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He deleted my number. Is there any chance he will contact me again later on?


JoHarvelle

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Hey guys!

 

My ex broke up with me about 8 months ago. I know it's been a long time and I should have moved on by now but he was my first love and first everything so I'm taking my time. It's been tough on both of us. We even got back together for a week about 3 months ago but it didn't work out. He broke up with me again saying he didn't have the fight a relationship with me required when I asked him to give me reassurance and explain how he could sleep with 6 other girls a month after we broke up if he still loved me. I wasn't even accusing him of anything. I just asked him to help me get over his and see a therapist together. I had previously asked him to see a therapist for his severe depression. He refused my offer just like the previous ones.

 

Anyways, he's been asking me to sleep with him and enter some kind of friends with benefits thing with him. He's practically begged me for this, saying he would only sleep with me if we had this arrangement. I know that would only hurt me since he doesn't want a relationship and that is what I ultimately want and I've made that pretty clear. He said he couldn't be friends with me if I wasn't going to sleep with him. I said I wanted to keep the lines of communication open and that he could tell me if he changed his mind.

 

We would text each other occasionally like every other week or so. Three weeks ago, he texted me saying he was thinking of me and he called me love. The next day, he apologized and said he was drunk and asked me if I could come over and make him eggs and take care of him. This came from a guy who hated it when I even asked him if he was okay. Since I knew this was probably about sex I told him I didn't think it was a good idea and that he doesn't want anyone to take care of him but I told him that he could talk to me and that I was there for him. A couple hours later he told me it was a good thing that I didn't come and that he wasn't in the mood to talk anymore. We didn't contact each other after that except when I forwarded a message to him about controversies surrounding a pill he was taking and told him to look out. He thanked me.

 

I have two numbers on WhatsApp. A few days ago when I was checking his account, I realized that he had deleted my number because I couldn't see any of his information. He hadn't deleted my other number though. The other day when I was checking to see if my number was still deleted, I accidentally pressed video call when I was exiting WhatsApp. I hung up and texted him that I had called him by mistake.

 

The day after that I checked my other number and realized that he has deleted that one too! I don't understand why he would do that. If he wanted to delete my numbers altogether why wouldn't he delete them on the same day? Does the fact that I video called him by mistake have anything to do with this?

 

I know that the relationship is over and maybe this is for the best but I really wanted us to keep the lines of communication open. I wanna know if he's doing okay. I want us to be able to contact each other on special occasions like birthday's or the New Year's. I liked to think that someday he MIGHT wanna get back together again or at least be friends. Is that out the window now? Can he find me and contact me later on if he has a change of heart now that he doesn't have my number? He doesn't have facebook or an instagram account.

 

I realize that I need to move on I just wanna know if this is a possibility.

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The best thing you can do is steer clear of someone you find promiscuous, drinks too much, only wants casual sex and plays this many games. On/off, trying to fix, change, asking for joint therapy, telling him he needs therapy, etc is all a red flag that you need to get away and stay away.

 

You need to delete and block him and all his people from All your devices, contact lists, messaging apps and social media. Stop playing games, trying to chase him and get in touch with him.... unless you want no strings sex.

My ex broke up with me about 8 months ago. The other day when I was checking to see if my number was still deleted, I accidentally pressed video call when I was exiting WhatsApp. I hung up and texted him that I had called him by mistake.

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I know that the relationship is over and maybe this is for the best but I really wanted us to keep the lines of communication open. I wanna know if he's doing okay. I want us to be able to contact each other on special occasions like birthday's or the New Year's. I liked to think that someday he MIGHT wanna get back together again or at least be friends. Is that out the window now? Can he find me and contact me later on if he has a change of heart now that he doesn't have my number? He doesn't have facebook or an instagram account.

 

OP, gently and with respect - you need to let go of this idea.

 

It's keeping you hooked on a guy who doesn't want that with you. And honestly, most exes don't remain in each others' lives this way forever. Eventually, one party moves on and the contact fizzles out. The idea of friendship isn't so appealing when the other person finds a new girlfriend or boyfriend, and a new partner isn't going to want an ex lurking around in the wings.

 

It's time to really move on from him. He wasn't keeping in touch with you for the right reasons, and my guess is that he's met someone else and doesn't want your messages and calls coming through and raising suspicion with her. Sorry, girl. It's over.

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Don't keep the lines of communication open with a loser.

 

Whenever I say that all my respect for a person or persons went down the drain, it's over. I don't want a relationship, friendship nor acquaintanceship with them anymore. I don't even care if they're ok and neither should you. My mind is filled with indifference and apathy as should yours.

 

Don't bother acknowledging special occasions, birthday and holidays. Never ingratiate yourself to anybody otherwise you're pitiful and pathetic. Never kowtow to anyone. You're better than that. Never hope to rekindle with a loser. Never grovel. Have thorough disgust and disdain for someone who was not good to you because it will remind you how to hold your own dignity, sanity, self-respect and self-preservation.

 

If you realized that you need to move on, the only way to truly move onto the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality is to sever all contact permanently otherwise you can't heal your brain.

 

Learn to create your own happiness with your own life. Steer clear of toxic, dysfunctional people because they will only give you drag you down with undue pain, depression, stress and angst and who needs that? :upset: Be shrewd, astute and learn how to protect and save your soul.

 

Be kind to yourself and surround yourself with people who possess class, poise, humility and integrity. Everyone else is OUT.

 

You can handle this parting diplomatically. Tell him or write or text him that both of you are incompatible, wish him all the best and it's time to go your separate ways. Be peaceful. If he's relentless, then you can ignore, ghost, block and delete him forever.

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Thank you everyone for your replies. You're right. Moving on is the right thing to do and I'm doing my best to do so but there are a few things that hinder the process.

Like I said he was my first boyfriend and it's still hard to wrap my head around the fact that it's all over. He promised me the world and then he just gave up. There was a point in time when I wanted to break up with him but he asked me not to and told me he'd rather be miserable and with me than without me. It's true that we fought a lot but I thought our issues could be fixed with a little work but he said all those fights diminished his love for me. Since he was very depressed and had a very rough childhood I was pretty protective of him and I guess I kinda justified all his mistakes. Even after breaking up he's told me that he loves me and that he'll always love me many times but I guess he just loves the idea of me and it doesn't matter as long as he doesn't wanna try. I know getting back together is not in my best interest. It's just that I really needed at least the possibility of him reaching out in the future (whether I take him back or not) for the sake of my ego, as selfish and childish as that sounds.

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Ok people like this need their family, friends, doctors and therapists, not gfs or relationships. Read up on what healthy relationships look like or talk to trusted adults or a therapist about this..

 

Never play social worker when to comes to dating, or date out of pity, duty, martyrdom or trying to fix anyone. The best person for you is someone who you feel is your equal and who is capable of mutual respect and compatibility with you.

he was my first boyfriend and it's still hard to wrap my head around the fact that it's all over.

he was very depressed and had a very rough childhood I was pretty protective of him

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Never play social worker when to comes to dating, or date out of pity, duty, martyrdom or trying to fix anyone. The best person for you is someone who you feel is your equal and who is capable of mutual respect and compatibility with you.

You're right. I guess the problem is I found out about his depression 2 years into the relationship and I was too attached. I'm trying to learn how to make healthier decisions though. Thank you so much.

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Can he find me and contact me later on if he has a change of heart now that he doesn't have my number? He doesn't have facebook or an instagram account.

 

Sure he can, especially when the well runs dry and he attempts to come up with another plan where maybe, just maybe he can win the goal of getting you between the sheets.

 

I'd raise my standards and tell this clown to take a hike. You can do better...

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Thank you everyone for your replies. You're right. Moving on is the right thing to do and I'm doing my best to do so but there are a few things that hinder the process.

Like I said he was my first boyfriend and it's still hard to wrap my head around the fact that it's all over. He promised me the world and then he just gave up. There was a point in time when I wanted to break up with him but he asked me not to and told me he'd rather be miserable and with me than without me. It's true that we fought a lot but I thought our issues could be fixed with a little work but he said all those fights diminished his love for me. Since he was very depressed and had a very rough childhood I was pretty protective of him and I guess I kinda justified all his mistakes. Even after breaking up he's told me that he loves me and that he'll always love me many times but I guess he just loves the idea of me and it doesn't matter as long as he doesn't wanna try. I know getting back together is not in my best interest. It's just that I really needed at least the possibility of him reaching out in the future (whether I take him back or not) for the sake of my ego, as selfish and childish as that sounds.

 

You're very welcome, JoHarvelle. Never feel that he is all that you deserve. You deserve the best man in your life and he is beneath zero.

 

Even though he's your first boyfriend, live and learn. You came out of this bad relationship wiser. He promised you the moon and you believed him. Chalk it up to your naivete. All was not in vain though. You've since gained eye opening wisdom. :eek:

 

He'd rather be miserable with you than without you. What a charming poet!

 

Don't "need" the possibility of reaching out in the future because there is no future with him. It's senseless and pointless.

 

Separate your ego from common sense and logic. Strip your emotion away from this equation as emotions cloud your judgment.

 

Give yourself dignity and self-respect. Be strong, smart and be in control of yourself and the situation in the most mentally healthy way. Be a survivor and move on for real.

 

To be clear, a lot of people had a rough childhood, bad beginnings yet it's not an excuse to behave badly towards other people. I have plenty of people in my life who hail from very rough backgrounds and they're mentally scarred for life. Some of them have no empathy left in their souls whatsoever and have no qualms dispensing severe cruelty onto others. While I'm compassionate towards their plight, sorry, no free passes for their despicable behaviors. I also know people who triumphed over insurmountable odds to become very decent human beings whom I admire and respect.

 

Keep in mind whether it's relationships of all kinds and friendships, love is equated with giving others habitual respect and consideration. Whenever those rules are broken, that is not what you call "love." This is the time to reevaluate and reassess the situation. If there are no changes in the right direction, it's a lost cause and time to sever the relationship otherwise you'll only spiral into a drowning, deep dark abyss.

 

Learn to survive and protect yourself permanently.

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Sure he can, especially when the well runs dry and he attempts to come up with another plan where maybe, just maybe he can win the goal of getting you between the sheets.

 

I'd raise my standards and tell this clown to take a hike. You can do better...

 

I just don't understand why he insists on having sex with me. He's very popular among girls and he can get a one night stand quite easily.

But yeah, no there's now way I would sleep with him again if he doesn't get things right.

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He has repeatedly disrespected you and only wants sex, why would you want to stay in contact?

 

The thing is he used to be good to me. He's changed a lot these past few months and is acting kinda crazy. I think he's having a rough time with his depression and everything. Plus, we were friends for 4 years before our relationship so I wanna be able to at least know if he's doing okay every once in a while.

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I just don't understand why he insists on having sex with me. He's very popular among girls and he can get a one night stand quite easily.

But yeah, no there's now way I would sleep with him again if he doesn't get things right.

 

My experience is there is no point in trying to understand a messed up person. They can want this and that for all their warped reasons but it doesn't mean you have to comply.

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Hello,

 

I felt the need to reply as I’m the same position. 8 months ago I broke up with my ex fiancée and I have found it impossible to move on. I came to realise that I deserve better and I have blocked and removed him from everything. You need to be kind to yourself x

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Ok, he has friends, family, coworkers/teachers, doctors and therapists who can keep an eye on him and help him, if he wants that. Give him space.

He's changed a lot these past few months and is acting kinda crazy. I wanna be able to at least know if he's doing okay every once in a while.
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Sure he can, especially when the well runs dry and he attempts to come up with another plan where maybe, just maybe he can win the goal of getting you between the sheets.

 

I'd raise my standards and tell this clown to take a hike. You can do better...

 

But how? If he doesn't have my number and he's not really big on social media?

Yeah, I'm not gonna sleep with him or get back together with him if he doesn't make any changes...

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I just don't understand why he insists on having sex with me. He's very popular among girls and he can get a one night stand quite easily.

 

Eh, with you, he doesn't need to make the effort. A one-night stand takes more work, in terms of going out, chatting up a stranger, running the risk she'll say no. With you, it's a sure bet. That's why he keeps coming around for sex.

 

And no, the last thing you need (for you ego or any other reason) is for him to reach out. It's keeping you from moving on. There's no future with this guy. Any sort of connection with him is going to prevent you from moving forward form this dead end. And I promise you, you will be kicking yourself if you try to stay in his life and one day find out he's got a new girlfriend. Don't fool yourself into thinking it won't happen. It will, it's just a matter of time.

 

Work on you instead. You would be wiser to try to understand why you insist on hanging on to someone who's clearly not going to give you what you hoped. He's not going to come throgh on the big promises he made. I know it's tough when it's your first love, and you have no frame of reference for how break-ups happen, but you'll get through this. Most break-ups are like that, in the sense that dumpees have a hard time understanding how it could all change and how the dumper just doesn't feel the same anymore. It takes time to accept it. But as long as you try to keep him in your life, you won't get there.

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He's very popular among girls and he can get a one night stand quite easily.

 

Yeah, but it's probably more work for him to sleep with them than it is to sleep with you--at least more than once.

 

But yeah, no there's now way I would sleep with him again if he doesn't get things right.

 

Sorry, but based on the questions you're asking here, I think that you will sleep with him again.

 

And I bet he thinks so, too.

 

He'll just make you think he's learned to "get things right."

 

For example, he may suddenly remember your number and contact you.

 

Then he'll sleep with you again and return to "getting things wrong."

 

It's like a game for him.

 

He's playing on your need to look better than "other girls."

 

Have some self respect. You're better than that. Quit competing for him. He's no prize.

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