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Thread: Im having an affair im 25, heís 43 and i have a boyfriend

  1. #1

    Im having an affair im 25, heís 43 and i have a boyfriend

    Iíve been having an affair with a man (lets call him John) for around a year now, we have confessed our love for each other and i truly do think the world of him and i love every moment i spend with him. Our emotions for each other are raw and real.

    Our age gap is significant he is 43 and im 25, i worry my friends and family would judge me as our relationship wouldnít be conventional, id be ashamed to be open about being with a 43 year old.

    On the other hand, I do love my boyfriend, i care deeply for him, he treats me like a princess and has never done me any harm and has given me and shown me the world. I feel terrible guilt for doing what im doing and thinking about wanting to leave him, i also do not want to lose the life i have and hurt him in anyway, i have everything ive ever wanted and needed in life and its all thanks to him i have so much to thank him for. I once really loved and enjoyed our time together and it was as passionate as my relationship with John, but our relationship lost its passion and chemistry. My boyfriend and I hardly ever have sex anymore and we are in the middle of buying a house together in London, he adores me and its on my part that the relationship isnt so passionate, i feel i canít get horny for him or want to be around him too much and this happened long before i met John.

    John and I have great sex, we understand each other very well emotionally and also care deeply for each other. John in no way is pressuring me to finish with my boyfriend, but i feel i need to stop behaving like this and make a choice. Both men have equal strengths and fit my needs and wants in a relationship in different areas but individually they do not fit my needs and wants wholly.

    My boyfriend is the more sensible and practical option and John is the more fleeting love story type of option, but he is also sensible too and could make me very happy. I would be anxious about being open about our relationship due to the age gap.

    How can i not want to be with someone who gives me the world and adores me, is something wrong with me? Do i deserve either of them? Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by Rstephanie; 05-04-2020 at 06:37 PM. Reason: Tags

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rstephanie
    Iíve been having an affair with a man (lets call him John) for around a year now, we have confessed our love for each other

    On the other hand, I do love my boyfriend, i care deeply for him, he treats me like a princess and has never done me any harm and has given me and shown me the world.
    I can't get my head around these two sentences. You're having an affair with a man for one year and then in the same breath you say you "love your boyfriend"? If you really loved him you wouldn't be messing around behind his back for the past year, disrespecting him. It is really selfish to stay with your boyfriend when you're messing around with another. Sounds like you want your cake and eat it too. You can't have it both ways. Do your boyfriend a huge favour, tell him the truth and end it. He deserves to know and make a life with someone who respects him.

    Do i deserve either of them?
    What do YOU think? Time for a little self-reflection, maybe?

  3. #3
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    "How can i not want to be with someone who gives me the world and adores me, "

    Because that's only part of a healthy romantic relationship - you have to desire to give to the person too, in romantic ways too. Just because someone wants us doesn't mean we want them. And that's ok. What is not ok is you using him, leading him on, betraying him, lying to him. And John knows you don't value commitment because you are having sex with him behind your boyfriend's back. How is he going to be able to trust you won't do the same to him?

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Donít let your boyfriend buy a house with you to get messed over later. Would you appreciate it if it was the other way around ?

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Also tell your bf what is happening and let him decide if he finds you worthy.

  7. #6
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    Sorry, but if you truly loved your boyfriend, you wouldn't be having an affair in the first place. You are disrespecting your boyfriend, big time. He doesn't deserved this horrid treatment from you. You are using him, plain and simple, and that is so selfish of you. If he doesn't fulfill you sexually, or otherwise, then do the right thing and end it with him. Don't lead him on. It's just not right. Surely, you must know how unjust and wrong this is. And, the poor guy probably has no idea about John.

    "Iíve been having an affair with a man (lets call him John) for around a year now, we have confessed our love for each other and i truly do think the world of him and i love every moment i spend with him."
    "I do love my boyfriend, i care deeply for him, he treats me like a princess..."
    -- Really???

    You seem to have no moral compass. How would you feel if someone treated you the way your treating your boyfriend?? You don't deserve your boyfriend. At least, do the right thing and let your boyfriend find someone who will truly love him and will respect his loving and caring ways. He deserves that much. Not someone like you, for sure.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    You and John are both extremely selfish people to be doing what you are doing to your bf.

    Break up with him, let him heal & then find someone who treats him with the dignity & respect he deserves.

    You & John deserve each other, worrying if each of you is cheating on the other. Once a cheat, always a cheat!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I find it hilarious you believe you've got a choice between the two. You think John's going to trust a lady who had an affair with him? Full stop, your choice is to continue betraying your boyfriend with this affair or to quit it. There's no alternate reality awaiting you with John.

    Drop the affair. Dump your boyfriend. No confessions. Shoulder the guilt. Then take a good long break and reflect on how you'd allow yourself to betray the trust of someone you claimed to love before dating again. Or hey, keep banging John if you want and see where the fairy tale leads. Just do your boyfriend the favor of removing him from the picture.

  10. #9
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    This scenario has the potential of blowing up in your face, along with leaving you empty handed. It doesn't matter how you slice it, but when all is said and done you'll likely be standing alone.

    Hopefully you'll make the right choices.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You think John's going to trust a lady who had an affair with him?
    My thoughts exactly. John is having a good time right now with no responsibilities. End things with your boyfriend and see how serious John will be then.
    Cause it sounds like he won't want you. He wants sex and that's it.

    You also can't possibly "love" someone if you are willing to betray and cheat like this. That is not love, that is treating someone terribly. Not only is it selfish but it can potentially cause a lot of damage to your boyfriend and you risk giving your bf an STD, cause god knows where else John is putting his manhood.

    Try to consider another perspective as well, how would you feel if the tables were turned and your boyfriend was the one doing this?
    He was the one having a good time with someone that old and lying to you and hiding it? How good would you feel if you found out you were with a man like that?

    I second it that this is going to blow up in your face. Karma is real and one day you could be the one who is being cheated on.

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