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Thread: Just Want OUT, i guess...?

  1. #1

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    Just Want OUT, i guess...?

    Hello Everyone,
    I always have one of these moments when i had enough. When i am not myself anymore, especially when i am crying alone, i feel like nobody is getting me nobody reached out even now in these abnormal covid-19 situation.
    In these times when i find myself utterly alone, i think again of all those people i know and i am in need of their help, of them to listen. But nobody is there. For that reason, i just think to myself "just end it, they're useless".
    and that's what i am asking : 1 - Should i end these friendships (almost all of them) ?
    2 - Is considering ending a friendship means that the friendship is already dead ?
    3 - Or maybe the problem is in me because i haven't opened up much..?

    and thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Have you reached out to any of your friends?

  3. #3
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    The loneliness factor is real in this bizarre time. Personally, I vote for “space and grace.” Just giving everyone a little extra understanding and cushion against rash actions during these stressful times.

    Glad you found this place. I have no idea what your situation really is based on a few sentences but I can tell you’re hurting right now. I hope you take a chance and make yourself vulnerable by following bolt’s advice above and picking up the phone to tell a friend “I need a friend rn”

    Good luck!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    In this situation, learn to forgive but the word "forgive" doesn't mean condone nor forget. Everyone (or at least most people) are in the same boat with self-quarantining, lock down and hunkering down at home.

    I'm in a similar situation. Local relatives haven't been reaching out nor calling me either but I'm ok. Everyone is merely trying to survive daily, get food, work from home if they haven't lost their jobs and avoiding people because no one wants to catch COVID-19.

    My husband calls his local parents periodically yet I've heard nary a word from my local siblings and mother.

    You either treat people exactly the same way they treat you with indifference and apathy or take the first step and reach out to them instead of waiting for someone to make the first move.

    As for my siblings and mother, no news is good news so we both leave each other alone.

    A close friend reached out to me a few times but both of us faded away over the course of several weeks. None of us harbor any bitterness either. Everyone is very busy.

    Whenever I crave other people in my life, I have my pity pot. Then I start getting busy with my own life with whatever it may be such as exercise, hobbies, crafts, cooking, decluttering, housecleaning or whatever I can think of that is productive and industrious.

    I feel sad, depressed, bitter and resentful whenever I have too much time on my hands. Then when I become busy, I don't have time to dwell on other people because I'm too busy taking care of myself first and foremost.

    Online shopping helps me immensely! Instead of doing things for other people, suddenly I have more money to splurge on myself. Look at the upside!

    There are times when friendships are way overrated. Sure, I have a few very close friends. However, for the most part, I splurge on some clothes, shoes, cosmetics, jewelry and handbags. I am a girlie-girl. Take advantage of the situation as I have and you won't feel as if you're missing out on anything.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member ChellyV's Avatar
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    This crazy situation we are in now do propel you to a place of doubt sometimes, do people care about me, if yes why are they not reaching out? I text them anyway! Mostly gibberish but always in a happy tone. :-) I do not feel like doing that everyday, but I reach out to make it known that I am still alive. Some respond, some do not. For those who do not, what can I do? Last weekend, I allowed myself to grieve over the realization that, they simply do not want that type of contact. When this Shelter In Place is done, you kind of have a good grasp of who will really be there for you.

    How about family? Whatever happens, reach out. Never mind if it is always you, just reach out.

  7. #6
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    Confessional: in the beginning of this pandemic I reached out to several of my friends first. Turns out they have a lot on their plate as well and they were very thankful that I connected with them. I was even able to mend a little some past friendships that had gone sideways.

    I'm sharing this with you, because I want to encourage you to reach out to your friends! Tell them how you feel. I don't know your situation, but during this time I agree with Skeptic that it's good to be extra understanding towards others.

    You are not alone. We are here for you. xx

  8. #7
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    Have you contacted them?

  9. #8

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    Well, thank you everybody for answering. Sorry if i took a lot of time i just needed some time off the internet, just reading books and being with my family, i couldn't have been better. It's really great.
    Before yeah i tried to reach out several times, sometimes give hints (which they totally ignore) of directly and then they say "Well it's gonna be fine". I know that everyone has their own problems to face and deal with, and i know that i am always waiting for someone to save me (no clue why!!!) and maybe the idea of being lonely terrifies me honestly, even though i am always alone but the idea of having literally no one to rely on or to understand your pain is really painful too.
    And it's not the first time i ended a friendship, to be frank whenever i think that friend is useless to me or he's no help i just drop him out of my list, and to be more honest it feels better to get rid of those people who might just be a burden. Because i always reach out i always call i am the one who intiates and the one to listen to all of their drama but do they wanna listen to mine (i don't think so).
    That's why i decided from now on that, obviously i am gonna take more time off social media, just to myself and it's not like i got anything to do in this Pandemic and figure out what's important and like you exactly said "The cause of the pain is NEVER the cure for the pain.". 'cause what's happening to me now is a scream for change even within me that this is a dead end and i need to find another road. I admit the idea is just terrifying and it won't be easy but as they say acknowledging the problem is the first step to finding a solution.
    With that being said, what's only left for now is to thank you for listening and answering, it was really halpful and i wish you're in good health. you and your families

  10. #9
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    Good to hear from you, tryme and to know that you are well! To be honest, I think that this quarantine has magnified feelings of loneliness, anxiety, etc. I tend to over-think things as well, so if you're anything like me, unnecessary thoughts pop into your head. My recommendation to you is to keep busy! That helps heaps!

    By the way, social media does not portray people's life's realistically. A lot of the stuff over there is curated to ensure that everyone is seen in the best light possible.

    Also, posting on this board is a great way to engage with people, so feel free to stick around enotalone. Since you're into reading you might want to check out the book section ("Book Talk") around here.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by tryme
    Well, thank you everybody for answering. Sorry if i took a lot of time i just needed some time off the internet, just reading books and being with my family, i couldn't have been better. It's really great.
    Before yeah i tried to reach out several times, sometimes give hints (which they totally ignore) of directly and then they say "Well it's gonna be fine". I know that everyone has their own problems to face and deal with, and i know that i am always waiting for someone to save me (no clue why!!!) and maybe the idea of being lonely terrifies me honestly, even though i am always alone but the idea of having literally no one to rely on or to understand your pain is really painful too.
    And it's not the first time i ended a friendship, to be frank whenever i think that friend is useless to me or he's no help i just drop him out of my list, and to be more honest it feels better to get rid of those people who might just be a burden. Because i always reach out i always call i am the one who intiates and the one to listen to all of their drama but do they wanna listen to mine (i don't think so).
    That's why i decided from now on that, obviously i am gonna take more time off social media, just to myself and it's not like i got anything to do in this Pandemic and figure out what's important and like you exactly said "The cause of the pain is NEVER the cure for the pain.". 'cause what's happening to me now is a scream for change even within me that this is a dead end and i need to find another road. I admit the idea is just terrifying and it won't be easy but as they say acknowledging the problem is the first step to finding a solution.
    With that being said, what's only left for now is to thank you for listening and answering, it was really halpful and i wish you're in good health. you and your families
    Just be careful that you don't have the expectation that a friend i someone who's supposed to "save" you and is not supposed to be primarily for you to "rely" on in an overly needy way. Rely -to show up for a planned get together, to call you when she says she will barring some sort of emergency -sure, for the most part. But it's not supposed to be just to share drama or vent. There's that aspect but a huge aspect is shared laughter, shared anecdotes, getting each other whether in good times or not so good times. People get tired really fast of drama queens/constant venting//pity parties. For good reason.


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