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Thread: Turning it All Around

  1. #1
    Member JakeJakerson's Avatar
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    Turning it All Around

    I'm 28 and after my 4 year relationship ended, I've felt lost. I was inattentive, but she was needy and had trust issues (whole story in my other post). Now she's pregnant to another man 4 months after we broke up.

    I know there are a lot of things I need to change, things that I want to change to better myself and for myself. I want to become fit and agile, I want to stop playing so many video games, I want to stop watching porn, I want to watch less TV, I want to become a better communicator, I want to be less frustrated and irritable, I want to learn new things, and I want to learn how to balance my time to include those I love and care for.

    Yes, this all stems from my previous relationship, but I am not doing it for my ex seeing that she has moved on and now has an unplanned pregnancy. I want to be a better, more well-rounded person for myself and the next relationship I go into. I don't know what i need to change exactly, i just know that I've never been the dumper and want to change something, if not many things about myself to be successful. However, I don't know where to start.

    I'm just tired of feeling like I'm missing out on a lot of things due to the way I decide to spend my time...
    Last edited by JakeJakerson; 04-29-2020 at 02:06 PM. Reason: Title misspelling

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Start with getting an evaluation from a physician to rule out physical, mood, metabolic etc issues and get a referral to a therapist for ongoing therapy. Don't go it alone, get help. If you could have done it alone you would have.

    Enlist the help of friends family coworkers etc to start doing things that are more in line with healthier living. join groups clubs etc that engage in healthier smarter pursuits (online for now). Take online classes and courses that interest you or enhance your career.
    Originally Posted by JakeJakerson
    I want to become fit and agile,
    I want to stop playing so many video games,
    I want to stop watching porn,
    I want to watch less TV,
    I want to become a better communicator,
    I want to be less frustrated and irritable,
    I want to learn new things
    I want to learn how to balance my time to include those I love and care for.
    I want to be a better, more well-rounded person for myself and the next relationship I go into.

  3. #3
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    No better time than the present.

    It is difficult with the pandemic, but you can get outside and walk or run. You can also make better eating choices.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Start with fitness. Also, rather than doing the same old join gym, get membership, go a few times, hate it, quit going.....find something physical you actually have fun doing - try different things, different sports until you find something that clicks for you personally. That alone will automatically take you away from video games and tv. Cooking healthy meals for yourself - ditto. These two things alone likely will have a significant affect on your moods as well.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Start with fitness. Also, rather than doing the same old join gym, get membership, go a few times, hate it, quit going.....find something physical you actually have fun doing - try different things, different sports until you find something that clicks for you personally. That alone will automatically take you away from video games and tv. Cooking healthy meals for yourself - ditto. These two things alone likely will have a significant affect on your moods as well.
    I second this. I also highly recommend getting involved in community theater back stage -volunteering.

  7. #6
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    Just start with one thing every day.
    Go out for a walk one day.
    Then cancel one of your streaming services one day.
    Look up online what looks like an interesting book and order it one day.
    Some libraries have free eBook rental - you can rent them on their website
    Call your Grandma (if she is alive) one day
    try to do one thing every day to meet your goal.
    start small. you can do it!

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I second this. I also highly recommend getting involved in community theater back stage -volunteering.
    agree!

    Right now, due to social distancing, i would read books to little nieces and nephews on facetime if there are little kids in the family and see if any groups need help delivering meals to seniors (dropping on the porch) that are shut in or need help at the food pantry.

  9. #8
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    I like what everyone said here and you should consider trying all of them out. And it is great that you have decided to improve things in your life. You make a lot of sense and obviously on the right track. I just want to add that sometimes people who are fired up set very high goals and they can get disappointed when they donít reach it. So, start low and modest and when you make it, then take it to the next level. Starting with fitness is great. May I add that habits and things that you do feed on each other. Like too much video games and too much tv can prevent you from doing exercises and eating good food. Eating healthy food gives you energy, makes you less irritable, and boosts your brainís health. Being active helps there too as well as volunteering and doing things for others. You know your goal now, so you can start on each area. I think cutting porn altogether and lessening or totally cutting off video games will help you a lot. I cannot advise you to totally cut off tv time because I honestly have not. I still watch an hour to two a day but I have stayed away from the news because it is frustrating to figure out which part is true and which part is not. I watch a lot of documentaries in Netflix to help me mentally, as well as for entertainment. You are still young at 28 and a bright future ahead of you. Have a good day and enjoy every moment of your new life.

  10. #9
    Member JakeJakerson's Avatar
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    Thank you all for your replies. I don't want to quote a lot so I'll just summarize. I am in school and will be finishing up this May. I was working out for a few months but since I've moved, my motivation has plummeted due to the adjustment and new findings of infidelity (my own, talking to a perceived threat when agreeing not to, and my ex's, talking to someone who gave her the attention she required while we were together and then moving on to him). I'm doing my best to bounce back and finish school, there is just so much I'm unsure of anymore.

    I've never understood the premise behind sports and find myself wondering if I should try to get involved. I've never understood the concept of wanting to be around a large group of people to cheer for a team, or even going to the club around a bunch of dancing drunks. I don't understand what it takes to make and keep a connection without having these social concepts apart of myself. I want to make time for the people I care for when it matters most but I don't want it to be forced. I feel like I'm boring and am unsure of so much right now.

  11. #10
    Member JakeJakerson's Avatar
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    Gaming was a large part of my life and it ultimately feels like it is what held me back in many aspects of my life. I played sports but hated standing out in the field for baseball and getting my junk handled in wrestling. Everything seems so foreign to me anymore social wise that I'm unsure of who I am anymore. It feels like I've lost my identity and am trying to build a brand new version of myself without a path to build on. It makes me miss my relationship because I at least had a path of having a family and a job to support it. It is debilitating.

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