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How do I tell this guy this isn't going to work


EmDub

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I really like this guy and he likes me and we've been talking for about a month but haven't been able to hangout because of corona virus. We hangout once before in a group setting with some of my friends and that's how we met but it's never been just us two. But over time I've realized that there's a few things about him that make it so that nothing would really work out between us. I think he's really nice and I don't want to ruin our friendship but I don't know how to tell him that I don't want anything to happen between us without messing things up. The problem is I have liked him and still do like him so I've kind of lead him on, not on purpose because I thought something could actually workout but now I don't know what to do. How should I tell him without messing things up?

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Assuming when you mean 'mess it up' you'd still like to continue to talk to him and be his friend?

All you can do is be honest. Tell him that you've given it some thought and though you really enjoy his friendship, you don't see a romantic relationship coming out of this.

The rest is his choice and you need to respect that and give him the right to make that choice.

He may agree to be your friend.

After all you two have even met yet.

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I mean .... just be honest that you are only feeling a friendly vibe and nothing else and let the chips fall where they may. You can't control how he responds to that and you most definitely don't want to keep leading him on. He might be feeling same or he might walk away.

 

In other words, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Sorry.

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I'm not really interested in anyone else and I really like him. The few things are just that I think he just wants it for the sex not an actual relationship and also he does a lot of drugs, but I don't know how to tell him that those are the things that bother me without coming off as rude or judgmental.

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I'm not really interested in anyone else and I really like him. The few things are just that I think he just wants it for the sex not an actual relationship and also he does a lot of drugs, but I don't know how to tell him that those are the things that bother me without coming off as rude or judgmental.

 

If that's the case, why do you even want to keep talking to him at all? Drop him and find better quality people to hang out with. Whether friendships or relationships, it takes time and energy out of your life to build something with a person, so don't waste your time on bad investments.

 

Also, you do not explain to a stranger you never even met why you decided to walk away. A simple "this isn't going to work for me" is enough. You owe him nothing at this point.

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I'm not really interested in anyone else and I really like him. The few things are just that I think he just wants it for the sex not an actual relationship and also he does a lot of drugs, but I don't know how to tell him that those are the things that bother me without coming off as rude or judgmental.

 

Wow. . I don't know why this is difficult.

You two are clearly not on the same page and given the reasons, if you believe in your own values and self worth it should be fairly easy to say that this is a clear no-go.

 

Just tell him you don't think you are the girl for him. But you really enjoy talking to him and would like that to continue

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I think he just wants it for the sex not an actual relationship and also he does a lot of drugs

 

Why not raise the bar and choose people as friends who share your ethics and who enjoy their leisure time without the use of narcotics? Why put yourself at risk of being caught by law enforcement? If he is busted in your presence and you know he's in possession of drugs, you could be charged as well.

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I'm not really interested in anyone else and I really like him. The few things are just that I think he just wants it for the sex not an actual relationship and also he does a lot of drugs, but I don't know how to tell him that those are the things that bother me without coming off as rude or judgmental.
Ahh, the promise of any hopeful friendship.
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You do not have to communicate with anyone who does drugs or asks for no strings sex. Get your self respect together and tell him your busy, can't talk etc. Friends and/or dating is not social work. Peer pressure should not dictate who your friends are when they have reprehensible behaviors and attitudes.

 

"Judgmental" is a nonsense term in this context. Good judgement is not. You do not have to date or be friends with anyone to look PC or be desperate to be liked. You do not have to entertain creeps. Good boundaries are as important as good judgement. Learn this early on and employ it often.

The few things are just that I think he just wants it for the sex not an actual relationship and also he does a lot of drugs, but I don't know how to tell him that those are the things that bother me without coming off as rude or judgmental.
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Be up front, forthright and honest. Tell him the truth. The truth hurts as no one in their right mind enjoys feeling rejected and dumped. This is human nature. However, the "kindest" cut is to tell him the honest truth. Be prepared though. He may not want to be "just friends" after you tell him that it isn't going to work between you two. It will be your turn to feel rejected and dumped should he part ways from you permanently. It will be his natural response. You can't have everything in life.

 

A lot of times if a relationship will not be in the future, a man or woman won't see the point to continue corresponding with you anymore. To them, it's really over and a done deal. It's universal.

 

There is no easy way to go about this. Get it over and done with. Many times people have to go through a lot of people and be the bearer of bad news for breakups before they find "thee one" to settle down with.

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I'm not really interested in anyone else and I really like him. The few things are just that I think he just wants it for the sex not an actual relationship and also he does a lot of drugs, but I don't know how to tell him that those are the things that bother me without coming off as rude or judgmental.

 

Well, why not just say "i think you are cute, but I can't start a relationship with someone who uses drugs." Just tell the truth.

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Agreed with "NEXT him." Feel free to mention the drugs, but more often than not, mentioning a specific discrepancy solicits further unnecessary exchange. You don't feel you're compatible, and that stands on its own merits without any further qualification.

 

But there are much better ways to make friends than to meet people on dating sites and dangle carrots.

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Agreed with "NEXT him." Feel free to mention the drugs, but more often than not, mentioning a specific discrepancy solicits further unnecessary exchange. You don't feel you're compatible, and that stands on its own merits without any further qualification.

 

But there are much better ways to make friends than to meet people on dating sites and dangle carrots.

 

True. he a say "well, no i dont"

 

This corona distancing will help you. YOu can deliberately be not so quick to answer texts from him and can decline plans because you cannot make any

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