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Had anal sex for the first time with boyfriend and I am so distressed about


Ayanat6

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So me n my boyfriend of about 3 weeks had sex for the 3 rd time and I must say I am 4 months pregnant by another man but I have decided to still date because I still am in need of love regardless of the fact that I am about to be a single mom but anyway so my boyfriend that I really care about were having sex and when he was doing it from the side he started to put his finger in my butt then he slip his penis in and he didn't asked he just did it and I was telling him to stop and that it hurt and he didn't until he had came inside of my butt afterwards I cried I felt used that my vagina wasn't good enough for him so he wanted my behind I felt embarrassed I felt ashamed because I fell like that's disgusting then I took a shower and realized I was bleeding from my behind I tried to act like everything was ok but he kept asking so when I got home I told him how I felt and sent a lmao text like it was funny and now I'm confused sexually because vaginal sex was good but then he just took something that was off limits in my mind but everything happened so fast that I couldn't even articulate what I did and didn't want like I wanna break up with him idk what to do. Help please.

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It breaks my heart that you are having risky sex at 4 months pregnant because you "need love"

 

Honey, you are worthy of love and risky sex with a guy who you have known four weeks is not loving yourself. It puts your baby and you at risk. Anal sex carries a high risk of contracting an std or infection as well as tearing or lacerating your anus. Please - for your baby - reconnect with family members who love you. volunteer to help people in your community and spread love that way. Go to Bible study with other women if you are a woman of faith - and whatever you can do to surround yourself with a network of support.

 

What about the baby's dad? One night stand? did you plan to get pregnant or is he someone you are on the outs with?

 

Any way -- it doesn't create an environment of love for your baby with risky behavior. Take time to do some self care -- and please stop "dating" - go for tea or pizza or ice cream or whatever you like with friends or find a mentor who is a stable woman perhaps a bit older than you.

 

Anything but what you are doing.

 

A man does not love you if he is engaging in risky sex with you carrying a baby - a man who loves you would treat you with the utmost care and tenderness

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Why are you engaging in so many risky behaviors while pregnant? Meeting strangers during a pandemic and having sex with a guy you met only a short time ago? You "need love"? How about your baby needing a mother who doesn't put his or her life at risk?

 

Please stop thinking about yourself and start behaving in a healthy way for your child.

 

Yeah, I'm being harsh, but I tend to feel that way about pre-birth child endangerment.

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i am really really sorry for what just happened to you...

you have been raped and there is no way to suggercoat this.

1, he introduced himself inside of you without your consent

2. he continued to do so even after you said no

3. he injured your body

4. he showed no remorse for his action. no apologies, no offering you to take you to the doctor, nothing.

you writing him a message with lmao just shows how afraid you are to stand up for yourself because you fear to lose his " love".

this guy is a loser and a dangerous one.

you must be very lonely and lost to have fallen into this situation.

you need to take care of yourself and give yourself the love you deserve. btw, you are allowed to have sex while pregnant but make sure to use protection and do with someone who cares about your well being.

 

face what is reallly scaring you in your life right now and work hard to find solutions:

the perspective of single motherhood must be a scary one.

how old are you? do you go to school or have a job? are you close to your family? do you feel safe financialky? is the father of the baby ready to take his responsibilities financially ?

do you have access to a counselor at school or work?

do you have a support system ? single mother group can be very helpfull, they are going through similar difficulties and can offer you great advices...

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I'm 23 and no I have family that I talk too no friends just a my mom and she is the love of my life but she is busy all the time so I rather have her think I'm ok than let her know what goes on and the guy that I'm pregnant by said he's not ready to be a dad because he already has 4 kids and a ex wife but anyway like I really dont mean to the baby in harm's way I just haven't been n a good place mentally I feel so alone and so trapped and scared and it's like I'll sleep with anyone and date anyone that would just tell me that they love me and I know I dont love me I think I love the baby but honestly I couldn't tell u what love is I raised myself and I've always been depressed a loner I've always filled this empty whole with sex but it's not working it's like now I'm on the hunt to find a guy to help me raise this child because I don't know my father and all the pain molestation rape I experienced because of that I just idk your exactly right I'm lost

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You are so right I am being selfish like I was on birth control when I got pregnant like I didn't ask for this but it happened now I'm 23 about to be a single mom and I hate that I'm about to bring a child in a life that's ass ed up as mines but after this emotionally I wanna do better but I really dont even know how to start I have nobody in my corner it just me

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I'm 23 and no I have family that I talk too no friends just a my mom and she is the love of my life but she is busy all the time so I rather have her think I'm ok than let her know what goes on and the guy that I'm pregnant by said he's not ready to be a dad because he already has 4 kids and a ex wife but anyway like I really dont mean to the baby in harm's way I just haven't been n a good place mentally I feel so alone and so trapped and scared and it's like I'll sleep with anyone and date anyone that would just tell me that they love me and I know I dont love me I think I love the baby but honestly I couldn't tell u what love is I raised myself and I've always been depressed a loner I've always filled this empty whole with sex but it's not working it's like now I'm on the hunt to find a guy to help me raise this child because I don't know my father and all the pain molestation rape I experienced because of that I just idk your exactly right I'm lost

 

Please talk to your mother. She loves you! If you are "on the hunt" for a guy, you will only behave desperately and take any guy that comes along. Learn to be a strong single mother. You won't find a quality man if you don't respect yourself. If you feel you don't want to do it on your own - adoption is a beautiful option. But there are also resources in your community - mother's groups, etc. I strongly hope you seek you receive professional help from a counselor so you can make good decisions for you and your baby so you don't keep chasing losers around.

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You didn't "have anal sex for the first time" - you were anally raped. Your so-called boyfriend has already demonstrated that he doesn't give a damn about whether or not you consent, nor if he causes you pain or physical injury. You think the first time will be the last time if you stay with him? Is that "love"? Concentrate on finding ways to love yourself, because that is clearly missing in your life and it's what's causing you to accept this kind of abuse.

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I understand not wanting to worry your mom or hurt her with is.

 

Please call a rape crisis hotline to talk to someone about this.

 

You need help from a counselor and a physican.

 

If you can't press charges, which I also understand, at the very least, never see this man again.

 

You are worthy of love. Your mom loves you. You just need help to see how worthy you are. You have options and there are resources that can get you on a better path. Do it for yourself, your mom, your child. You can get through this.

 

Please reach out to a crisis hotline. They are there to help and care. [emoji173]

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Ok, I understand that you are living a very hard situation and feel alone and hopeless.

 

To every problem, there is a solution and you will find solutions to your situation.

 

Do not try to find a man to save you. Since you are in a fragile emotional and financial state, you will act desperate and whiling to accept abuse. You need to concentrate your effort elsewhere.

 

First:

Change the narrative in your head. Stop thinking " I'm selfish, I'm unlovable, I'm incapable"... Instead, choose to change your perspective. Your past have been very hard but your futur doesn't need to. Think : "I am a beautiful and strong pregnant woman, my baby loves me, my mom loves me and God (the univers…) loves me. I deserve the best in life (yes you do) and I will take the best decisions for me and my baby…"

Stick to that mantra, every time you feel desperate. If you can't afford a therapist. Do positive meditations on you tube.

 

Second:

You need to find financial solutions: What is your living situation? do you live alone? how do you support yourself? do you work? did you go to university? Could you live with your mom for awhile? does she at least knows you're pregnant? You know, the father is obliged to support his kid financially. You can file for child support when the baby is born. Again, find a single mother's group in your community. They WILL help you to think and find solutions.

 

Once you start taking actions to help yourself, you will start feeling less and less desperate and stronger. You will be able to choose better people to surround yourself with and it will be clearer in your head if you want to give your baby to adoption or keep it. You are young. It takes works but You can have a very beautiful life.

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If you did not consent to anal sex, get to an ER and file charges for sodomy/rape.

 

I agree you were victimized. You told him no, so that's assault. I doubt charges can be laid, but you sure as hell dump his a$$at the curb. I say seek out counseling at a women's clinic/family planning. You need guidance not men.

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