Need Advice ...

Highschool sweetheart and I broke up 12 years ago . Got married , had kids and didn’t contact one another all these years. Recently he reached out to me , and we saw each other . We broke up 12 years ago because he cheated on me and broke my heart. I couldn’t trust him , so I decided moving on was best. However I never stopped loving him. He always tried to get in touch with me , but I couldn’t come to forgiving him.

Now he is married with kids , so am I. Made the huge mistake of seeing him . At first he said if we weren’t happy in our marriages , we should give us a try again and be happy . Because he knows he will never find someone like me , or stop being in love with me.

We’ve been seeing eachother ; and having an affair . I was ready to leave my marriage for him , but recently he has been telling me is best we wait till the kids are older , because he doesn’t want to legar them now that they are so little. He says he isn’t in love with his wife and he wouldn’t be with me if he was happy with her ...?

He shows me he loves me , but then there are times I feel like he is with her because he loves her too ...?

But truly I don’t know what to think ? I also don’t want to do this ; and feel used. I am in love with him , but want to give us a shot without spouses involved.

Not just have eachother on the side.

I know is a bad situation ; please no judgement , just want some advice.

So he is a cheater, AGAIN. I don’t see what there is to love. What about your husband and kids?

Yea , he is cheating on his wife . I’m guilty too. I love my kids . ADORE them . They are my life. I feel guilty , my husband isn’t a bad guy. But I just feel like I fell in love 12 years ago , and the feelings have come back :(

I just feel like I am being fooled .... if you truly want to be happy I feel like you would do anything. But now he says his kids are way too small and he can’t do that to them. He tells me he needs time , and for me to support him thru this .....?

You'll lose him the same way you got him.

What is so special about this guy?

He cheated on you before, he's cheating on his wife now and he's back peddling about ever being together.

Have some self respect.

He is a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. All cheaters tell lies , to themselves and everyone else.

Guess I believe him when he tells me I am the love of his life. That he has never forgotten me ... I truly did fall in love with him , and feel like I’ve settled ever since. But him not wanting a life with me now ; and telling me he has no time frame and his kids need him , Makes me feel like he is lying to me.

His kids DO need him. He can’t kick his kids to the curb for you. Are you ready to kick your kids to the curb? If no, don’t ask another parent to do that.

Of course I wouldn’t kick my kids to the curb. Same way I don’t expect him to. Yet I feel like you can always be there for your kids , but be happy if you’re not in love with your current spouse. Maybe I am wrong

Of course I wouldn’t kick my kids to the curb. Same way I don’t expect him to. Yet I feel like you can always be there for your kids , but be happy if you’re not in love with your current spouse. Maybe I am wrong

Why did you marry your husband if you didn’t love him and then have kids with someone you don’t love ?

I do love my husband. But I thought I could find in my marriage what I had when I fell in love with my ex , and I didn’t.

I know I screwed up , I know this is all my fault. Don’t need to be judged ... just trying to figure things out , and get some advice ...

Well, you won’t be happy cheating with a cheater. Tell your husband and let him decided what he wants. He needs to know for his sexual health.

You wnt advice? Stop seeing this guy. Stop communicating with him. Block and delete him from your phone any any soical media. He is married, so are you. Children are involved. Personally I think he's feeding you a line about how he cant leave his wife and kids right now, blah blah blah.

This is not judgment, but reality.

He is playing you for a fool, again! He does not love you!

Terrible what you are doing to your husband and kids. You're setting a great example.

Leave your husband. He deserves much better.

You should also get tested. Don't believe it is just you and the wife.

This guy is selfish and he has demonstrated this again and again. If he was not happy, he should have sought marriage counselling and if it didn't work then divorce BEFORE finding another woman NOT contact an old flame and start an affair. He has consistently demonstrated a lack of personal values and disregard on things like commitment/honoring trust/not hurting others. He has consistently demonstrated that he chooses the easy way out of difficult situations instead of the honorable one. Your mistake is in thinking that he will treat you any better than other women in his life. Past behavior is indication of future behavior. Even if you two got together, he has shown you that he would be liable to abandon/break your trust, just as he did to you in the past/ just as he did to his wife/just as he is doing it to you again, if he ever got "unhappy" i.e. if things got tough. Yet, life IS tough and this guy doesn't know how to handle it with integrity.

Your mistake is that you gave a second chance to someone who had cheated on you even though you saw him doing it a second time, to his wife this time. Your mistake is in refusing to acknowledge the cheating nature of this guy and refusing to see that it is a part of who he is regardless of the woman on his side. Imo, your best way out of this mess would be to break up with him and seek personal counseling to address the issues that made you overlook his lack of integrity. He is not the same person you remember. The person you remember changed. He ceased to exist 12 years ago and you need at last to acknowledge and accept that loss.

Your husband will find out and most likely divorce you. You will get half custody of your kids if you live in a fault state. They will find out you had an affair.

Then you will be alone while affair guy stays with his wife. He'll be with her and his family on holidays and weekends while you spend half of them alone.

Sound good so far?

End this affair before you lose everything that matters.

My advice would be to talk to your husband.

Come clean about your affair that you will hopefully have ended.

This guy broke your heart by cheating on you 12 years ago.

Now you are breaking your husbands.

Please realise that you ARE being made a fool of AGAIN.

This guy is using his kids as an excuse to maintain in his marital home , with a wife that loves him , kids that love him , playing happy family while allowing him to have his cake and eat it.

You are facilitating that.

Good luck!

Please, tell BS, he needs to be tested for STDs and STIs. File for D now and be generous in the D so not to continue to traumatise you husband. Seek legal advice, joint 50-50 custody. Let hubby have generous access to the children, while you move out and set up home for your new man. After all he will leave his wife, just in a few years. Better now that later, OMM may find another true love.

D hubby now so he can find a true woman who will love and support him and your children. The hassle being that they will call your husband’s new partner mum for 50% of their life. But you new this when you made the conscious decision to rewrite the marriage. If caught in the A it will be a bitter and twisted fight traumatising hubby and you children who you profess to love the most.

Sorry for being blunt. But if the roles were reversed you would despise hubby if you caught him cheating.

One day at a time

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I think you should not cheat on husband. It is better to make "bright colors" in the relationship with husband

Please, tell BS, he needs to be tested for STDs and STIs. File for D now and be generous in the D so not to continue to traumatise you husband. Seek legal advice, joint 50-50 custody. Let hubby have generous access to the children, while you move out and set up home for your new man. After all he will leave his wife, just in a few years. Better now that later, OMM may find another true love.

D hubby now so he can find a true woman who will love and support him and your children. The hassle being that they will call your husband’s new partner mum for 50% of their life. But you new this when you made the conscious decision to rewrite the marriage. If caught in the A it will be a bitter and twisted fight traumatising hubby and you children who you profess to love the most.

Sorry for being blunt. But if the roles were reversed you would despise hubby if you caught him cheating.

One day at a time

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I don't think he has any intention of ever leaving his wife for her. He doesn't care about her, the kids are an excuse. She is one of many that he has done this to. The exception with the OP, is she will be cheated on twice by this guy.

I don't know what you realistically think will come out of this. You say you were heartbroken the first time he cheated on you and yet your prepared to put your husband and his wife through the same nightmare. How can you build a solid foundation of trust and a future with this guy after he cheated on you in the first place and now retrospectively is doing the same. It's hard to offer advice without some elements of judgement. If you were advising a friend in your situation you would say the same. Your being taken for a mug and he's never going to change. The overwhelming advice is to put an end to it, its selfish and hurtful for the innocent partners, your husband & his wife. You've been there so stop doing the same to them.

Guess I believe him when he tells me I am the love of his life.

Noone cheats on the love of their life. Think about it. If he was able to cheat on you then de facto NO you were NOT the love of his life or he is a seriously messed up individual. Neither scenario ends well for you. You need to take him off the pedestal. The truth is in his actions. Should you continue the affair, you are making the informed choice to facilitate a cheater.

Affairs usually end very badly with a lot of collateral damage. Think long and hard as to why you want to step outside your marriage.

Guess I believe him when he tells me I am the love of his life. That he has never forgotten me ... I truly did fall in love with him , and feel like I’ve settled ever since. But him not wanting a life with me now ; and telling me he has no time frame and his kids need him , Makes me feel like he is lying to me.

I think that people use statements like love of my life, never forgotten, to manipulate and string people along. Cheaters are by nature selfish pos. They know that weak people fall for these rather meaningless statements.

His ego got the boost, he got you to cheat on your husband, and he probably really likes the sex. I'd be thinking about how many other women he is sleeping with.

The amazing part is, if this were happening to your friend, you would see it so clearly.

Unfortunately, his words and the affair filled desires, fears, doubt, lack within you that were already there because of you.

1. the man who hurt and cheated on you now finally sees your worth. you ARE the love his life. Whew! you knew it all along.

2. Being married and having a couple kids, life has settled in to a routine. Its not what you hoped your life would be. How exciting to have this affair. You're husband is chopped liver

3. Sadly, this is all because, you don't value yourself. A person that values herself doesn't need an outside source to feed their ego and or make life exciting. Two men claim to love you, you are married, have beautiful children, but still you're empty inside.

All those sweet nothing's, are just that. nothing, little tid bits aka bread crumbs to string you along and essentially ruin your life again.

If I were you:

1. Take the power back and lead your own life instead being a victim that has no control over her own life.

2. I would end things with this guy. He is not the love of your life. You are being manipulated and used. Love does not string you along or jerk you around. 12 years has taught this man NOTHING.

3. If you don't want to be with your husband, leave him.

4. Focus on your kids while loving and healing yourself so that you can make better choices and not be so needy for love in the future.

Thats really what this comes down to, you're so empty, you allowed this to happen. And now you have to clean it up. Find your moral compass and do better for yourself and your children.

His wife actually has been suspicious, and now she follows him on his phone and gps and tracks him down.... he admitted to her he had an affair long ago ( instead of saying anything about us ) . She forgave him for it , as long as she could track him and have access to his phone.

Yet he still wants to keep seeing me , which I’ve already told him is insane.

His wife actually has been suspicious, and now she follows him on his phone and gps and tracks him down.... he admitted to her he had an affair long ago ( instead of saying anything about us ) . She forgave him for it , as long as she could track him and have access to his phone.

 

Yet he still wants to keep seeing me , which I’ve already told him is insane.

If this was happening to your daughter what would you say?