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Preoccupation with body image


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Hi everyone, I need to talk to you guys about how I've been feeling about myself recently. I've noticed I became self-insecure about my body and I try to eat less/watch what I'm eating. I am not fat but I am not skinny either, I'd say I have a curvy body, I don't know. I feel like I should lose some weight, I see my family once or twice per year (I live in another country), and they sometimes comment on my body, and say I gained weight. While I appreciate their honesty/concern, these remarks made me self-conscious, and lately I've noticed I am happy if I eat less or I just wish I could stop eating to lose weight. I don't want this to become an eating disorder, but at the same time I don't want to be labeled as the fat one. I don't know if this makes sense I just needed to get this off my chest.

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Does your family usually tease you about this? Why is the family dynamic like that? You are probably fine if your BMI is in the healthy range so this is more about family slights than weight/eating.

 

Next time they comment simply look them in the face and say something equally inane such as "did you know sloths are immune to corona?" 🦥😋

I see my family once or twice per year (I live in another country), and they sometimes comment on my body, and say I gained weight. I don't want to be labeled as the fat one
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Does your family usually tease you about this? Why is the family dynamic like that? You are probably fine if your BMI is in the healthy range so this is more about family slights than weight/eating.

 

Next time they comment simply look them in the face and say something equally inane such as "did you know sloths are immune to corona?" 🦥😋

 

Yes, they like to tease me. I know that if my mum says it, she means well, like she tells me to watch my weight because most women in family are not exactly skinny, some are even overweight. My BMI is fine.

I like jogging and swimming, but that's about it as far as sports. I'd like to be more active, I know it's important when you have an office job. I just want to do it because it makes me happy, not because I have to. I love the sloth comment 😊

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I don't know why people especially family members perceive it to be ok to comment on your weight and appearance. Just down right rude really. Perhaps they do it just because they 'can' sort of keeping you down and in your place. Give them a short sharp mouthful next time....works for me everytime.

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Yes, they like to tease me. I know that if my mum says it, she means well, like she tells me to watch my weight because most women in family are not exactly skinny, some are even overweight. My BMI is fine.

I like jogging and swimming, but that's about it as far as sports. I'd like to be more active, I know it's important when you have an office job. I just want to do it because it makes me happy, not because I have to. I love the sloth comment 😊

30-45 minutes of jogging everyday is enough exercise. What you need is to monitor what you eat. Portion control is the key. People make it more difficult than it is. The golden rule: calories in/calories out. Nothing else. Don't change your diet if you like what you eat. Just eat 100-150 calories less than you are eating now. Does it take some discipline to do that? Yes of course. See, I just saved you 50 euros on personal trainer lol :)

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45 minutes of jogging everyday is enough exercise. What you need is to monitor what you eat. Portion control is the key. People make it more difficult than it is. The golden rule: calories in/calories out. Nothing else. Don't change your diet if you like what you eat. Just eat 100-150 calories less than you are eating now. Does it take some discipline to do that? Yes of course. See, I just saved you 50 euros on personal trainer lol :)

 

Thank you for the advice:) I don't eat a lot, my portion sizes are pretty small compared to others, it's true I like pizza and pasta so not the healthiest meals but I also like veggies and fruits :) I thought my body was okay but these remarks just made me insecure 😔

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You need to speak up to your family. Tell them that you don't wish to hear their inconsiderate comments regarding your weight and that you will greatly appreciate them if they refrain from their criticisms or "observations" regarding your appearance in a negative way. However, be prepared for their gaslighting you. (Google "gaslighting.") They may deflect and become defensive by telling you that you are "overly sensitive." They will tell you that they "mean well" when it's really either a backhanded compliment in the best case scenarios or they're "trying to help you" by giving you hints that you look fat. Any of those remarks are equally unkind and boorish behaviors. Speaking up is what you need to get off your chest. You need to teach some ignorant people how to behave like decent human beings.

 

As for losing weight, often times it helps not to focus on body image. Instead, concentrate on heart, brain, overall health and how you feel. You will notice that when you are strict with diet and exercise, you will definitely feel better mentally and physically which will boost your self confidence.

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Thank you for the advice:) I don't eat a lot, my portion sizes are pretty small compared to others, it's true I like pizza and pasta so not the healthiest meals but I also like veggies and fruits :) I thought my body was okay but these remarks just made me insecure 😔

 

No one can make you insecure. That's on you. So tell them you'd prefer no comments on your weight because you feel self--conscious about those comments. If they rudely continue I'd repeat it one time and explain that if your wishes can't be respected you're going to spend less time with them.

 

On the second part -losing some weight - I'll share some tips on what I do to maintain -but I ended up losing. I do not drink sweetened drinks including diet drinks - I find they trigger carb cravings.. I drink about 10-12 glasses of water a day plus some unsweetened sparkling and coffee with milk, no sugar. I drink about 3 of those glasses during my daily cardio workout. I do not eat between meals unless I am very hungry. If I am I will eat a few apple slices or a dried fig or a banana. No mindless eating or nibbling -and it's hard because I'm preparing at least 3 extra meals and snacks a day. I don't do the constant eating thing -even if it's carrot sticks -because I think it's healthier -for me- not to be that focused on eating/food. When I feel like having something but I'm not hungry I drink from my water bottle.

I eat lightly at night. I try to get enough sleep because I tend to eat more when I am tired. I don't eat much at all after around 7pm or earlier.

I do a cardio workout every day -it's power walking but I try to get my whole body involved. I also try to move my body as much as possible -additional brisk walking, cleaning that requires muscle, etc. Pre-quarrantine I walked an additional 1.5-2miles a day for commuting, errands, shopping. A little less so now.

 

I was a little overweight twice in my life. Once was in the early 1990s when I was on an awful birth control pill and the second time was about 10 years ago when I was pregnant. I am in my 50s and I weigh about ten pounds less than I did before I got pregnant and I was slim. I worked out then too, regularly, but I drank a lot of diet soda, ate too many sweets between meals and ate a lot more as far as portions -including heavier restaurant meals. I love pizza, pasta, ice cream, chocolate and I deprive myself of nothing. But I do pretty strict portion control.

 

Hope this is helpful!!

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Your family shouldn't be treating you that way.

 

Just to add onto what dias mentioned: From my own experience, losing weight is easier when you tweak your current eating habits instead of radically changing everything you eat (provided that someone isn't a complete unhealthy eater). I'd make a mental or physical list of what you normally eat and then tweak it to make it healthier. For example: Chocolate/cookies/desserts are my weakness so I still eat those, just less than before. I also love cappuccinos. But since there's a lot of calories in milk I often use a measuring cup to limit my milk intake. Instead of eating two slices of toast every day with sugar-free peanut butter for breakfast, I alternate it with sugar-free oatmeal (no milk). Some packaged food contains added sugar or sweeteners, so checking out the ingredients is worth it. Small tweaks like that make a huge difference!

 

This covid-19 has really motivated me to eat healthier. A healthy gut is a happy me. So I'm avoiding fast food. I'm not a specialist so here's an article on a gut health that you might find interesting. (https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/gut-microbiome-and-health)

 

It's all about leading a healthier lifestyle, becoming a healthier you. :D

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It does not sound like you need to lose weight at all.

And you are reasonably active.

 

Tell your rude family members to mind their own business and yes that includes your mum. She does not mean well.

You are not overweight and therefore she should not be commenting on your weight. She should be happy that you are healthy and happy.

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Thank you guys for your comments, I want to start jogging more regularly once the lockdown is over here.

As for my family, I usually defend myself, I say I don't feel bad in my body. If I am really upset, my mom apologizes, she just says she doesn't want me to be overweight as my cousin. I told her the other day her comments were hurtful, I hope she understood. I don't want to be going home to visit all stressed what my family will say.

I wanted to share a picture of myself with you guys but I don't know if it's a good idea 😐

I am from.Eastern Europe and it's true our culture is slightly obsessed with being skinny so I just don't have the desired body type I guess.

Usually I am okay with how I look but lately I've realized these comments are affecting me too much. Thanks again for listening :)

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I am from.Eastern Europe and it's true our culture is slightly obsessed with being skinny so I just don't have the desired body type I guess.

Usually I am okay with how I look but lately I've realized these comments are affecting me too much.

 

Your culture may have a "desired body type" but look around you and you will see that guys are in happy relationships with women of all different shapes and sizes (and the men are just as varied). It is when you believe you "must" look a certain way that disordered thinking and eating can creep in. Please don't go on any silly diets. As others have said, just reduce your portion sizes of whatever food you already like to eat and find a type of exercise that you enjoy. When I needed to lose weight I used a slightly smaller plate so it still looked like I was eating the same amount. I was still eating pizza, just smaller ones! Have a look on YouTube - there is no end of exercise videos there that you can do at home during the lockdown.

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Thank you guys for your comments, I want to start jogging more regularly once the lockdown is over here.

As for my family, I usually defend myself, I say I don't feel bad in my body. If I am really upset, my mom apologizes, she just says she doesn't want me to be overweight as my cousin. I told her the other day her comments were hurtful, I hope she understood. I don't want to be going home to visit all stressed what my family will say.

I wanted to share a picture of myself with you guys but I don't know if it's a good idea 😐

I am from.Eastern Europe and it's true our culture is slightly obsessed with being skinny so I just don't have the desired body type I guess.

Usually I am okay with how I look but lately I've realized these comments are affecting me too much. Thanks again for listening :)

 

You don't need to share a photo, you don't need the opinion of anyone.

 

If you are ok with how you look then fine. Whatever you like. Now, if you don't like how you look then it's a different story.

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Your culture may have a "desired body type" but look around you and you will see that guys are in happy relationships with women of all different shapes and sizes (and the men are just as varied). It is when you believe you "must" look a certain way that disordered thinking and eating can creep in. Please don't go on any silly diets. As others have said, just reduce your portion sizes of whatever food you already like to eat and find a type of exercise that you enjoy. When I needed to lose weight I used a slightly smaller plate so it still looked like I was eating the same amount. I was still eating pizza, just smaller ones! Have a look on YouTube - there is no end of exercise videos there that you can do at home during the lockdown.

I actually found this smaller pizza type and it's much better to eat the huge one! I am exercising even now at home, just not that regularly 😐 I like portion control advice. I don't want to feel guilty when I eat a burger or something so this sounds reasonable.

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You don't need to share a photo, you don't need the opinion of anyone.

 

If you are ok with how you look then fine. Whatever you like. Now, if you don't like how you look then it's a different story.

Thank you dias🤗 As I said I am usually okay with how I look, I am actually happy I have a feminine type of body, it's just my family who made me feel insecure.

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Your family shouldn't be treating you that way.

 

Just to add onto what dias mentioned: From my own experience, losing weight is easier when you tweak your current eating habits instead of radically changing everything you eat (provided that someone isn't a complete unhealthy eater). I'd make a mental or physical list of what you normally eat and then tweak it to make it healthier. For example: Chocolate/cookies/desserts are my weakness so I still eat those, just less than before. I also love cappuccinos. But since there's a lot of calories in milk I often use a measuring cup to limit my milk intake. Instead of eating two slices of toast every day with sugar-free peanut butter for breakfast, I alternate it with sugar-free oatmeal (no milk). Some packaged food contains added sugar or sweeteners, so checking out the ingredients is worth it. Small tweaks like that make a huge difference!

 

This covid-19 has really motivated me to eat healthier. A healthy gut is a happy me. So I'm avoiding fast food. I'm not a specialist so here's an article on a gut health that you might find interesting. (https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/gut-microbiome-and-health)

 

It's all about leading a healthier lifestyle, becoming a healthier you. :D

 

I do exactly the same for losing a few pounds - a few! -and maintaining.

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Thank you guys for your comments, I want to start jogging more regularly once the lockdown is over here.

As for my family, I usually defend myself, I say I don't feel bad in my body. If I am really upset, my mom apologizes, she just says she doesn't want me to be overweight as my cousin. I told her the other day her comments were hurtful, I hope she understood. I don't want to be going home to visit all stressed what my family will say.

I wanted to share a picture of myself with you guys but I don't know if it's a good idea 😐

I am from.Eastern Europe and it's true our culture is slightly obsessed with being skinny so I just don't have the desired body type I guess.

Usually I am okay with how I look but lately I've realized these comments are affecting me too much. Thanks again for listening :)

 

Is she worried about weight or health? Tell mom you understand she has honorable intentions and how she expresses them to you isn't helpful. Are you not allowed outdoor exercise? We are -socially distanced -so I power walk (more like a run) daily around sunrise for 30-35 minutes. It makes my day. Today especially the sun was coming through the trees. For indoor workouts (when our workout room is closed, which it is) i love Leslie Sansome walk at home. But I do it with more intensity and for 30-35 minutes because that's all I typically have/can commit to -even on the days I can do longer I prefer the structure and routine -works better for me.

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Thank you guys for your comments, I want to start jogging more regularly once the lockdown is over here.

As for my family, I usually defend myself, I say I don't feel bad in my body. If I am really upset, my mom apologizes, she just says she doesn't want me to be overweight as my cousin. I told her the other day her comments were hurtful, I hope she understood. I don't want to be going home to visit all stressed what my family will say.

I wanted to share a picture of myself with you guys but I don't know if it's a good idea 😐

I am from.Eastern Europe and it's true our culture is slightly obsessed with being skinny so I just don't have the desired body type I guess.

Usually I am okay with how I look but lately I've realized these comments are affecting me too much. Thanks again for listening :)

 

Instead of becoming defensive towards your family, be adamant when you tell them that you will no longer tolerate their disrespecting you with their rude comments regarding your body because it's another way of telling you that you're fat. Tell your mom that you've already working on your health in your own way and to be quiet about this. Tell her that you do not need unsolicited advice. If your mom and family refuse to honor your wishes, decrease your visits until they get your message. Enforce boundaries with people including family.

 

It's not a good idea to share a photo of yourself with us because it is unnecessary. We'll take your word for it!

 

As mentioned previously, instead of obsessing over your body image, shift your focus onto your heart, brain and body organs' health. Diet and exercise diligently to prevent pre-diabetes, diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, liver disease, kidney disease, better mental health, reduce the risk of arthritis / osteoarthritis, pain and inflammation. Think about the quality of your life and longevity.

 

Also, think of genetics. If health problems are prevalent in your family tree, break the mold by changing your lifestyle habits.

 

Regarding food, think how you feel after you eat food which you're not supposed to eat. You will feel physically awful, sluggish and fatigued. Also, being a few pounds heavier from indulging will have other prices to pay such as being in a foul mood because bad food will make you feel negative, miserable and depressed more than ever before. Always think of the bad consequences.

 

I LOVE various food of all sorts. However, I always think of how I feel after I eat it and for the next 48 hours. I'm extremely tired,:upset: sluggish, dragging, bloated, puffy and exercise is unnecessarily more labored than it has to be. All I want to do is nap.

 

Think of how you feel and let that be your guide and barometer to your health as opposed to body image. Get healthy for your mind and whatever it does to the body is gravy. Change your mindset. A convicted mindset makes you mentally stronger and this in turn gives you self control which is empowering.

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Thank you Batya an Cherylyn for your advice.

I have no health issues, my mom is concerned I will gain weight and never lose it. The women in our family are rarely skinny, and both my aunt and my cousin gained so much weight at some point, especially when they were pregnant. So I believe this is her main concern.

When I said I can defend myself, I meant I explained my family I am happy with how I look, and they can't expect me to look the same as I looked 10 years ago.

I think they feel like they can say things about my appearance because they see me once per year, they don't beat around the bush but I talked to my mom today and told her how this makes me feel so I think she understands now.

Thanks again for commenting, I feel like this helped me to change my mindset.

No photos will be provided, I'll stick with my sloth picture 😊

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Thank you Batya an Cherylyn for your advice.

I have no health issues, my mom is concerned I will gain weight and never lose it. The women in our family are rarely skinny, and both my aunt and my cousin gained so much weight at some point, especially when they were pregnant. So I believe this is her main concern.

When I said I can defend myself, I meant I explained my family I am happy with how I look, and they can't expect me to look the same as I looked 10 years ago.

I think they feel like they can say things about my appearance because they see me once per year, they don't beat around the bush but I talked to my mom today and told her how this makes me feel so I think she understands now.

Thanks again for commenting, I feel like this helped me to change my mindset.

No photos will be provided, I'll stick with my sloth picture 😊

 

Why can't you look the same weight wise after ten years? Getting older doesn't mean gaining weight. Some experience slower metabolisms as they age. Doesn't mean weight gain has to be the result. Having said that yes I agree you have to enforce boundaries with them.

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I do exactly the same for losing a few pounds - a few! -and maintaining.

High five, Batya!

 

 

Kim, do women in your family have any health issues? I know that a few of mine do and that's why they gained weight over the years. It's also the reason I gained weight at some point as well. I wasn't happy being that size so I was determined to lose the excess. What matters most is you being healthy but also comfortable in your own skin. It's good to read that your mum understands now!

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You're quite welcome, kim42. :smug:

 

You are young and don't have any health issues ~ yet. Get healthy, stay healthy and you'll have no to minimal health issues later as you grow older.

 

If being overweight is prevalent in your family, it is alarming because often times, this means blood tests are not optimal which is nothing to sneeze at.

 

Being overweight is not about just aesthetics. Being overweight is a reflection of non-health INSIDE the body.

 

Since you've explained to your family that you're happy with your appearance and you told your mom that you are hurt by her "observations" and she understands, hopefully you can put this issue to rest.

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