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Thread: I messaged my ex back, did this disempower me?

  1. #1
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    I messaged my ex back, did this disempower me?

    I broke up with my ex a week ago and moved out from his place. We were constantly arguing and I said our relationship was toxic, and clearly not going to change. There were good moments too in between these arguments. Even weeks of no arguing, but I was over the walking on eggshells things.

    As hard as it was to do, I gave him my reasonings and ended the relationship and moved out.

    He messaged me after a week of no contact, to ok say thanks for returning his tools (I dropped them off at his place when he wasnít home) saying he misses me so much and hope I was doing ok

    I replied back saying no problem, of course I miss you too. Hope youíre doing well too.

    He read my msg and never replied.

    Please reassure me that my msg wasnít disempowering in any way. I wanted to reply because I donít believe in being petty, and I believe we should all be kind when we can.

    In no way did my msg imply that I regret my decision and that I want him back, right? Cos that isnít the case.

  2. #2
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    How would that disempower you?

    You already made the decision to end it. That was a pretty empowering move. Why are you so worried about what he thinks of you at this point? I mean that as a genuine question, too.

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    How would that disempower you?

    You already made the decision to end it. That was a pretty empowering move. Why are you so worried about what he thinks of you at this point? I mean that as a genuine question, too.
    I guess the fact that I replied to him, and admitted that I missed him too. From your interpretation of my response to him, by reciprocating what he said about hope he’s doing well too - that doesn’t in anyway portray that I want him back, and re opening the door right?

    I’m worried that he thinks I still want him cos I replied to him, but I don’t!

    Was it in bad taste to say I hope he’s doing well too, when clearly he isn’t cos I broke up with him and I know he’ll be really down about it.

    Was my reply appropriate and simply just a kind civil response, that’s all. I feel I would have been more anxious had I didn’t respond at all, as I never wanted to be nasty about this breakup.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    How long were you together ? you were decent civil about the reply, you chose to respect and respond to his message the way you did it. it was not in bad taste at all.
    Now the important question, what do you want to do next? if you keep in touch with him that will create false hopes and unnecessarily further awkward situations and possibly lead to more resentments and disappointments. Leave it at that and go about your life, at some stage you will need to block him off so you and him both can heal at their own pace. Being in touch, being civil, respectful etc are all good but give some time and space to heal from this. At the moment you both are fresh out of it and emotions and feelings are all rushing in and out. Head will never be at the right place. Stay away from social media common friends etc it will be tough but will get better slowly. Give yourself lot of time and patience.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If there is no unfinished business, go no contact. Not to win any sort of ongoing power struggle, but to find peace. Your altruism is misplaced and should not be confused with trying to keep the door open or be friends.
    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    We were constantly arguing and I said our relationship was toxic, and clearly not going to change.
    He read my msg and never replied.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    Please reassure me that my msg wasnít disempowering in any way. I wanted to reply because I donít believe in being petty, and I believe we should all be kind when we can.
    No, I think it was totally appropriate and compassionate. The ability to show compassion is a sign of strength, not weakness.

    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    by reciprocating what he said about hope he's doing well too - that doesn't in anyway portray that I want him back, and re opening the door right?

    I'm worried that he thinks I still want him cos I replied to him, but I dont!
    I don't think it does. But this is his problem, not yours.

    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    Was my reply appropriate and simply just a kind civil response, that's all.
    Only you know for sure what your motives were! But I don't have any trouble believing that you were simply trying to be civil. Why do you LOL??

    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    I feel I would have been more anxious had I didn't respond at all, as I never wanted to be nasty about this breakup.
    Understandable.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    So you were polite to him, nothing wrong with that. If all is said and done and over with, go no contact, block and delete him.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I could be off base, but I'm under the impression that you're leaving a door open, yet at the same time attempting to think/say otherwise. With that said, maybe it's time to come to terms with what the future would hold if you chose to stay.

    At any rate your reply to him was polite, but a bit overdone, (imo).

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    I could be off base, but I'm under the impression that you're leaving a door open, yet at the same time attempting to think/say otherwise.
    I'm wondering that, too.

    Are you still hopeful that he can change, OP?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How would you feel if he contacted you today saying he's sorry, he wants to "change" and he wants you back?

    As far as "disempower", to whom do you fear you lost power? To him?

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