Not sure about my ex's response.

About two and a half years ago I broke up my ex after I moved back to England from Spain in order to do a graduate course. It was a very intense and serious relationship, but we realised that we couldn't stay together with years apart and we were going in completely different directions. The break up was really amicable. We carried on talking until I realised I wasn't moving on and I asked to stop talking regularly. I got into a relationship a few months later and we are still together and happy. My ex has still kept in touch with me and I have always responded as we were very close and I still care a lot for her. However, I've been pretty clear I am only interested in friendship. A couple of weeks ago, she got in touch to ask how I was and also if I could do her a favour as she had come across the belongings of someone I used to be friends with. I sent her a message saying I couldn't as we were no longer in touch and asked her how everything was. She never responded. In addition she suddenly stopped commenting on my social media. It's not like she's busy as we're both in quarantine. I don't really understand her behaviour and I don't get why she's blanking me. I feel like I've annoyed her and I don't know why.

Sounds like she is moving on. This quasi-friendship has basically run its course. It's as simple as that.

The only thing you both did wrong is to carry on like you have been, keeping that torch alive. It's not fair to your gf, to be honest as you are not fully invested in your existing relationship, while still worrying about your ex to this degree. Let it go already. It's long past due.

Sounds like she is moving on. This quasi-friendship has basically run its course. It's as simple as that.

 

The only thing you both did wrong is to carry on like you have been, keeping that torch alive. It's not fair to your gf, to be honest as you are not fully invested in your existing relationship, while still worrying about your ex to this degree. Let it go already. It's long past due.

What was the favor? Sounds like the time has come for both of you to focus on the present, not the past.

A couple of weeks ago, she got in touch to ask how I was and also if I could do her a favour as she had come across the belongings of someone I used to be friends with. I sent her a message saying I couldn't as we were no longer in touch and asked her how everything was. She never responded.

My ex has still kept in touch with me and I have always responded as we were very close and I still care a lot for her. Could you say this to your girlfriend? If not, you're crossing relationship boundaries. There are some couples who are okay with this behavior, but I don't know if you and your gf are on total agreement with one or both of you communicating with exes. If not, why risk sabotaging something happy you have now for someone who is now in your past, or who probably should be.

I don't really get what people get out of staying in touch with exes. I have no desire to. I'd rather invest what little time and emotional energy into people who I regularly get together with, in my present life. As far as friends who stop putting effort into me, I stop putting effort into them. I really don't feel a need to discuss their reasons. Their actions say it all to me, and I know that friendships often evolve, either growing or fading or totally ending. It's a common thing I accept.

She's probably talking to another guy now.

It's time to leave her in your past. You haven't exactly done so yet if her silence now is bothering you. Take this as the sign that you really need to cut the cord, too.

Leave her alone for yourself and out of respect and consideration for your new, current relationship. Enforce healthy boundaries. Have respect and integrity.

About two and a half years ago I broke up my ex after I moved back to England from Spain in order to do a graduate course. It was a very intense and serious relationship, but we realised that we couldn't stay together with years apart and we were going in completely different directions. The break up was really amicable. We carried on talking until I realised I wasn't moving on and I asked to stop talking regularly. I got into a relationship a few months later and we are still together and happy. My ex has still kept in touch with me and I have always responded as we were very close and I still care a lot for her. However, I've been pretty clear I am only interested in friendship. A couple of weeks ago, she got in touch to ask how I was and also if I could do her a favour as she had come across the belongings of someone I used to be friends with. I sent her a message saying I couldn't as we were no longer in touch and asked her how everything was. She never responded. In addition she suddenly stopped commenting on my social media. It's not like she's busy as we're both in quarantine. I don't really understand her behaviour and I don't get why she's blanking me. I feel like I've annoyed her and I don't know why.

Does your girlfriend know about your strong attachment to this ex?

If so, have you minimized your attachment? Does your girlfriend know you're upset about your ex not responding to you?

Yep, you are upset.

I think your ex is upset that you have someone else now and she wants to go no contact so she can move on and find someone else too. I think you should allow her to do it.