Hi there! I am sorry you are in this situation. Family can be such a drain sometimes and it sounds like there has been a lot of toxicity there for a long time.

Plain and simple you are the sister that left and made a better life for herself. Are you willing to step in now and take care of your dad or your mom? I mean physically move them closer to you and away from your sister? It would probably be the only way that you could change any of what is going on. As it stands now she is the one that stayed behind and watches out for them. Whether or not you agree with her or them, you donít live there. I understand they are your parents, but are you contributing to their needs in some way? It sounds to me like your sister knows that their complete care falls on her shoulders you donít even live in the same state right? And because of this she is going to make sure she has some financial help from them. She has a job and she has to run their errands. What do you do? Are you willing to do what she does?

Also, where did you get all this information from? Your parents? Are they truthful? Itís not an accusation but a question as I am afraid they may be putting you against each other, some parents do that. Would they?

You do have the option to live back home and fix this, move your dad to live with you, let it all go and get on with your life. Since you donít deal with their needs daily you may not have a clear picture of what all that entails. Try going home for a bit when you get a chance so you can see for yourself what is really going on. You may realize you donít want any part of that life.

edt: I just read again you said when you go home you hate it because she disappears and you get stuck with all the work. Yeah, she probably does that so you can help out some. And that makes you not want to go visit. Now imagine if that was your daily life plus your teaching job?