided to cut ties with him on all social media about two weeks later. I unfollowed him on every platform and also removed him from being able to follow me. I never heard from him again and I never reached out.

    About two months later, on Valentine's Day, he blocked me on Instagram although I had already removed him from my followers two months earlier. He didn't block me on any other platform (that I know of) and it has now been five months since the breakup. He continues to follow all of my closest friends and my roommate on all social media. I still love him and think about him everyday. Is it worth it to try to make amends now? It' s just been so difficult to move on without closure or knowing why it ended so abruptly. I also am nervous that my reaching out will be badly received and I will get even more hurt. Is it likely he would reply?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you should find a guy who lives near you and doesnt go to another country for months on end. Also his need to "take a break" should be getting old for you, he's doing that way too often.

    Forget about him and find a more stable local person. It's been 5 months, you need to let this go.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by lolak1998
    Is it worth it to try to make amends now? It' s just been so difficult to move on without closure or knowing why it ended so abruptly. I also am nervous that my reaching out will be badly received and I will get even more hurt. Is it likely he would reply?
    No, it isn't.

    He wasn't invested the way you were. Rather than working on issues or breaking up cleanly, he took "breaks" - too many of them. That's a sign of someone who just doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore but doesn't mind having you around as a back-up option.

    Time to move on from him for good.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Is he from another culture? Does he have a gf in his home country? He seems ridiculously jealous and controlling. It sounds like you're the local squeeze and his "breaks" are to see his hometown gf, then switches when he returns.

    "Amends" for what? Having friends? Be glad it's over. He sounds like a tool. Completely delete and block him And All his people from All your social media and messaging apps. Date someone who is not just here temporarily looking for flings while he studies. Date local guys.
    Originally Posted by lolak1998
    during the holidays/vacations, he would always go back home to his country where his family lives.

    he was upset at me for having made a few guy friends that he thought were trying to get with me at school.

    I didn't want to wait around for two months while he could be doing God knows what back in his home country. I never heard from him again and I never reached out.

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