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Thread: She said she no longer wants to talk to me

  1. #1

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    She said she no longer wants to talk to me

    My ex and I broke up about two months ago. We had been dating for six months. Despite some minor setbacks we had a solid relationship. About two months ago I made mistake and she broke up with me. I acknowledge my mistake and that it was entirely my fault. When we broke up, she blocked me from all platforms including her cell phone. I tried to talk to reach out to her to no avail. I gave her space for a week and then decided to go to her house to speak with her, and she was not there. I then gave her another week of space and she didnít reach out, so then I decided to create and alt fb account and got ahold of her. She was really upset and we talked for a good while, and she would flip from wanting to get back to not wanting to talk to me anymore almost every other day. In a nutshell, I made the necessary changes and expressed my willingness and desire to do whatever it took to save out relationship. She said that she could see that I was making a real change, which I had been and still am, and things started to look hopeful. About two weeks ago today, we began the day texting as usual. She said sheíd be going to her grandmas for a get together, and at the end of the day things seemed different. Regardless, we had this recurring issue where she neglected to answer some of my questions they text, nothing major just normal questions, and Iíve always been patient with her. This particular day she asked me questions and I calmly told her that I didnít appreciate that she didnít answer some of my questions when I always tried my best to answer hers and that I understood she was busy but I was talking in general. She then uncharacteristically answered not to reply to her anymore then. I said goodnight and the following day I was a bit upset and waited for her to reach out like she always did but she never did. The following day after that I sent her a good morning and wished her a good day. No reply all day. The next day I asked her if something was going on because it seemed as though she did a complete 360. I told her to be sincere with me. She then replied that she no longer wanted to talk to me. She had done this many times and I always inquired as to why and we went back and forth every day...it was emotionally exhausting. So this time I felt like that was enough for the both of us and I didnít reply, and then I just blocked her on every platform because I was hurting and wanted to move on. Iíve always been the type to want to talk out our problems and understand each other and sheís always had trouble with it. But again, I was emotionally exhausted and I also wanted to respect her because maybe she didnít know what she wanted. I just unblocked her yesterday because quite frankly it didnít feel right, not because I wanted to give her an avenue for her to reach out to me, although I would love that, but because it goes against my character. I just donít like to be contemptuous or bitter or anything like that. But I miss her terribly and Iím not sure if I made a mistake in trying to move on instead of asking her why she no longer wanted to talk to me? Was it the right move? And, should I reach out to her or just respect her wishes? Of course my values say to respect her wishes, but knowing her and how fluctuating her emotions are from one day to another and how she is shy and not easily expresses her feelings and emotions , I wonder if the right thing to do would be to reach out? Or shall I just let it be and try to move on? When we were trying to get back she did say how much she loved me, that i was the love of her life and she mentioned all the qualities she loved about me, but that she was also hurt and that is why sometimes she would say she no longer wanted to talk to me. Iím confused, because I know with certainty that things would improve, and we were doing great, and at least on my part Iíd be willing to put all the necessary work. And thatís another thing, she is way younger than me and she is inexperienced in handling conflict sometimes and she runs away from it and even breaks up, so I try to be understanding and sympathetic to that and I do understand. Thoughts?

    Anyway, thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    What is the "mistake" you made?

    How old is she and how old are you?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    It was hard for me to follow the end there where you are asking your questions and discussing your feelings.

    can you break into paragraphs or give a recap?

  4. #4

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    So I guess you can say that sheís the jealous type. She didnít like that I commented on my female friends post, even though I never commented anything out of line or inappropriate. So I respected that aspect. But then one day one of my female friends on Facebook posted a story of her daughter and I sent her a message about it. The message was along the lines of ďyour daughter is cuteĒ and ďhow are you handling the quarantine.Ē Granted she is only a virtual friend, not a personal friend and eventhough the message he was not flirtatious in nature I can see how it could be perceived that way, and in hindsight knowing that sheíd get upset I shouldíve known better and respected her. So one day she was going through my pictures on my phone and she saw that convo. I reacted nervously but more so because I knew how impulsively she reacted and broke things off, but I could see how she couldíve seen it as me acting suspiciously, I get it. But in all sincerity I have always been faithful to her albeit Iíve made stupid mistakes like that.

    She is 19 and I am 35.

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  6. #5

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    Basically, Iím debating whether I should reach out to her knowing that she reacts impulsively sometimes and says things she doesnít mean, or if she does at the moment she changes her mind the following day or at a later time. I also understand her inexperience and I want her to be happy, even though I am certain we can be happy together. I love this women with all my heart and soul. But yeah, I am just confused and I want to respect her, but again, knowing her shy nature Iím not too sure if Iíd be blowing my chance by not reaching out to her? And also, Iím wondering if i made a mistake by not questioning why she no longer wanted to talk to me? Quite frankly, when I didnít respond and proceeded to block her I was both doing it because I wanted to move on and because I knew this was unhealthy for both of us, but I also was really upset and hurt. I donít know if I shot my self on the foot or if I did the right thing by respecting her wishes and leaving her alone.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Why are you dating a teenager? Aren't you close to the same age as her parents?

    You should expect a teenager to act like a teenager. Getting upset about Facebook, going through your phone, changing her mind every few minutes. That's what you get when you try to date a teen.

  8. #7

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why are you dating a teenager? Aren't you close to the same age as her parents?

    You should expect a teenager to act like a teenager. Getting upset about Facebook, going through your phone, changing her mind every few minutes. That's what you get when you try to date a teen.
    Fair enough. If it means anything she is mature and wise beyond her years in many other aspects. But I get you. Thank you for your input.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She's 19....she's not mature enough to handle an adult relationship...she has another 8 years to figure that out that she acted immaturely, jump to conclusions, accused you of cheated. You are 35, seek out mature women around your age and you will less likely ever have these issues. I need to add, you need to stop being the ex BF that won't stop obsessing over getting back with a GF...it's unflattering. It doesn't and will not ever benefit you to keep chasing someone that doesn't want anything to do with you. Leave her alone. Take a step back, and breath....know what you are doing is wrong, and the poor choices you have made.....steer yourself in the right direction, go forward.

    I get it you see only what you want to see of her....from what you have posted we see an immature girl, trying to act all that to fit in....like so many young ones do.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    First of all, date women your own age! She's only 19 and you're 35? You're almost old enough to be her father!

    Both of you were not meant for each other. Date emotionally mature and emotionally intelligent women your own age!

  11. #10

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    She's 19....she's not mature enough to handle an adult relationship...she has another 8 years to figure that out that she acted immaturely, jump to conclusions, accused you of cheated. You are 35, seek out mature women around your age and you will less likely ever have these issues. I need to add, you need to stop being the ex BF that won't stop obsessing over getting back with a GF...it's unflattering. It doesn't and will not ever benefit you to keep chasing someone that doesn't want anything to do with you. Leave her alone. Take a step back, and breath....know what you are doing is wrong, and the poor choices you have made.....steer yourself in the right direction, go forward.

    I get it you see only what you want to see of her....from what you have posted we see an immature girl, trying to act all that to fit in....like so many young ones do.
    I understand and yeah I agree with most of what you said. She is too inexperienced and sheís even said it herself that sometimes she feels intimidated by wanting to be a certain way because I am older. Maybe itís best for both of us....but god did we have such a wonderful connection and she is without a doubt the most kind and wonderful soul Iíve ever met. She has most of the qualities that I value and we hold many of the same principles and views on life. We are so compatible. It hurts that a stupid mistake that I made will likely cost me the best relationship with the most amazing woman Iíve ever been with.

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