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Thread: Im having an affair im 25, heís 43 and i have a boyfriend

  1. #21
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Originally Posted by Rstephanie
    Iíve been having an affair with a man (lets call him John) for around a year now, we have confessed our love for each other and i truly do think the world of him and i love every moment i spend with him. Our emotions for each other are raw and real.

    Our age gap is significant he is 43 and im 25, i worry my friends and family would judge me as our relationship wouldnít be conventional, id be ashamed to be open about being with a 43 year old.

    On the other hand, I do love my boyfriend, i care deeply for him, he treats me like a princess and has never done me any harm and has given me and shown me the world. I feel terrible guilt for doing what im doing and thinking about wanting to leave him, i also do not want to lose the life i have and hurt him in anyway, i have everything ive ever wanted and needed in life and its all thanks to him i have so much to thank him for. I once really loved and enjoyed our time together and it was as passionate as my relationship with John, but our relationship lost its passion and chemistry. My boyfriend and I hardly ever have sex anymore and we are in the middle of buying a house together in London, he adores me and its on my part that the relationship isnt so passionate, i feel i canít get horny for him or want to be around him too much and this happened long before i met John.

    John and I have great sex, we understand each other very well emotionally and also care deeply for each other. John in no way is pressuring me to finish with my boyfriend, but i feel i need to stop behaving like this and make a choice. Both men have equal strengths and fit my needs and wants in a relationship in different areas but individually they do not fit my needs and wants wholly.

    My boyfriend is the more sensible and practical option and John is the more fleeting love story type of option, but he is also sensible too and could make me very happy. I would be anxious about being open about our relationship due to the age gap.

    How can i not want to be with someone who gives me the world and adores me, is something wrong with me? Do i deserve either of them?
    I was an the older guy dating a younger girl who had a boyfriend at the time. She was really hot so I couldn't resist. She made it seem like they were on their way out. I never once asked her, or pressured her to give me an answer on leaving her boyfriend, she would always bring it up. And every time she would get close to leaving him, she'd get cold with me, and then go back to "I do love him and he treats me really well, and we have so much history", which I would accept and leave it. She would eventually hit me up within a week or two and we'd start going again. This went on for about 3 years. And then what changed? He bought a house. For the both of them.
    Which she wanted. After that she couldn't risk screwing that up.

    The reason I'm telling you this is, don't be a jerk. You're being selfish and trying to have your cake and eat it too. You don't love your boyfriend. You're cheating on him. It's crappy to do to him, and it's crappy to do to the new guy too. Because you know you'll never commit to him. Because even though you may not be horny for your boyfriend, you're getting something out of staying with him. That's why you can't leave him. But what you should really do is give him the choice. Because right now even though he should suspect that you're cheating on him, (not sleeping with him) you haven't come out and been honest.

    Honestly, you should cut your ties with both and be single for a while. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    She was really hot so I couldn't resist.
    You can resist. Try to be a better man and not a home wrecker. Also try to reason that if she is someone who will cheat, she's not a very moral woman.

    I seriously wonder how people justify what they do sometimes. I'm sorry, I try hard not to judge, but you are sleeping with another mans woman and you are okay with it because "you can't resist"? Wow.

    Consider if you were the boyfriend. Having a bit of fun that could potentially destroy someone else, just is not worth it.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Of course John is not putting pressure on you to leave your bf. He doesnít want you to!
    He is getting off with a girl nearly half his age and living a bachelor life.
    John is happy!!! Very happy! Lol

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    It is, frankly, disgusting that you are using your BF for a home purchase, financially generally, when you are banging some one else in addition to him.

    You need to let your BF know what he faces with you.

    Get out of that home purchase with the BF, end your "relationship" with him. But along the way get tested for STDs and share the results with him.

    Do NOT abuse him any more than you already have. Do NOT get pregnant either.

    Move on from both men. But you owe your BF decency.


  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Yeah, it's pretty low to use a man because he's buying a home, fool him that you "love" meanwhile banging grandpa on the side.

  7. #26
    Member From_Now_On's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    I don't want to be unkind here, but I can't make a reply without saying that letting a man buy you a house, while you cheat on him with someone else, is incredibly cruel. He deserves to know what is going on, so HE can decide what HE wants to do about all of this. It is okay to lose feelings with someone. It's okay to be uncertain. But your partner deserves to know what you are thinking/feeling when things are this serious. If he wants to give you space to figure it out, that should be his choice. But you are lying and taking advantage of him. I don't say that to be antagonistic towards you, it's just the truth. You need to talk to him and let him have input on these things. And absolutely do not let him buy you a house right now.

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