Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Not sure about my ex's response.

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    19

    Not sure about my ex's response.

    About two and a half years ago I broke up my ex after I moved back to England from Spain in order to do a graduate course. It was a very intense and serious relationship, but we realised that we couldn't stay together with years apart and we were going in completely different directions. The break up was really amicable. We carried on talking until I realised I wasn't moving on and I asked to stop talking regularly. I got into a relationship a few months later and we are still together and happy. My ex has still kept in touch with me and I have always responded as we were very close and I still care a lot for her. However, I've been pretty clear I am only interested in friendship. A couple of weeks ago, she got in touch to ask how I was and also if I could do her a favour as she had come across the belongings of someone I used to be friends with. I sent her a message saying I couldn't as we were no longer in touch and asked her how everything was. She never responded. In addition she suddenly stopped commenting on my social media. It's not like she's busy as we're both in quarantine. I don't really understand her behaviour and I don't get why she's blanking me. I feel like I've annoyed her and I don't know why.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,842
    Gender
    Female
    Sounds like she is moving on. This quasi-friendship has basically run its course. It's as simple as that.

    The only thing you both did wrong is to carry on like you have been, keeping that torch alive. It's not fair to your gf, to be honest as you are not fully invested in your existing relationship, while still worrying about your ex to this degree. Let it go already. It's long past due.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    2,714
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Sounds like she is moving on. This quasi-friendship has basically run its course. It's as simple as that.

    The only thing you both did wrong is to carry on like you have been, keeping that torch alive. It's not fair to your gf, to be honest as you are not fully invested in your existing relationship, while still worrying about your ex to this degree. Let it go already. It's long past due.
    I completely agree... time to let it go. You were never truly friends and good for her. Be happy you both have moved on.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,176
    Gender
    Male
    What was the favor? Sounds like the time has come for both of you to focus on the present, not the past.
    Originally Posted by teachertalk21
    A couple of weeks ago, she got in touch to ask how I was and also if I could do her a favour as she had come across the belongings of someone I used to be friends with. I sent her a message saying I couldn't as we were no longer in touch and asked her how everything was. She never responded.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,212
    Gender
    Female
    My ex has still kept in touch with me and I have always responded as we were very close and I still care a lot for her. Could you say this to your girlfriend? If not, you're crossing relationship boundaries. There are some couples who are okay with this behavior, but I don't know if you and your gf are on total agreement with one or both of you communicating with exes. If not, why risk sabotaging something happy you have now for someone who is now in your past, or who probably should be.

    I don't really get what people get out of staying in touch with exes. I have no desire to. I'd rather invest what little time and emotional energy into people who I regularly get together with, in my present life. As far as friends who stop putting effort into me, I stop putting effort into them. I really don't feel a need to discuss their reasons. Their actions say it all to me, and I know that friendships often evolve, either growing or fading or totally ending. It's a common thing I accept.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,409
    She's probably talking to another guy now.

    It's time to leave her in your past. You haven't exactly done so yet if her silence now is bothering you. Take this as the sign that you really need to cut the cord, too.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,308
    Leave her alone for yourself and out of respect and consideration for your new, current relationship. Enforce healthy boundaries. Have respect and integrity.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    13,974
    Originally Posted by teachertalk21
    About two and a half years ago I broke up my ex after I moved back to England from Spain in order to do a graduate course. It was a very intense and serious relationship, but we realised that we couldn't stay together with years apart and we were going in completely different directions. The break up was really amicable. We carried on talking until I realised I wasn't moving on and I asked to stop talking regularly. I got into a relationship a few months later and we are still together and happy. My ex has still kept in touch with me and I have always responded as we were very close and I still care a lot for her. However, I've been pretty clear I am only interested in friendship. A couple of weeks ago, she got in touch to ask how I was and also if I could do her a favour as she had come across the belongings of someone I used to be friends with. I sent her a message saying I couldn't as we were no longer in touch and asked her how everything was. She never responded. In addition she suddenly stopped commenting on my social media. It's not like she's busy as we're both in quarantine. I don't really understand her behaviour and I don't get why she's blanking me. I feel like I've annoyed her and I don't know why.
    Does your girlfriend know about your strong attachment to this ex?

    If so, have you minimized your attachment? Does your girlfriend know you're upset about your ex not responding to you?

    Yep, you are upset.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,017
    Gender
    Female
    I think your ex is upset that you have someone else now and she wants to go no contact so she can move on and find someone else too. I think you should allow her to do it.


Videos


Most Women Rather Not Date Unemployed Men

Why Young People Don't Rush To Marry? They Fear Divorce

Why People Lie On Online Dating Services?

Relationships During Quarantine

Cheating Husbands Are at Risk of a Heart Attack

Romance At Work: Yes Or No?
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •