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Is this having feelings or not?


sgtpepper

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I was with my ex-boyfriend for almost a year from 2018 to 2019 and in the beginning I didn't want to be with him because, I had a plan that I wanted to stay single and work on loving myself first and take care of my health (mentally and emotionally). He completely understood and he gave me space. But he was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, when I needed a friend to talk to and was so supportive and helpful. It was like I trusted him with my life. So, in November 2018, I began to have feelings for him, and he has feelings ever since he started to get to know me. In December he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. Throughout the year of 2019, it was like a fairy tale and he was so kind and amazing. He treated me like a princess, and it was just the kind of love I was looking for. But till September I was feeling that something was wrong with him and I was feeling anxious like a big bad feeling. I began to question if i still had feelings for him or not...

In the Spring semester of this year, I had an old friend of mine in my Psychology class. I've known him for 2 years and ever since we met, we were extremely attracted to each other. We wanted to have sex, but it was a time that I was coping with my assault back in the beginning of 2018 and I was not ready. But I was scared mostly. He understood and we went out a few times and he would take it easy on me. He has great taste in music and down-to-earth. Haha we even played on the swings and hide and seek around midnight like a couple of kids at the park. He kissed me after he found me and my heart skipped a beat and we made out on the spot...I liked him a lot, but idk it started to get weird. He wouldn't talk to me or look at me when I tried talking to him. Like if he was bothered by something. It went on for some time. ANYWAYS, fast forward to the beginning of 2019, I was starting my relationship with my then-boyfriend and in February I received a text from my friend on how I was doing? I told him that I recently got in a relationship. He was happy that I found someone. He asked if I was down to hang out like out of know where? I agreed and we hung out at our university and we grabbed lunch. I told him about my relationship and my then-boyfriend. He was happy and was asking if he is a good guy or is he a a**hole? I was a little confused but maybe he's being a friend about that so I wouldn't get hurt. He asked me out of nowhere, "Do you think things would have been different if we were together?" I was shocked but i told him the truth, "It would've, but I can't talk about that because I am with someone..." He was sad and I was surprised. Going back to September, we were talking again, and I asked him if he can help me with my Spanish homework. He agreed and came rushing from the other side of town to the university library. I can tell he was nervous, but I was too...afterwards he took to my car and we talk for a little bit. He asked me about my relationship, and it was going okay so far. He asked me questions like "if he is hurting you? does he make you feel happy? is he the one for you?" I yelled at him like why are asking so many questions?! And he kissed me and told me that he has feelings for me...I told I did too back then. We made out in his car and I pulled back saying that I can't and that it's too late for this. I cried that night and he texted that he apologized and to forgot about it. But I couldn't...I was falling for him again. I was at the library again and I asked him if he can help me, but he said no because he wouldn't resist being around me...an hour later he showed up. He took me to my car, and I told him to have strength and I forgive you. He got my hand and kissed it and told me "why do you have to be with him?" I told him the truth, "because you held yourself back." I kissed him and it was so hot, and I felt I couldn't resist either. I cheated on my ex and I felt guilty about since...till November. Him and I were going to watch a movie and I told him that his phone ranged, and it was his friend. I went back but I saw something that I was confused. There was a name "Stephanie" on his phone with a heart on it. And I looked through and I see nudes and kissy faces and him admiring her beauty and him asking to send more pictures. I was upset he said that "she means nothing, this is like porn, you're over reacting, she's not real" and I had it. I told him "well that makes two of us" and I told him about my friend. He didn't feel angry, he felt kind of relieved that he wasn't the only one. But the thing is that him and her has been going on since February of 2019. So mainly our entire relationship. I don't know who is really at fault, but I say both of us. I told my friend that he has been cheating on me for a while and he was so angry that he wanted to beat him up, but I told him that I am at fault too because of us. He came over to my house right away and hugged me saying that it wasn't myself fault and that he didn't value me enough. We kissed and he told me he loved me. I rejected him and told him now's not a good time.

In the middle of December I broke it off. At the end of December, another friend of mine asked me to be his wedding date. We drank and danced, and it was so fun. He ended up kissing me in the middle of the dance floor and I was shocked, and I told him I can't. Later, my friend texted me if I was down to talk. He picked me up when the wedding was over even though my date was hammered. He saw me in a dress, heels and make up. He couldn't stop staring and kept telling me that was beautiful. We talk at our local scenic drive. We went in the back seat we made out and I told him that I was ready. We did it that night. But we were both buzzed, freezing, rushed through it and at 2 in the morning. In January, I was dating someone, and I thought I saw a future with him, but things started to go a different direction when his ex-girlfriend told him that she had a baby and it was his. He took a test and it was his child. When i was with him for 2 months, my friend kept messaging me if I was down to talk, or hangout, he even asked me to send him pictures and I denied his request. In the spring semester of this year, we had a class together. After class he caught up to me and asked if I wanted a ride to my car and I said yes. He took me back to my car and as I was going, he got out and kissed me. I pushed him and yelled at him "What is your deal?!! Why do you keep doing this?! Tell me what you want! I told you I'm with someone and you keep doing this!" We were arguing and he kept saying that "I wanted it" and that "I know you in the inside that you want to be with me" I said "I did but you are so confusing." I kissed him back and he pushed me away. I looked at him with rejection and said, "I don't think I will ever understand you." and drove off and cried all the way home. I told that guy I was dating, and he was angry and wanted to beat him up. But in March we ended our dating because of the child he has now. My friend and I were talking when the whole quarantine began, and he apologized for not being a friend and for being in the way of my relationships. I asked him "why do you keep doing this?" He was being stubborn and didn't want to answer. I was getting frustrated because he would do that sometime which I hate when he wouldn't open about his feelings or he was scared that I would reject him, who knows? But we would send nude pictures and sexting each other on how much we want each other. We even agreed that after this quarantine is over that we would get together. Who knows when though? But I don't know if it was actual feelings or just being bored. He asked me a questioned last week and he got mad because I wasn't being any help. I told him "then why did you ask me to help you in the first place?" He said, "because I thought I can depend on you, but I guess not." We haven't talk since and I keep thinking about him and looking at my phone if he would text me. I miss him, but I wanted us to keep the friendship going. Maybe I have feelings for him because I can't stop think about him. I feel so ridiculous. I wrote a post about my ex of 2 months with the child but this has been going on for a while.

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You seem to have good instincts to focus on your emotional and physical health. As well as sexting this guy is just a matter of boredom/isolation. The overwhelming theme seems to be self-destructive behavior and involvements with chaos and drama out of boredom or confusion. At 22 y/o in your senior year this would be a good time to start focusing on career goals.

 

Perhaps a general lack of direction in your academic/career life contributes to this. Get more involved with friends, family, more elevated interests and ask your parents to take you to a doctor and get a referral to a therapist to talk to and sort some stuff out.

 

Join some online study groups or groups that have an interest in your hobbies. Volunteer for helping with corona situations,deliver food, care for people's pets, help out. Or get a part time job in an essential workplace. Keep yourself busy with self respect enhancing activities and pursuits. Sexting and dragging jerks into your life as a form of stimulation is a destructive waste of time.

 

My advice about the other recent guy remains the same: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=564132&p=7208176&viewfull=1#post7208176

I had a plan that I wanted to stay single and work on loving myself first and take care of my health (mentally and emotionally).

 

But we would send nude pictures and sexting each other on how much we want each other. We even agreed that after this quarantine is over that we would get together. But I don't know if it was actual feelings or just being bored.

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You seem to have good instincts to focus on your emotional and physical health. As well as sexting this guy is just a matter of boredom/isolation. The overwhelming theme seems to be self-destructive behavior and involvements with chaos and drama out of boredom or confusion. At 22 y/o in your senior year this would be a good time to start focusing on career goals.

 

Perhaps a general lack of direction in your academic/career life contributes to this. Get more involved with friends, family, more elevated interests and ask your parents to take you to a doctor and get a referral to a therapist to talk to and sort some stuff out.

 

Join some online study groups or groups that have an interest in your hobbies. Volunteer for helping with corona situations,deliver food, care for people's pets, help out. Or get a part time job in an essential workplace. Keep yourself busy with self respect enhancing activities and pursuits. Sexting and dragging jerks into your life as a form of stimulation is a destructive waste of time.

 

My advice about the other recent guy remains the same: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=564132&p=7208176&viewfull=1#post7208176

 

Yeah I remember you. But I don't see how this is out of boredom? This drama going on for 2 years. It's like wanting answers from him. I did get a job at goPuff for delivering essentials. I am helping out with my family and focusing on finishing this semester. I just want to vent and see from a guys perspective why he would be weird. Yeah obviously it is a waste of time, but I am 22 years and sexually active. It's like what I can't? I can't at least sext him and be satisfied? and I can't focus on my physiological needs? Do i need to be pure and not have any satisfaction? I had two guys recently asking if I "wanted to have fun" and i said no because I don't want too. I think I am being on the right track of choosing what I can and can't do. I'll figure out what I need to do.

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So why have you not dated your friend and you've been dating other guys the whole time? He said he loves you so why do you keep rejecting him? If you loved him then surely you would choose him over other guys? I think you're attracted to him but maybe you don't actually love him romantically. Just my guess...

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If people can't read it you can simply post a more concise and targeted next post in the thread. In fact being concise and focused will help you be a better communicator. People will pay attention rather than glaze over from meandering and aimlessness. Why say in 1000 words what can be said in 100?

I am trying to find the edit but I can't find it.
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If people can't read it you can simply post a more concise and targeted next post in the thread. In fact being concise and focused will help you be a better communicator. People will pay attention rather than glaze over from meandering and aimlessness. Why say in 1000 words what can be said in 100?

 

Where is the 30 min window on here? I am going to try to fix it.

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So why have you not dated your friend and you've been dating other guys the whole time? He said he loves you so why do you keep rejecting him? If you loved him then surely you would choose him over other guys? I think you're attracted to him but maybe you don't actually love him romantically. Just my guess...

 

I really do like him to be honest. I feel that I've been denying about having feelings for him. There was times during the relationships that I couldn't stop thinking about him. Every time he texted, I would get butterflies and I would feel so happy the rest of the day or the week. I really do want to be with him, but the way he is, it's totally a mystery that holds me back. There's times where we would talk and joke around like best friends and other days I feel like I am bothering him. When i would tell him about the relationships, he would open up his feelings and try to get my attention more. But if i was single, he would play it off like "yeah, ok dude. Cool." and not talk to me as much. I don't know what his deal is? There was a time that I told him straight up, "Are you interested in me romantically? Or do you feel that you can rely me for giving you my body?" He was confused and didn't understand what I meant. I would ask him more questions about that and he would be weird out and angry about it. But he would interfere with my relationships and make it look like it is okay. He would even say things like "I know you can't resist me", "I've been thinking about you a lot lately", "What I do would to have you here with me." Haha there was a time he told me out of nowhere, "Ask your boyfriend if you guys can be in an open relationship, I really want to be with you." I was laughing so hard but confused by so much.

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My friend and I have known each other for 2 years and every time we talk or see each we look like we are both interested in each other, but he made it super complicated and would be scared or weird out about it. I would be in a relationship and he would interfere and open about his feelings towards me. Now I am single and he would not talk me. But a few weeks ago we sexts and talk on the phone about how we are both doing. I am being to feel I do have feelings for him, but he is just so confusing most of time.

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This sounds like flirty banter, not much more.

I told him straight up, "Are you interested in me romantically? Or do you feel that you can rely me for giving you my body?"

He would even say things like "I know you can't resist me", "I've been thinking about you a lot lately".

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Sounds like someone who isn't interested in commitment, but who thinks he actually is interested. It sounds weird, but it happens.

 

People who fear commitment only make themselves available when the chance of an actual committed relationship is unlikely. They go after people who are in relationships, emotionally unavailable, have major character flaws, etc. But when their love interest suddenly becomes available, they fade out.

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Sounds like he showing these texts/sexting all his friends to have a laugh, unfortunately at your expense. Keep in mind anything you sext anyone can be posted online and go viral in nanaoseconds. It would be best to cut guys who text stuff like this off.

just flirting and being bored?
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Sounds like he showing these texts/sexting all his friends to have a laugh, unfortunately at your expense. Keep in mind anything you sext anyone can be posted online and go viral in nanaoseconds. It would be best to cut guys who text stuff like this off.

 

Yeah I need too stop and start respecting myself more now :( I am doing great so far. He hasn't texted or anything which I feel better because I feel like I am looking forward to spend everyday with myself and eat right and be active and stay healthy. I feel that not worrying about someone else has become less stressful and more freeing. I feel free and I can finally do what I want and have fun with myself and get to know me.

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