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Thread: Emotionally charged weekend

  1. #11
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    Thanks Lambert and Batya for your input!

    Just to clarify: He hasn't told me that he's interested in me. But if he was willing to chat with me then there must be some form of interest. Is that what you meant Lambert? (Apologies if I misunderstood you.) We spent some group time together because our mutual friend was visiting our city. Our friend visits us a couple of times per year, depending.

    I'm determined to be cool as cat.


    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I'm actually annoyed by some of my more extroverted friends with their end less texts. Nothing is happening!
    I've got a friend who likes to blow up my phone occasionally with irrelevant stuff. Very annoying, so I understand you.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by greendots
    - Him not officially reading and acknowledging my message (I'm sure he's read it through the notification.) felt annoying, even though I am aware that in this context it's not a big thing, because I am direct. Basically, if someone's not ending the conversation I will be blunt and kindly tell them along the lines of I enjoy chatting with you but I'm not that big on texting or that we'll talk next time or something to that effect.
    LOL I do that all the time. I get tapped out and leave the unread text there as a reminder to reply in the future (usually a couple of days, sometimes more). But I don't consider it an ending to the conversation, just a "to be continued....." until I feel up to chatting again. I need a period of recharge from human interaction.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    LOL I do that all the time. I get tapped out and leave the unread text there as a reminder to reply in the future (usually a couple of days, sometimes more). But I don't consider it an ending to the conversation, just a "to be continued....." until I feel up to chatting again. I need a period of recharge from human interaction.
    I really love how you put this and totally relate.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by greendots
    Thanks Lambert and Batya for your input!

    Just to clarify: He hasn't told me that he's interested in me. But if he was willing to chat with me then there must be some form of interest. Is that what you meant Lambert? (Apologies if I misunderstood you.) We spent some group time together because our mutual friend was visiting our city. Our friend visits us a couple of times per year, depending.

    I'm determined to be cool as cat.



    I've got a friend who likes to blow up my phone occasionally with irrelevant stuff. Very annoying, so I understand you.
    He might be interested in chatting with you. If he was interested in dating you he'd let you know or respond with great enthusiasm to your suggestion of a date - especially since you mentioned a movie - he of course could have followed up with -let's go to a movie when this is all over. Many years ago in the 1980s I met a guy out with mutual friends. I thought he was cute but I had a miserable cold and felt out of it. I mentioned to him that I liked going out dancing. I showed him my office building from the street and told him I worked at a day care. I was 19.
    I felt better over the next few days. I asked our mutual friend if heíd asked about me or for my number. Nope. I forgot about it. A few days later I got called to the landline phone at work. It was him but he only knew my first name and the building. I actually told him I had no idea who he was. He had to convince me. We had our first date the next week and on the second date he gave me a dozen roses for Valentineís Day. We dated for over a year. Lovely guy.
    So pre internet and pre cell phone or texting this guy did what it took to find me. Thatís what a man typically does if he is interested in dating a woman. Call me traditional itís fine - and itís also fine these days for a woman to ask a man out especially if sheís comfortable being the person who mainly asks out the man for dates. No judgment here. But the person who wants to date the other person do what it takes to express interest in dating. Why didnít D ask me out right then? I guess because he was shy and I was sniffly. But he asked me out a few days later.
    Last edited by Batya33; 04-21-2020 at 09:18 AM.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by greendots
    Thanks Lambert and Batya for your input!

    Just to clarify: He hasn't told me that he's interested in me. But if he was willing to chat with me then there must be some form of interest. Is that what you meant Lambert? (Apologies if I misunderstood you.) We spent some group time together because our mutual friend was visiting our city. Our friend visits us a couple of times per year, depending.

    I'm determined to be cool as cat.



    I've got a friend who likes to blow up my phone occasionally with irrelevant stuff. Very annoying, so I understand you.
    I said you know he's intetested because you said, he approached you to get your number and said you should go out.

    If that's not interest, I don't know what is!

    yeah, just be cool. Post here. We'll talk you down of the ceiling.

    I've been taking to a guy, I met right before the lock down. We've actually agreed we didn't want to get too far ahead of ourselves in this situation.

    So I just try to be fun and light when he calls. Just following his lead. I noticed, he is a caller not a texter.... So in between calls, every so often I send a text to show I'm interested... but its usually something funny or not requiring a response. And he does respond timely but then I let it go....

    Its all very chill and when we can get together again, maybe we'll pick up IRL. So far, that's the plan.... For now expectations are on hold. And honestly, that feels pretty good. He seems like a nice guy, attractive, I am curious about him. period. No pressure, no confusion....

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok view it as fun stuck at home chitchat, but keep in level of texting does not correlate with level of interest. People text because they are bored, waiting in line and the most popular....while on the toilet.🚽
    Originally Posted by greendots
    He hasn't told me that he's interested in me. But if he was willing to chat with me then there must be some form of interest.
    Toilet texting is particularly popular among those 28 to 35-years-old, with a reported 91 percent of that age group admitting to the habit.

  8. #17
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    Unless he has a time and date plan for a date there is no date. And yes he can tell you "I want to take you out on a date once it is safe to do so" - a vague reference to hanging out is fine but without follow up it's not asking you out on a date. By analogy many women from my various facebook groups have messaged me with wanting to meet and hang out - as platonic friends/or "mom friends" - but if I follow up with a specific suggestion there's either no response or a vague one. Meaning - all talk no action -irrelevant.

  9. #18
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    I wouldn't overthink this too much - I think at the moment there's so much "thinking time" that it's easy to dwell on things that there's no need to dwell on.

    Personally, I'd have cut to the chase and asked for a date (obviously once the pandemic's over) within the first few messages. I know someone might say 'but the OP is a woman and I think the man should do the asking' but, speaking only for myself, I love it when a woman has the confidence to ask me out. You could still send chit-chat messages afterwards but you'd have a 'yes' or a 'no', rather than all this second guessing.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    I wouldn't overthink this too much - I think at the moment there's so much "thinking time" that it's easy to dwell on things that there's no need to dwell on.

    Personally, I'd have cut to the chase and asked for a date (obviously once the pandemic's over) within the first few messages. I know someone might say 'but the OP is a woman and I think the man should do the asking' but, speaking only for myself, I love it when a woman has the confidence to ask me out. You could still send chit-chat messages afterwards but you'd have a 'yes' or a 'no', rather than all this second guessing.
    When I was dating many men loved when a woman showed "confidence" by asking a man out -and they were flattered too! Most of the men I knew were impressed and did not choose that woman to become involved with other than perhaps for a fling. As one man put it (he's been married now almost 20 years) - he just felt confused as to why he wasn't more into the woman - some variation of "it knocked the wind out of my sails" was fairly typical. I didn't need confidence to ask men out -it actually wasn't a big deal to me and I did it several times. Would have kept doing it if it was an effective way to find someone to eventually marry. It wasn't. Have times changed? Maybe a tad. Maybe more than a tad -there's nothing wrong with asking a man out of course I'm just pointing out the risks as I see them -no risk if the goal is a couple of dates or a fling. No risk if the woman is more attracted to a guy who prefers the woman to be the main planner, the main "pursuer" -some women i am sure would find that a turn on! I did not.

  11. #20
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    Yeah, I pre-cursed my statements by 'personally' and 'speaking only for myself' because I know that I don't speak for every man.

    This guy might utterly hate it when a woman asks him out, who knows!

    I really don't know either way whether who asks who out increases or decreases the likelihood of only a fling. Although for what it's worth, one of my best friends is happily married to a woman who initially asked him out

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