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Thread: Newly single and struggling with no contact

  1. #1
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    Newly single and struggling with no contact

    So I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years a week and a half ago and Iím really struggling to cope with all of the different emotions Iím feeling, one minute Iím fine and the next Iíll see something that reminds me of him and Iíll be in floods of tears. Even though it was so difficult I ultimately feel as though it was the right decision as we had been arguing so much lately and he has a short temper so starts shouting and swearing and just getting angry more and more often and he just didnít even seem like he was that into me anymore and as we live separately we havenít seen each other in quarantine so it had been about 6 weeks without seeing each other and he was taking hours to reply to messages and not being at all affectionate so Iíd just had enough. A selfish part of me kinda hoped he would fight for me or at least try to reach out on text, how long after a break up does it usually take for someone to get in touch? I feel like messaging to see how heís doing as heís recently started a new job but I donít know if thatíll just confuse maters and make things worse, I just donít want to feel like this but I feel as though itís going to take forever to get over him. Has anyone else been the dumper but still wanted to reach out/ be reached out to? Is that normal? Any advice appreciated as Iím just feeling really alone atm and keep checking my phone but knowing deep down if he wanted to he would have contacted by now

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. you did the right thing ending it and all your feelings are normal. The quarantine has had major effects on people's relationships. Divorce and breakup rates have soared for a multitude of reasons from realizing the relationship is bad to things being strained from too much togetherness ...or too much distance.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about all this.

    Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself: everything you're feeling is normal. Breakups hurt, even when we know they're needed. Suddenly there is a void where there used to be a person, and it takes some time to adjust to that, not much different, really, than how it takes time to recovery from surgery: the operation was needed, but the operation itself leaves a wound.

    Be compassionate with yourself and give yourself this time to feel all these feelings. They will passóthey always do, as no feeling is permanentóand in giving yourself this time to feel them you'll move through them, and past them. That's healing, which is what you're doing. Trust that as an idea, even if it feels impossible at certain junctures.

    As for wanting to reach out, or wanting him to reach out? That's normal too, but not something to indulge. Ultimately it's a way to soften these feelings, and feel a little better for a moment, but it doesn't do anyone any favors in the long run, using the person you've broken up with to cope with the breakup. Kind of like healing by drinking whiskey rather than just resting.

    A breakup is a breakup, not the beginning of a new relationship. In not reaching out to you, he is respecting you, and your choice, as well as his feelings. Try to see it like that, hard as it is.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You dont contact him.
    You have broken up and communicating with him will only delay your healing. You need to block and delete him from your phone and any social media. Keep yourself busy as best you can during this time of major stress. It will get easier.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    To grieve and feel the pain is how we all have had to heal. It normal and healthy. A counselor told me to express my feelings on paper. Keep a journal to unload your grief and your struggles. Then write down 20 things to be thankful for. Then after each entry add another each day of what you are thankful for. You can buy yourself some art supplies, or one of those adult coloring books for some simple creativity to distract yourself from wondering thoughts. The more you do for yourself, the more confident you will be to move on and go forward.

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    Thank you everyone for your replies and your kind words, with Covid 19 and now this break up everything just feels so uncertain at the moment and Iím feeling really anxious about the future. I was thinking about starting a journal and just getting some of the thoughts out of my head and on to paper in the hopes that itíll make me reflect on the reasons why I ended the relationship and not dwelling on the fact that Iím single now

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    A journal is great ideaóhelpful to many to purge and process thoughts and feelings. There's a section here where you can keep a journal, with different kinds of settings: allowing people to respond, or not, and so on.

    And if you'd like to list some of those reasons here, with some help processing them alongside the swirl of uncertainty, you've got listening ears and people who will offer the best they have to offer.

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    One of the main reasons I ended the relationship was his temper, heís the kind of guy that will want to punch another man if they look at him the wrong way and thatís why he doesnít drink because he doesnít trust himself and heís been in trouble with the police in the past for fighting etc albeit that was a long time ago
    But just before I decided to end it he text me to say heíd got into an altercation with his neighbour (even though heís only renovating the house he hasnít even moved in yet!) and it ended in his neighbour calling the police, I just donít want that kind of worry and Iím more a lover than a fighter type so never understood why he couldnít just be the bigger man and walk away from those kind of situations

  10. #9
    Really sorry for you. Right now you jus need some time to cry and be upset. It's OK. You spent with this person not a day or to. It would be weird if you are happy after you broke up. It's perfect time for you. You can do what you wanted to do but didn't have time. Start a new book, do some exercise, learn new language. The world is your ouster!

  11. #10
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    Thank you as you wrote that message I was doing a work out, I am trying to stay active and I’ve even found a new interesting in gardening which is keeping me busy

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