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Thread: “Was it the distance” please read

  1. #11
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    I don't get how you looked at everything that man was and is involved in and thought "perfect relationship and family".

    But...good news is, you found everything out before you married him and had children. Or just had children.

    Bullet dodged. Your emotions will catch up with time. It'll be fine.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    What she said^

    The only thing you have to reevaluate is the direction that you're going right now.

    This is not the path to your happiness.

    Unless your idea of 'perfect' consists of chasing him around day and night like you were his mom, your relationship with this guy will never, ever, even approach perfect.

    Originally Posted by Silvlining
    He’s trying, claiming he will be sober and seek therapy. But we’re still long distance so how can I ever trust him again?
    It has nothing to do with long distance or even addiction.

    You are dealing with a complete liar who is unwilling to learn from his own mistakes.

    Your boyfriend's multiple DUIs are evidence that he doesn't care if he endangers or hurts other people, as long as he gets to do what he wants to do.

    Seriously think about that. Is that level of selfishness a character trait you want in a teammate? A father?

    If you still want to make excuses for him based on addiction, I think you should read up on codependency.

    A good place to start is Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. She describes the dynamic a lot more clearly than most sources.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Being drunk is an excuse not a reason. He is a liar and a cheater no matter the situation or sobriety.

    All cheaters claim they will stop and will try harder because they are not only lying to you but to themselves. You can do so much better than this guy why are you scraping the bottom of the barrel?

    Heck being alone is better than being with him.

    He will not stop drinking, lying and cheating. He has shown just how much he loves you so pay attention to what he has shown you, not what he says. Actions speak louder than words always.

    Cut him loose and go NC today. Forget about the imagined life and family you created in your mind with this loser and rethink what you will and will not allow in your life. This guy is a horrible partner as it is, could you imagine what a terrible father he would be?


  4. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    That was very spot on, and you are right. I cannot get it out of my head. And he even said he does not deserve me, or my forgiveness. I will spend the rest of my days wondering if and when he will cheat again.


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