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Thread: Should I Send Flowers To My Ex

  1. #1

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    May 2020
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    Should I Send Flowers To My Ex

    For some context let me give you guys the run down, also, my profile pic is ancient I’m now in my 20’s in university. Me and my girlfriend broke up 2 months ago, and we still talk relatively frequently. Texting maybe once a day for an hour or so. No phone conversations or anything. When I ask, which I’ve only asked 2 times in the past 3 weeks, she says she doesn’t know if she’s ready to talk on the phone or on FaceTime yet, which I think I understand. Assuming she’s being truthful. She’s a really sweet girl and honest, our relationship had some problems in the end but nothing major. The main reason we broke up she says is because she’s having an identity crisis. Additionally she does struggle with anxiety and depression. She was a STEM major at UT Austin. I myself also being one, can say it has been without a doubt the hardest experience I have ever gone through in my life physically, emotionally, and mentally. Anyways, it was her first year at college and she was failing out of the weed out classes, and now she’s transfered to humanities. My engineering classes are hard, she was going to have to take advanced calculus and all kinds of crazy stuff I can’t even begin to imagine. All that to say when she says she’s having an identity crisis, it is a significant one with ample evidence to support she’s not just bs’ing. We took a break from talking for a month almost after the break up, and we’ve talked consistently since then. Rn I’m taking a break from texting her during finals (my idea). In the past she’s said things like her “physics class was the main reason I broke up with you and now I’ve done that for nothing.” And ““I’m worried I’ll never find love again” and when I asked why she wouldn’t love me again, she replied, “I didn’t say that.” Of course the whole situation is complicated and possibly even harder to explain on this site lol. Overall, I’ve done a lot of soul searching and decided she’s really one I want to ‘chase’ down and not let go. Which I’m perfectly fine with playing the long game. At the moment due to covid we won’t be witching 300 miles of each other until the fall anyways, so the timing has somewhat worked out. She’s a really sweet girl I believe and the one I really want, she just has some hard issues with college she’s going through now which I totally understand, I went through the exact same situations. Currently, to get to the thesis of my post, (finally), I have selected a nice set of flowers that are her favorite color to be delivered in about 2 weeks. Before I’ve sent her lunch via delivery service for which I received a positive response. In 2 weeks finals will be over, and I plan on only texting her first at most between now and then. I’m not sure what her favorite flowers are, I know bad of me, but I got a great bouquet that’s her favorite color, very non cliche. The note just says ““congratulations on finishing your first year of college. - colton” Finally, if it’s any help her mother, I think, really likes me.

    any better suggestions or overall thoughts on the whole situation? Also don’t forget about the flowers.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    The flowers are very sweet. If you want to send them, send them. But not with the hopes that it will bring her back. Send them as a friend and no huge expectations. So that if she's not very receptive or if nothing changes between you two, then you won't be really disappointed.

    Secondly, you can't be 100% sure that there isn't another guy. She might tell you there's no one, and her mother might have not seen anyone. But she still could be keeping in contact with someone else via the internet.
    That being said, you need to be careful. Please stop placing all your hopes and dreams on this one person, when you aren't really sure what's what.

    This is coming from a place of experience. Although it might not be exactly what you want to hear, you need to take care of your own heart and be cautious, so if it doesn't work as you want it to, you won't be completely destroyed.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It sounds like your relationship with your ex-girlfriend is volatile and turbulent which doesn't warrant blissful flower giving AND she's your ex-girlfriend. She's not your current girlfriend. I would send flowers to her if you were on great terms with your girlfriend and NO flowers for your ex-girlfriend.

    You are both mentally unstable, stressed, complicated, dramatic and on and endless emotional roller coaster.

    Your relationship with her is tumultuous. I don't recommend sending her flowers at all.

  4. #4
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    Ask yourself this: how will you feel if the flowers are received warmly but then nothing else comes of it?

    I get that you have sent her lunch before, but that still hasn't done much to bring about more closeness. Flowers are stepping up the game, but I don't get the impression she wants you to elevate your strategy that way. She isn't ready to FaceTime, which tells me she's still trying to keep space between you two. I am sure she appreciates your gestures as an act of kindness but it doesn't appear to be having the desired effect of making her reconsider the break-up.

    She sounds like she cares about you but doesn't quite have the courage to be direct and tell you to step back. I would also echo Sherry's caution that you don't know that there isn't someone else on her radar and this might not be a matter of playing "the long game", as you put it. She is pinning it on stress, which can no doubt play a factor, but when someone really wants you? They find a way back to you. They generally find a way to manage the stress and keep you in their lives. She hasn't really been doing that; it's mostly coming from you. Unless and until you genuinely take space from her and stop trying to sweeten her up, you won't know if she's talking to you of her own volition and because she misses you or if she's responding to you because she doesn't want to be rude and ignore you. As such, I personally wouldn't send her flowers. It comes across as pressure on her to reply to you. Nix that and see if she still keeps in touch when you're not the one initiating.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Which profile pic? Unfortunately texting hours a day is something that places you in the friendzone.
    Originally Posted by Chayden
    my profile pic is ancient.
    Texting maybe once a day for an hour or so.
    Additionally she does struggle with anxiety and depression.


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