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Thread: Envy poisoning our friendship?? Or am I wrong?

  1. #1

    Envy poisoning our friendship?? Or am I wrong?

    Last year, I blocked her phone number for about 8 months after a heated argument. I decided to rekindle our friendship after mutual friends said I was too harsh. Weve been talking for about 3 months and weve had heated arguments again.
    Last argument, she called me ignorant and a bunch of other attacks. I blocked her.
    Background: Some 3 years back, we were both on the same life track...except I ended up passing that career challenge, and she struggled. She ended up moving abroad and shes doing well now. But that moment has been a VERY SORE point for her.
    One day, she says she admires my hard work, the next day she demeans my success, tells me credentials dont mean anything, degrees dont mean anything, working for a higher ranking company doesnt mean anything, etc.
    Random things will send her in defense mode. Random nonsense over anything has her outdoing me.
    Recently I changed jobs, told her Im worried about my performance, new challenges, she snapped with, ..and Im not worried about mine? I dont have challenges? Just you?
    We've once had a heart to heart. She wrote me a lengthy message saying she feels like nothing next to me. I told her all the ways I admired her and things shes outdone me in. Two days later, she went back to insulting me.

    Weve had great moments, my closest friend, but I feel like well always have that envy beast in the shadows. We are both competitive, so I get her annoyance.

    Maybe its childish I blocked her, but I dont know how else to disappear without hurling insults at her like she does with me.
    Shes called me idiot, ignorant, spilled my secrets in front of friends, said I have a fish memory.....I never named called her!
    And then shell flip a 180, and shower me with praise, hug me, give me a bunch of compliments, buy me gifts, say Im her best friend....

    I know blocking her is childish.....How do I handle her compassionately and respectfully? Do I end it? Or do I keep her at bay, like message once a year for formalities?
    I feel guilty for my behavior. I dont know....

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It depends on whether or not your conscience will bother you or not. If you're the type of person who doesn't feel guilty or remorseful when you passive aggressively block someone, anyone or her in this case, just block and have her disappear from your life forever.

    If you wish to end your friendship with her on diplomatic, peaceful terms, then tell her (or text her): "It's time to go our separate ways, I wish you all the best and good-bye." No explanation necessary. Then ignore her, ghost, block and delete her.

    It sounds like she has a volatile temperament, highly emotional, will gaslight you (Google "gaslighting") and will give you lots of emotional drama and grief. I've encountered 3 people in my close circle who are reminiscent of your ex-friend. With some people, you can't explain and you can't do anything right with them so it's best to fade away. In your case, block and delete.

    You can't reason with some people and all they will do is either gaslight you to death, turn a deaf ear, shout, yell, hang up on you and act like an animal. I leave these types of people alone and let them live their own life while I have every right to live my peaceful life however way I see fit. There are no ands, ifs or buts about this. I'm quite adamant as should you.

    Never waste your time, energy and money on people who will never give you mutual, consistent, habitual respect, kindness, empathy, dignity and effort to make the friendship or relationship thrive otherwise you're wasting your life on them. I'm fed up with certain people in my life and while I'm peaceful, I've since learned to consider the relationship dead. It's very liberating and quite the catharsis. My conscience is VERY clear.

    Don't feel guilty. Be strong and tough. This is about your mental survival. Only be with people who possess integrity. Everyone else doesn't deserve to be in your life.

    You don't have to like everyone on this Earth nor get along with them or be compatible. The best thing you can do is keep the peace and be a peaceful person.

    Then there are times when even peace doesn't work and you have to take drastic measures by abruptly blocking and deleting them from your life. Do whatever it takes to save your sanity.

    Be good and kind to yourself. Give yourself self-respect. It took me a long time to arrive at this conclusion.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this a sexual relationship or hoping to be one?
    Originally Posted by Sillywillyki
    said I have a fish memory.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I read a saying once. To view the people in your life as invited guests.

    Friendships should for the most part enrich your life and bring out the best in each other.

    I wouldn't have this person in my life. Not for a minute.

    Blocking isn't unnecessary. Just get busy with your life, dont reach out to her and if she contacts you, be brief and take the high road.

    It's a great life skill to learn to be discerning, set boundaries and being strong and respectful when faced with difficult people.

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  6. #5
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    For your own mental health and well-being, I would suggest moving on from this relationship.

    If envy is present, Im not so sure you can call it a true friendship. I understand competition, but this doesnt sound like friendly competition. This sounds as though she wants what you have and if she cant have it, she bashes you or finds a way to upset you.

    Friendship should be based on the shared intention of wanting the best for one another. If there are times you think of her and wish the best for her, that same action should be reciprocated.

    Its difficult to trust or have peace of mind when youre not sure if your successes will be celebrated with one of the people youre closest to.

    You can offer her a message explaining that you believe its for the best that you two move on in order to continue growing as people and progressing in life.

    I have had some friendships where I did have to just move on without announcing it. I just got progressively quieter. Stopped texting, calling, etc. When no effort was made on either of our parts to reach out, the friendship just kind of timed out. Im much more at peace as a result of those instances.

    I hope you find a resolution that fits for you. ♥️


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