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Thread: Feel youth is behind me at 27

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I'd love to be 27 again. I'm old enough to be your mother! 27 actually was a very good year for me, I felt like I had my sh1t together finally and for the most part I did. Just wait til you are twice that age! You'd be happy to be 27 again.

  2. #12
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    OP I think what you are feeling is quite common. You are at that age (range) where a lot of women start feeling their internal clock ticking especially if theyíve no husband or kids yet.

    I know what you are going thru- a lot of us older people on here do because that age is when we compare ourselves to others our age. I recalled when I was 28, I had the same emotions you had. Being childless and unmarried- will it always made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

    And then 30 hit. I donít know what happened but I knew a switch inside me was turned on. The switch was Ďdonít give a crapí any more. And I did truly felt that. I didnít give a crap what guys think or thought any more, what my parents think, what society think, no more Facebook and I finally ended with an on and off relationship that was going nowhere. Great things happened to me right after I did these too- my husband being one.

    I donít know what is the average age when a person Ďdiscoversí who they are but I would say most in their 30s.

    I think thatís what is happening to you right now- youíre evolving because youíre self-analyzing more because that pivotal age is around the corner.

    So donít beat yourself up. If you really want kids you can think about freezing your eggs until you meet Mr. Right for you.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I recommend the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I know it taught me to think more positively. The quality of your self talk hugely affects how you see the world, and in turn, how the world sees you, because you will emit your thoughts in your aura/facial expressions/body language.

    An example: You're at the mall. You see a lovey dovey couple fawning over each other. Scenario one, you think: OMG, that couple makes me sick. Why does everybody else have a partner except me?

    Think of how your face looks while thinking these thoughts. Think of how other people will see you as you think these thoughts--lips curled in a grimace, eyes shooting darts. Who is going to be attracted to you when you look like Ms. Curmudgeon? Green with envy, like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz.

    Scenario two would be: Wow, those two are really enjoying themselves. They are so lucky to have found one another. One day that's going to happen for me.

    How would your face look then? Would you be smiling, relaxed, eyes shining bright? That's is what would make you attractive to friends and romantic interests. Confidence and a positive attitude aids in making a person more attractive, whereas a lousy attitude and negativity would make a person's attractiveness irrelevant.

    It was more likely that when you told those guys your age that they saw a look of self pity and lack of confidence, like you were the embodiment of someone "less than," that turned them off.

    Besides that book, there are numerous other ones you can read to achieve a positive mindset, plus books where you can learn about goal setting. I read about a woman with terminal cancer who spent her time handing out single flowers to strangers on the street. She said instead of staying at home and living in misery about her situation, it helped her to forget her problems for a moment to make other people smile. Doing volunteer work might help you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, since that's hard to to when you're feeling good about helping someone less fortunate. It might even make you feel ridiculous to wallow in misery when others have far worse problems, and they might even have a better mindset than you.

    Take care and let us know how it goes.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by anxious247
    also feel like society in general is obsessed with youth
    It certainly is--well, the marketing segment certainly is, and unfortunately that segment owns the biggest and loudest megaphone of propaganda. It drowns out the urgency of other (very important) values and has us all confused and running for a stake in youth and beauty. But youth and beauty aren't even close to being what's most important in life. They just sell products.

    Originally Posted by anxious247
    Growing up I was always praised on my beauty more than my personality, intellect, talent or anything else. I was my parents "beautiful daughter", strangers and people in my personal life would always compliment me on my attractiveness over anything else, and in a sad way I came to rely on it. As I've gotten older I've realized such an existence is vapid and transient and I cannot hold onto that forever.
    That's very interesting to me because I've always felt beauty was an extreme inconvenience. I admit I have occasionally relied on beauty, but it's never been my main strategy and now that it's fading I don't really miss it. I've never been focused on marriage and family though.... What are your interests? Do you have career aspirations? Some way for you to derive your own internal sense of satisfaction? That way, you won't be so reliant on the approval of others. People love beauty, but it is so transient. It's not really a good investment.

    Originally Posted by anxious247
    I feel the time is NOW to move forward in life, but the overwhelming pressure of it all keeps me stagnant.
    I totally understand this.

    ETA: I also want to add that I really agree with Batya's post #7. There are so many ways that this can play out. The best investment to make is in yourself.
    Last edited by Jibralta; 04-24-2020 at 10:45 AM.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by anxious247
    I've always been sensitive to the passage of time, but the older I get the more depressing each birthday has gotten. For me birthdays aren't a reason to celebrate. Only a harsh reminder that another year has passed me by.

    Last month I turned 27 and the number alone gives me anxiety.

    I'm not sure if this is just a "female thing" but I have attached a massive weight to my age - my attractiveness, my ability to do the things I want, my chances in the dating pool - and with each passing year my self esteem gets lower and lower. I realize this is a horrible mindset to have, but I can't seem to shake it off.

    I've had men excitedly approach me in the street asking for my number, only for a disappointed "oh" when I tell them my age - as if the number shot their initial attraction into the ground. It makes me feel hopeless and discarded and as if I have to date someone twice my age to seem young and attractive by contrast.

    I suppose I wouldn't feel so terrible if I was where I wanted to be in life. I've always had a passion for homemaking and would love nothing more than to be a wife and a mother, but the biological clock is ticking. Finding a genuine connection is hard and a husband seems nearly impossible.

    This is all made exponentially worse because I have a chronic digestive illness that make me feel like garbage every day. Digestion is something you take for granted until it stops working - that much I can tell you.

    Getting through a day at work is hard enough and I don't have enough energy to do anything afterwards, let alone maintain a social life. In fact I haven't had a social life in years because this illness makes it hard to enjoy myself like a normal human being.

    I don't know what I'm looking for here. I guess anyone who feels similarly or has any advice. Am I the only one who was a teenager and I blinked and all of a sudden I'm almost 30? I don't know how to dig myself out of this hole!
    My advice is to focus more on other aspects of your life that are not attached to age or youth.

    Because while youth doesn't last being a beautiful person does. You just have to be deeper than looks. Are you?

    Its great to be perceived as a beauty, but its that really you? Arent you more than something that you can't take credit for? just good genes?

    Also, it may be flattering to be hit on on the street, but the if the guy is turned off by your age, is this really someone you would have considered? Its the equivalent of a cat call from some guy in the street. When you really think about it, its not a compliment at all.

    Stop treating yourself as an object and others will follow. There are millions of beautiful women of all ages all over the world. The fact that you don't see that, is actually pretty ugly.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I get it, you kinda feel your life won't move forward because you don't have that special person to join you in meeting your goals of married life, kids, etc. BUT if you don't progress as an individual you won't attract that person. Your age has nothing to do with it....it's how you project yourself, how others see you, your vibe. If you were bright, fun, had a zest for life with a positive attitude, and a lot to offer, you will have np meeting your goal.

  8. #17
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    OP, the problem is you are focused on your gifts. Good genes is a gift, you didn't earn your beauty. You were lucky. I do value appearance a lot myself, don't get me wrong. However, appearance is irrelevant to the other aspects of life. Unless you are a ruthless gold-digger, appearance doesn't mean (that) much even for women. Concentrate on building a skill or dedicate yourself to something you love doing. Take it seriously and put the effort to actualise your goal. This will build your character, this will make you happy, this will give you a purpose in life.
    Last edited by dias; 04-24-2020 at 11:41 AM.

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