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Thread: Confused and naive

  1. #1

    Confused and naive

    I suppose I already know the answer, but would appreciate some gentle opinions.

    I met a guy through a charity we work with, we chatted for a while, long story short, had lots in common etc.

    We agreed on a date...met, had a wonderful evening...But we slept together...I think it was to soon, now thinking about it..and Iíve never done that...it just felt right, and was an amazing night.

    We carried on talking and agreed to see each other again, we have lots in common, and heís always saying things like, you really get me, Iím flattered to be around you, proud when we are out, love what we have etc.

    I like the guy. And am starting to feel really connected to him.

    I think heís in it just for sex...

    I asked him before meeting him again, that I canít do just sex with someone..and that I feel I canít open up with someone Iím just sleeping with, so I donít do it...I told him I like him, but heís emotionally unavailable...he said he understood and agreed, and sorry for the confusion etc.
    I deleted his number, and straight away he asked why I did that! I told him that I donít want the temptation of calling him.
    He was pissed off with me for that.

    When we do agree to meet, the week or so leading up to it, itís lots of messages until the meet, then, nothing, and then a couple. Sometimes itís been two weeks, no contact!

    So thatís why I stopped.

    A few weeks ago, he messaged...saying itís a shame we canít meet...we started talking...

    I asked why he got in contact, he said, he tried to draw a line under us, but it didnít feel right.

    So we agreed to meet for dinner. ( before lockdown)
    Before that we was chatting and he was saying how he couldnít wait to hold me..kiss me lovingly, heís missed me etc
    Lots of lovely stuff...

    Invite me to stay at his place ( although that was 3 in the morning and him drunk)
    So I took that lighthearted

    I suppose I got a little scared and said is this just a sex thing again, as I canít do this..
    He replied ok, how about we stay friends and nothing more, I enjoy your company,
    So I agreed.
    Next day
    He was pissed off, he messaged ď how can I go from wanting to rip his clothes off to friendsĒ

    I said, I like you, and I donít want this to be friends with benefits, I know what Iím worth and I can give so much more..but Iím wasting my time if you just want sex.

    He replied fine.

    And hasnít spoke to me in two weeks..he removed me from Instagram the day after that message.

    Iím just confused, he comes as he likes me..but just puts sex in the way..

    And I donít want to be someoneís fwb, Iím 42, I know what I want..

    Was he just using me? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    You are two consenting mature adults. No one is using anyone. If it's not going anywhere just end it.
    Originally Posted by 1877tulip
    I think heís in it just for sex...Iím 42, I know what I want..Was he just using me?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    No he wasn't using you. You, however, are one messed up lady and did a spectacular job of creating a mess out of nothing.

    Things were going well, instead of going along with it and seeing where it leads, you decided to create drama, backtrack, accuse the guy of just wanting sex while completely ignoring the fact that he was turning himself inside out to date you and court you while you willingly slept with him on your own accord....like seriously? As if that's not enough, you continued to mess with his head even more and totally reject him with the "let's just be friends" bs. I mean if you don't like the guy, fine. Just end things...but don't insult him with lets just be pals after I had sex with you.

    OP, get your head screwed on straight. I can't make heads or tails out of your behavior and I'm a woman. I can't even believe you are 42. You are acting like you are 12.

  4. #4
    Yes..I believe that too..
    And thatís what I said to him.


  6. #5
    I disagree
    I asked him the first time if this was just sex, he said yes, so we left it.

    When he got back in touch I thought it was to start dating again, but it was just sex.
    I felt I was wasting my time just sleeping with someone

  7. #6
    It was him who wanted to just be friends afterwards

  8. #7
    Can I just add, when I met the guy, he was with someone, on the verge of moving out. I didnít know this at the time of first meeting.

    I found out after...then called it as o felt it was just sex, and he was not mine to like.

    When he got in touch again, he was still with the gf.
    So I was wary.

    I got a drunken message to say they have split, and heís moved out.
    I didnít know any of this going into this..but backed off when I found out...

  9. #8
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    I could be wrong, but it appears you're in this for the "chase." Your actions simply do not match your words.

  10. #9
    What do you mean the chase?
    I like the guy...

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Ok Good choice to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.
    Originally Posted by 1877tulip
    when I met the guy, he was with someone, on the verge of moving out. I didnít know this at the time of first meeting. When he got in touch again, he was still with the gf.

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