Last piece of advice

Hi,

About a month ago I asked for advice on the best way to get an ex girlfriend back. A couple of weeks ago I then asked for some more advice in regards to blocking my ex. This will be the last bit of advice I ask for. If you are interested you can read back on my 2 previous posts.

I'm going to summarize. Basically, me and my ex broke up at the end of January. We spoke quite a bit and near the end of February I asked her to rekindle things which she rejected. Near the end of March I told her that It would be best if I were to block her on social media so I could get over her which she agreed. It's been just over a month and I have unblocked her because I felt a little better about the situation and I felt like seeing her with someone else wouldn't faze me. She's not currently seeing someone else.

A small part of me would still like to rekindle things. I know I have gotten a lot of advice which mostly advised to keep her out of my life. I'm looking to see if anyone has some advice in relation to starting a conversation about starting a new relationship. I understand people will advise against this but I guess I'm looking for someone with advice on how to try to fix things with this girl. I really do love her and I haven't stopped. We were together for nearly 2 years and I know she had strong feelings for me.

Why are you setting yourself up for more disappointment, rejection, pain and disaster? Leave well enough alone.

Don't entertain the idea to rekindle anymore. Your ex girlfriend is an EX. When you asked her to rekindle things she rejected. Get her message by now loud and clear. No means NO.

Do her a favor and let her heal so she can move on. The more you revisit her life, the more you drag out unnecessary drama.

You legit could have worded that a whole lot nicer instead of looking like a

But she already told you no.

I doubt anyone is going to encourage you to try yet again. No one is going to advise you to hurt yourself even more.

Driving while looking in the rear view mirror is not only a bad idea but potentially dangerous. Your windshield is bigger for a reason, because there's way more to see up ahead than behind you.

Caveat: I agree that it’s unwise to proceed to pick this scab, but you didn’t ask for my opinion on that. You asked for advice on how to pick it most effectively.

Well if you’re gonna do it anyway then here is my take: don’t start by bringing up anything relationship-oriented whatsoever. You’re going to have to convince her you’re over her - but not by saying that directly! You have to be friendly. Pleasant. Don’t show any desire or jealousy whatsoever. She will at some point say something to the effect of “I thought you had to block me to heal?” and you can respond warmly that “you’re right - I did.” And then leave it at that. Maybe the query will sound more like “What’s really going on, why are you reaching out to me?” Your answer might sound something like “I can understand you’re skeptical after everything we’ve been through, if being friends is too difficult for you I will respect that” and be prepared to back that up if she tells you it’s too hard. If that happens wait a day or two and she will likely text or call you. If she doesn’t then be a real man and leave her alone. More likely she will attempt to portray her own indifference by defending her ability to continue talking as friends with you. But what’s really happened is she is now curious to find out how you could be over her so fast and she will start tossing breadcrumbs to see if she can still affect your emotions.

If you can get her talking to you again (don’t go for or engage in more than one or two conversations per week,) then after a few weeks you can say it as casually and matter of factly as you can muster it that you’d be open to dating her again. Then let it go again and allow her to process that.

If she really does still care for you then the ball will already be set in motion at that point and all you have to do is play it cool. Let it unfold. If you push her or rush it your chances go way down. And of course if she doesn’t want to get back together you can’t Jedi mind trick her. There is no psychological method to make someone feel any certain way.

Your best bet is to re-engage in a friendly, non-pushy and non-threatening way. If she will engage at all, then proceed with measured friendliness. If she seems to be willing to continue occasional chats with you and begins feeling comfortable then you can plant the seed.

Hard to describe exactly because I’ve never met either of you and even if I had we can’t predict the future...but the key is chiiiiiiiill.

And remember, “you get what you get when you do what you do,” haha. Good luck, sport.

You legit could have worded that a whole lot nicer instead of looking like a

Cherylyn was honest and correct.

Time to move on.

Reminds me of the old saying 'If you love someone let them go, for if they return they were always yours. And if they don't they never were'

OP, ask yourself this: are you prepared to be disappointed again?

I don't see much hope in this. She has been clear she's not interested. The month of no contact hasn't been an issue for her, and neither was the blocking. That tells you that the strong feelings she once had are gone. In my experience, they generally don't come back. What will be your sign that it's time to really move on? When she starts dating someone new, or.?

Anyway. To answer the question you asked - you can't rekindle if she's not interested. I don't see any indication she wants this. Even if you started chatting with her again, there is no guarantee it would't be strictly out of kindness (from her) rather than just ignoring you.

You legit could have worded that a whole lot nicer instead of looking like a

Caveat: I agree that it’s unwise to proceed to pick this scab, but you didn’t ask for my opinion on that. You asked for advice on how to pick it most effectively.

 

Well if you’re gonna do it anyway then here is my take: don’t start by bringing up anything relationship-oriented whatsoever. You’re going to have to convince her you’re over her - but not by saying that directly!

With respect, Skeptic, I laughed at this because it is funny to see the "game plan" from a male perspective. I'm sure this can work on some women, but I also know many (me included) that will not react as planned here at all. Given that every person and relationship is different, I doubt there is any "right" approach to it that applies to everyone. OP, you know your ex better than anybody here. How can you expect any stranger here to help you craft the best game plan to get someone back when they don't even know her?

If she really does still care for you then the ball will already be set in motion at that point and all you have to do is play it cool. Let it unfold. If you push her or rush it your chances go way down. And of course if she doesn’t want to get back together you can’t Jedi mind trick her. There is no psychological method to make someone feel any certain way.

I agree with this though. Eventually it depends on whether she wants you back or not. Any game plan that "tricks" her into thinking she wants you back (if that's even possible) would be manipulative, and the result won't be authentic.

You can certainly ask her to reconcile again, but be prepared that she may still say no. If you can handle the rejection, I don't see the point in hiding your feelings and playing lengthy games around it. Meanwhile, there is always no harm in working on personal growth and development. If you broke up because you were not the best boyfriend when you were together, think about what you can (and want to) improve and work on that. In time if you grow into a better person she might change her mind. Or better, you might get over her and find a more compatible partner.

What part of the word: "NO" don't you understand?

Unfortunately it takes two, so if she's not interested your energy is better spent moving forward than chasing 'the one who got away'.

A small part of me would still like to rekindle things.