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Thread: I am stunned😔

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Ask her if you were supposed to pee in the street.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Has there been any instance that might you cause your girlfriend to react the way she does?
    Because co parenting or not, you are deserving of trust unless you have done something otherwise to damage that.
    Add in the fact that you need to put your daughter first and if that means having a civil relationship with her mother to benefit that, then your girlfriend needs to understand that.
    There is a lot of truth behind the notion that only parents of children truly understand. Life is definitely easier if you date someone who understands and respects this. I'm sorry, you current girlfriend does not.

    Just curious, if you and mom are amicable and your girlfriend has a good relationship with your daughter, have mom and girlfriend ever met? Is this doable and do you think it might be helpful for everyone considered?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sounds like a good moment—if a hard one—to really think about if you're dating someone who is a good match for someone in your situation. I get the impression that it's been long road to get to this awesome place you're in—healthy co-parenting relationship, joint custody—and if someone can't understand that you're just setting yourself up for another very long road.

    As for this...

    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    There is a lot of truth behind the notion that only parents of children truly understand. Life is definitely easier if you date someone who understands and respects this.
    ...well, just going to throw my hat in the ring that someone who was once a child of divorce can maybe come into your situation with a more understanding lens as well.

  4. #14
    Silver Member ynguns251's Avatar
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    I agree. She apologized but I think a lot of this stems from her frustration at her work. She lost her father in Feb but she should see how hard I have fought to be a part of my daughters life and accept this no matter what the circumstance may be.

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  6. #15
    Silver Member ynguns251's Avatar
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    None at all. She thinks my daughters mother is a tyrant (we all know this) but she should see how hard it is for me to drive an hour each way to only take my child to eat. I am kind of in a jam as I don’t want to go and spend another $20k for visitation but we do have a court order and technically my ex is in contempt however there are no courts open.

  7. #16
    Silver Member ynguns251's Avatar
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    Thank you. I appreciate all of you and your advice does make me think very carefully.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ynguns251
    She lost her father in Feb but she should see how hard I have fought to be a part of my daughters life and accept this no matter what the circumstance may be.
    Originally Posted by ynguns251
    She thinks my daughters mother is a tyrant (we all know this) but she should see how hard it is for me to drive an hour each way to only take my child to eat.
    I would try to replace "should" with "sadly can't." People see whatever it is they see. For you, given your situation, it is critical that you're with someone who "can" see what she "can't," or at least deeply struggles with seeing. If she can't see you as you need to be seen—well, that is a very real problem, both for romantic harmony and allowing yourself to live in harmony as a father and co-parent.

  9. #18
    Silver Member ynguns251's Avatar
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    Well I finally came to the conclusion that I am not going to waste more time with my gf. We had our one year anniversary yesterday and her birthday was on Sun (day prior). We had plans to go out to eat on both days but she tells me Sun her sister is throwing a birthday party for her as she turned 46. She tells me this at 5pm and stated the party started at 2pm but she was never told. I said "ok" I will drive to your sisters which is like 35 miles away and I had no idea she wanted to stay there till midnight as I left at 9:30 pm because I had to take dog out.

    Yesterday I woke up and was a little upset that she changed plans and I notice that all of her family members seem to be codependantnon the others. She got mad and said "what was I to do? " and I said we vould have left at 10 as she has to work the following day anyway and she was supposed to stay the night and her and I celebrate after she is done working at 3:30 but she got mad saying that she couldn’t leave because others were there till like 1am. She complains she is tired, her back hurts and she cannot go to gym due to lockddown. I cannot control this and she also hates her career and I think goes through depression but no mstter what I say or do she wont listen.

    Last month she tokd me "Find a woman with kids" as I think it upsets her that I have a daughter and she loves to drink, go on vacation and so do all hr family members who are complaining they are always broke. I think it is time to end this and move on. She is emotionally unavailable and I think after her divorce she just dated men but wanted nothing serious.

    Thank you all!!!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ynguns251
    Well I finally came to the conclusion that I am not going to waste more time with my gf. We had our one year anniversary yesterday and her birthday was on Sun (day prior). We had plans to go out to eat on both days but she tells me Sun her sister is throwing a birthday party for her as she turned 46. She tells me this at 5pm and stated the party started at 2pm but she was never told. I said "ok" I will drive to your sisters which is like 35 miles away and I had no idea she wanted to stay there till midnight as I left at 9:30 pm because I had to take dog out.

    Yesterday I woke up and was a little upset that she changed plans and I notice that all of her family members seem to be codependantnon the others. She got mad and said "what was I to do? " and I said we vould have left at 10 as she has to work the following day anyway and she was supposed to stay the night and her and I celebrate after she is done working at 3:30 but she got mad saying that she couldn’t leave because others were there till like 1am. She complains she is tired, her back hurts and she cannot go to gym due to lockddown. I cannot control this and she also hates her career and I think goes through depression but no mstter what I say or do she wont listen.

    Last month she tokd me "Find a woman with kids" as I think it upsets her that I have a daughter and she loves to drink, go on vacation and so do all hr family members who are complaining they are always broke. I think it is time to end this and move on. She is emotionally unavailable and I think after her divorce she just dated men but wanted nothing serious.

    Thank you all!!!
    Hi ynguns.

    This is a hard decision but for what its worth, you are doing the right thing.

    We can love people and still be incompatible. It hurts and it takes time but be strong.

  11. #20
    Silver Member ynguns251's Avatar
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    Thanks. I cannot deal with her family members who all live at home and pushing 50. I think there comes a breaking point in a relationship and what each persons values in life really are. I cannot go on vacation 3 times a year as I have my daughter and also it is outrageously expensive. I don’t drink much either.

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