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Thread: Is this cheating? Drunk kiss?

  1. #1

    Is this cheating? Drunk kiss?

    About two months ago, I had a house party with a couple of friends including my Fiancé. Everyone got super drunk that night including myself. That night, my guy friend Max (let’s just give this friend a random name), who is also my fiancé best friend, had just recently broken up with his girlfriend earlier that day. While the night is super blurry for me, I do remember certain parts of it. However, my fiancé who was super drunk fell asleep and everyone else was awake and socializing. Our friend max and I were just talking about something (kind of a blurry conversation) but I remember he pulled me in and kissed me unexpectedly. I did pull away and I remember him say, “we can’t tell anyone”. And then I remember walking away to the living room to be with everyone else and I fell asleep. Also, this story seems very choppy since I blacked out and can only remember certain parts of the night. I know for sure I didn’t sleep with him or anything but I do remember him kissing me out of no where.

    *** Max is someone I have never liked and from what I know, I’ve never heard of him having feelings for me in the past. I’m super confused on why he would drunk kiss me but most of all, I am wondering if I should let it go considering I don’t think our friend Max remembers what he did (he never brought it up) and he is also my groomsmen for the wedding. OR tell my fiancé what I remember from that night? I just don’t know what to do because it could ruin their friendship and idk how my fiancé will handle it. Is this considered cheating? (If someone kissed you while intoxicated). How do I go about with this situation? I can’t stop thinking about this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Any technical definition of cheating is pretty irrelevant. If you want to harm your relationship with your fiancé, then go ahead and tell him. But ask yourself what this would buy you: years of hell, and for what?

    Confessions are never about the false banner of 'honesty' that people hide behind. They dump toxic waste onto the listener knowing full well that the listener can do nothing about it but feel hurt and angry. Unless you want to manipulate your fiancé out of marrying you, it makes no sense to discuss it with him.

    For all you know, the friend has set you up to ruin your wedding, because it's not him with the high stakes to lose.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    The key word here is "drunk." You clearly have not much of an idea of what happened that night because you drank way too much. Perhaps you need to learn to control your alcohol consumption.

    Was this a quick peck on the lips or a swapping of spit and tongues? Either way, let it go. There is no benefit or good result to come from telling anyone. Smarten up and dont get so drunk you dont really know what went on that night.

    IMO I dont consider this cheating, I see it as two drunks who shared a kiss.

  4. #4
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    Don't say a word. it serves no purpose.

    Cut down on the booze.

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  6. #5
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    It is a tough situation as I can see the remote possibility that this friend or some other witness (if any) may remember the incident and later let it out. Other than that, I don't think it's cheating and worth discussing with your fiance. I would feel violated being kissed by someone I don't even like. Distance yourself from this friend if possible and don't get so drunk if you want to avoid similar incidents.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You didn't cheat, you were assaulted. But like many victims, they place the blame on themselves...like "I must have encouraged it" or "I brought it upon myself" or "I was a part of this, what was I thinking?"....just stop. It's not your fault. This is all on his friend. He's the one that did wrong, not you and don't you forget it. Just take best friend out of the equation, and make it a total stranger...now what does it look like? Best friend or no friend, it's still sexual assault...at a party, at work, wherever....it's still the same. You should feel violated, he forced himself on you with out your permission.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    what's it been like around this guy since? Are you creating drama? it's like two months and you said nothing. But now you're not sure. What's going on with you? Do you want to marry your fiancé?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Contact AA online. Getting blackout drunk and engaing in questionable activity which you can't even remember clearly may indicate loss of control over your drinking: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by elizabeth28
    Everyone got super drunk that night including myself. I blacked out and can only remember certain parts of the night

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You should treat this as a wake up call. What would be the mature thing to do to ensure a what's best for yourself and what's best for your relationship? Basically, you will have to avoid drinking because you lose control of your faculties when you do. There are other ways to have fun with friends, and if you're not willing to do without alcohol, you might be an alcoholic. If you think you'll be an outcast or that others will think you're no fun anymore, then likely that's their crowd mentality and you've joined the wrong club.

    For yourself, when you drink to the point of blackout, there's a strong possibility that you have a serious problem and if you cannot give up alcohol cold turkey, you can attend AA meetings and/or a detox facility if necessary. If you don't, you'll regret it later when your relationships fall apart. Every person I know who is a recovering alcoholic are so much happier since becoming sober. They celebrate each year of sobriety, spreading the news of how much better their lives are now. I hope the same for you. It's like those old cartoons of an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Which one is smarter to listen to is quite obvious.

  11. 04-25-2020, 04:14 PM

  12. #10
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    As you explained he pulled you towards him and you pulled away. If you want a future with you fiance then you'll have to put this down to a bad experience and deal with it. In the event of 'Max' shooting his mouth off you'll have to deny it or risk losing everything fessing up for something which wasn't your fault or doing. Don't dwell on this you have to move on.

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