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Thread: Need advice about crush from church

  1. #1

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    Need advice about crush from church

    I meet my crush while we were attending the same church when we were younger. For some reason, we become close throughout our friendship. She was staying with a close friend of mine and his family. Then she met a guy that she was in love with. I still saw her around and we were still remained close. Then she moved with her family to Missouri and the guy that she loved followed her there. She would call and write me. Then, suddenly, she stopped writing and calling me. I finally found her after looking for her about 10 years and she got married to the guy. I wrote her a letter and she never responded back to my letter. I was sad because I didn't hear back for her. But I kept her in my mind. I will still try and find her. Then in December of 2018, I found her on Facebook and she was going by her maiden name. So, I added her. Then on Valentine's Day of 2019, she finally added me and we talked all night. She was so happy to hear from me. She divorced the guy because of emotional abuse. And she told me that she did get my letter and she couldn't write or call me because her ex was controlling her life. She said that she knows that I love her but didn't know how much. Recently, my close friend that she used to stay with told me that his mother and he was looking for her and I told him that she was on Facebook. I told her that they were looking for her and I would step aside so him close friend and her to get together and she didn't want me to do that at all. She didn't want me to stop texting and calling her and she told me that she has no interest in him at all. My question is do I have a chance to be with her? What should I do? Help.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    First of all, remain realistic due to the geography. Is she hundreds or thousands of miles away from you? Keep that in mind as LDRs (long distance relationships) have a strong tendency to fizzle and fade quickly or eventually.

    Sure, she and you can text each other back 'n forth but both of you will only become social media FB friends and texting buddies, or email, messages, voice mail and have cell phone chats at best.

    She made it clear to you that she doesn't want the other guy nor is she interested. She wants you to continue texting and calling her so do what both of you agree to do. Just know your chances are slim with her if she lives faraway from you as absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to drift apart. Be reasonable, logical and practical.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why haven't you dated, married or been in relationships the past 10 yrs? What happened recently that made you search for her? Are you unhappily married? Or recently heartbroken?

    Try to back off a bit. That's the only way to gauge her interest. Keep in mind she is broken, damaged, divorced, 10 yrs older now and long distance.
    Originally Posted by Jared501970
    She divorced the guy because of emotional abuse.My question is do I have a chance to be with her?

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    To be honest, I have to disagree with your whole post. I am in California and she's in Missouri. I don't think that long distance relationships fizzle out or fade eventually. I have known many couples that were in long distance relationships that made it work. I honestly think if two people truly love each other, they will find a way to make it work. I do think that many people who are in long distance relationships do give up instead of trying to make it work. If you truly love someone and vice versa, distance shouldn't matter. To me, too much absence makes a person want the other person more. Do you understand what I am trying to say? I do understand what you are trying to say to be honest and I do appreciate what you said. But, I can't go through the rest of my life wondering. I can't go through life without trying. I am always going to be thinking what would have happened if I tried to go for her. That wouldn't be fair for me or her. And supposed I take your advice and find someone else. To be honest, I am always going to be think what would have happened. I can't do that to be honest. That wouldn't be fair to me or the person I am dating. You know what I mean? I hope that you understand what I am saying though. Thank you for your input.

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  6. #5

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Why haven't you dated, married or been in relationships the past 10 yrs? What happened recently that made you search for her? Are you unhappily married? Or recently heartbroken?

    Try to back off a bit. That's the only way to gauge her interest. Keep in mind she is broken, damaged, divorced, 10 yrs older now and long distance.
    I have left our some information and I apologize for that. I have been looking for her 30 years. She's has always been on my mind. I was married for 4 1/2 years back in the late '90s. I haven't dated someone in like 10 years. So, I am not heartbroken. And me being single has nothing to do with me looking for her. Like I said, I have been looking for her for 30 years. I have to go and see if things will work out between her and I. If things work out between us, then I will be happy. But if they don't, then I know that things wasn't meant to be. I am not going to be all sad or anything if they don't work out. I have been wondering if things will work out or not with her. I just have to know. Do you understand what I mean?

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    I think you are looking for her out of nostalgia. We tend to look back, not forward, when we are hurt or feel lonely.
    You say long distance relationships can work - they can if people have met, dated awhile and then moved away for work or whatever and stayed connected. And when there is an end date on when it would no longer be long distance. You, on the other hand, are in love with a woman who no longer exists. She is older, her body has changed, her experiences have changed her and she cannot possibly live up to the woman you built up in your mind. Communicating is okay = but with no practical reason to be together (its not like one of you has family in eachother's area or are there for work so naturally would be in eachother's area from time to time) i would keep expectations in check. You are not the same person either.

  8. #7
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    btw, if you are dead set on this - have you figure out why your marriage didn't last very long? And don't say "it was all her."

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    abitbroken,

    I have to disagree with you on your entire post. This isn't about nostalgia or what she looks like or anything at all. I am either hurt or lonely at all to be honest. Not once did I tell that in my post. She could be 400 pounds and I will still go for her. I am not in love with a woman that doesn't exist. Yes we both have changed but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to go for her. My marriage didn't last because my ex-wife cheated on me. Not because of anything else. So, it was all my ex-wife that I am not married anymore. My expectations are in check. Her and I are both older and we both have changed. That doesn't mean that we aren't going to get together. If we work out, then we work out. If we don't work out, then we don't work out. Either way, I know that I have tried and I can move on with my life. There is nothing that I have build up in my mind at all to be honest. I have been talking to her for a year and a half and I know her now. We have know that we have both changed in life for the better. We are playing to meet to see where things go. Where do you get that there is no practical reason to be together come from? I honestly don't know where you come with that to be honest. I am sorry but I don't agree with your opinion on this at all. I think that people just give up on things because they don't want to try to go for things. If she comes and says that she is going for someone else, I would be happy for her and I will be her friend always. This has nothing to do with the past at all. I have been taught to go for things. I have been looking for her for 30 years. That is because I have to see if things will work out between us. Not because of the past but the future. I know how she is right now and she knows how I am right now. I have been taught to chase after your dreams. Not to give up. Yes I am dead set on this. And we are going to meet in October. Sorry but I am not going to just give up on this because you think I am doing this because of the past. The past is the past. You can't leave in the past and you have to go for it. Do you know what I mean? Thank you for your opinion. Be blessed.


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