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Thread: Im having an affair im 25, heís 43 and i have a boyfriend

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I feel bad for your bf, he has no clue his gf is a liar and a cheat. Cut him loose and let him find a good and decent girl to be with.

    As for John, if he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Options/Choices? I didn't catch where John was offering anything. Matter of fact, he's cool with the fact she's got a boyfriend.
    Kinda telling, right?
    She didn't mention it, but is John even single himself?

  3. #13
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    You need to end it with your boyfriend.

    Something is obviously very wrong if you've been carrying on an affair, OP. You don't have the right feelings or basic respect for your boyfriend to make this work long-term. It's not as though you're suddenly going to fall for him, especially not now that you've checked out of the relationship with another man.

    Just don't expect John to develop into much. These things often die out when the cheating party makes themselves singe and available for their affair partner.

  4. #14
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    Given that you're having sex with two guys I hope for your boyfriend's sake that you are using condoms. John is getting sex without the confines of a committed relationship. He doesn't love you in the way you think he does because you've implied he's happy being "the other man". Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is prepared to invest his life and savings into his relationship with you, completely unaware that you are carrying on with a much older guy behind his back. I have a friend who was too cowardly to end his relationship because he "didn't want to hurt her" while he was having an affair with someone else. Well, lies always come out in the end, both women found out and now he's been dumped by both. Needless to say that they've been hurt immensely by his deceit. This is what is going to happen with you sooner or later. Set you boyfriend free to find a woman who won't cheat on him and you can find out for yourself just how much you mean to John...

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    if there is no physical intimacy with your bf, i think he needs to know and you both can work on it.if still its not what you feel it should be , break up.
    Meanwhile cut contact with other guy do let him know its not appropriate , you both made a mistake.
    I think you are already finding it quite hard to manage it, so why not just get out of the situation. Don't cheat.
    Breakup and sort yourself out, understand you need to love yourself first and the right person will come along.
    there will be many people hitting on you in this life, you need to start working on making boundaries, if you dont respect yourself how will others respect you.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. What is the disconnect with the bf? Is this lover married?
    Originally Posted by Rstephanie
    Iíve been having an affair with a man for around a year now

    My boyfriend and I hardly ever have sex anymore and we are in the middle of buying a house together.

    John and I have great sex, we understand each other very well emotionally and also care deeply for each other.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Options/Choices? I didn't catch where John was offering anything. Matter of fact, he's cool with the fact she's got a boyfriend.
    Kinda telling, right?
    She didn't mention it, but is John even single himself?
    that's what i was thinking.

    Many cheaters are in denial about how committed their fellow cheater is. Which is funny because how committed can a cheater be? By nature commitment is a word, not an action to cheaters.

    A person that values commitment would not cheat nor would they want a cheater.

    The only real choices the OP has is to stop cheating or to tell the bf. but the other interesting aspect to note is, that is where their choices or control ends.

    if she stops cheating with John, the bf can still find out and end things.

    If OP tells the bf, he still might end things.

    If Op ends the things with BF, John may end the cheating because he just wanted NSA sex. Whether he is married or single, he might like this arrangement because he doesnt want a relationship. All the connection and emotion, the OP claims is only really on her end. And John just knows what to say to keep OP coming back.

    Its not unheard of for an older person to seem charismatic, worldly and more than they actually are to a younger person. for the sheer fact the younger person just doesn't have the life experience or the fully developed frontal lobe, to know better.

    Poor bf, either way, OP is causing a huge issue for him to deal with... its quite despicable, cheating for a year! Selfish, lying, deceitful... you obviously dont deserve your bf... a princess? I'm thinking more evil queen. And she writes about it like oh idk what shoes to wear. skanky.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Choices?....LOL....no seriously, the idea that you think you have choices OP is completely hilarious.

    I don't doubt for a second that John is all fun and excitement and giggles. Part of cheater's high - the sneaking around and living in fantasy land. Of course John doesn't care that you have a bf because he couldn't care less about you. You are good for sex and giggles and I'm sure he has fun duping you whispering sweet nothings in your ear that you are actually foolish enough to believe....buuut....if you ever start acting or wanting to be a real gf to John, he'll be gone so fast your head will spin. That man is out for one thing - himself and his pleasure. You are just a tool and an easily duped one at that.

    As for your bf, cheaters do eventually get caught. You can leave gracefully, no confessions, no bs - you really do owe him that. If you don't, you'll find out the hard way that when men treat you like a princes and you shag another guy behind their back.....things will turn very dark and ugly for you very fast. Only a matter of time before he catches you and kicks your cheating lying behind out of his life and hates your guts for life.

    No matter how you spin it, this is going to blow up in your face unless you walk away from both men while the going is still good. Of course, I doubt you'll do that because you don't think you'll ever get caught or that consequences apply to you......sooo.....you'll learn your lessons the hard way.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    i also do not want to lose the life i have and hurt him in anyway, i have everything ive ever wanted and needed in life and its all thanks to him i have so much to thank him for.
    Wait... are you hesitating to break up with your BF because he's bought you things? Because of material things? And/ or because you live with him so you want to keep that life, while screwing around on him? That's what your words here seem to say, and if that's true, then... WOW. Complete and utter self-centeredness.

    Of course, even without this bit of info, one can easily say that. You're 25 and, not to offend others in your age bracket, but your immaturity is showing big time.

  11. #20
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    Ok, no self respecting man is going to be fine being the side piece. The fact heís not even pressuring you to leave your current relationship, but seems totally fine with it, speaks for him just wanting a bang, some superficial romance and no strings attached. Do you really think you guys will live a fairytale, once you dump your boyfriend? Think again please. I understand relationships go stale and even if your current boyfriend checks all boxes on paper, youíre clearly missing a deeper connection. Thatís fine! Whatís not fine is having your cake and eating it too. The stability with one, the passionate sex with the other. Do your boyfriend a favor and break up with him. And for the love of god, donít buy a house with him...

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